I was sitting on a bench in a park.  I don’t recall exactly how I came to be there either.  As I sat there, I began to truly reflect on my life, all the things I was thankful for, all the people that have been there for me, helped me grow, went through my ups and downs, all the major milestones in my life. 

Brian, my very first “true” best friend. I will always be grateful to him, for the way he pulled me in when the group first started, took me under his wing, and was the best friend anyone could ever have.  My partner in crime.  His Frick to my Frack.  Even though there was 5 years between us, you’d never know it.  He was ready to jump on the hotel beds with me, pull every practical joke known to mankind, help me with girls, just...everything. 

AJ, the one that was closest to my age, yet seems so much more older than me.  I always thought he was sooooo cool cuz he was like the “rebel” in the group.  He and I spent many a time in a hotel room together because we were too young to go party with the rest of the fellas.  But, he was really good at smuggling the latest Playboy magazine and even a flask of alcohol in for us to have our own parties with.  How he managed to do that, I still don’t know to this day.  He would never tell me, but I was grateful for the friend that he was to me. 

Howie, poor, poor Howie.  He always seemed to be on the butt-end of all our jokes and pranks.  But in our defense, he made it so damn easy! They don’t call him Sleepy-street for nothing!  You  could put a stick of dynamite under his ass and he still wouldn’t wake up.  But, although he would get irritated, he took it all in stride.  Howie was a good confidant for me. I could go to him with anything and he never judged me.  He’d just listen and give me the best advice he could. 

And Kevin.  Though, through the early years, more often than not, we butted heads, I don’t think I’d really be the man I am today without him.  He truly was the father I didn’t have.  He kicked my ass when I needed it (though at the time I hated him for it, I know better now), but was always there for a shoulder to cry on or just to talk to when I needed it most.  He always had like a sick sense of when I needed him.  I found it creepy yet comforting.  And it was him that gave me the book that really turned my life around, that and the message he wrote in it to me. 

Lauren, my beautiful, loving girlfriend.  She’s the one that taught me what a true, unconditional love is.  I never knew that even existed until I met and fell in love with her.  Other than the fellas, I’ve never had the kind of support from another person like she has given  me.  She’s my rock, my hiding place, my peace, my other half.  I am thankful every day that she was brought into my life. 

And my blood family.  I am thankful for them too, because after all, they are my family, no matter how much we may fight, bicker and whatnot, we still love each other.  They have contributed to some of the best memories that I have stored in that little pocket in my brain. 

Last, but not least, I’m grateful for all of my fans.  They have stuck by me through thick and thin, bad and good.  I couldn’t ask for a better fanbase.  I have been online and watched them fight tooth and nail coming to my defense.  I love reading stories of how something that I’ve done has changed their lives, given them an escape, made friends, saved their lives, and just made them HAPPY.  That’s all I ever wanted to do..to make my fans happy. 

As I come to the end of the people in my life that mean the most to me, a man in a pure white suit sits next to me. 

“Hello Nick” he says.  “I see you’ve had a really nice time walking down memory lane.  You have a great deal many people who love and admire you.  You have a lot to be grateful for.”

“Yes, I know.  I’m truly a very lucky man” I say to him.  The more I look at the man beside me, the more warm and peaceful I feel.  I feel like I should know him. 

“Judging by the look on your face, you are trying to place me, correct?” he asked. 

“Yes, I feel like I should know you.  Do I? I asked him.

“Well, no, not exactly.” he replied.  “But you have been known to talk to me on occasion.”

Then it hit me. 

“Am I.............de..de...dead?” I stammered out.

“Yes Nick, you passed away when a drunk driver hit you on your way home.” he replied. 

“I....wow.  I...dunno what to say.  I just wish I could have conveyed all those thoughts I just had to the people I had them about” I said.

“Oh Nick, they know.  Look” he said as he held out his hand.  A clear orb appeared about the size of a basketball.  As I peered into it, all of the people I loved appeared within it.  I could hear their thoughts, and they echoed the sediments I had just recently expressed in my mind moments earlier.  I knew then, that each and every one of my loved ones knew how I felt about them.  I had made it a point to tell them how I felt often.  I’m so happy, now that I’m gone, that I don’t have to worry about if I had told the ones that I cherished the most just how much they mean to me.  That gave me the comfort I needed to be at peaceful rest.