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She felt like a complete and utter fool to think that he still loved her. He just wanted something that was familiar and was going to say whatever it took to get her to that place. Even now, her heart wouldn't let go of him. She couldn't go out with a guy without comparing him to Joe. Even the most recent steady, Brent. It's nice to feel protected but she felt more than smothered some days. It was like she couldn't go anywhere without feeling like she was being watched. It was starting to get creepy to be honest. It had been two months since the incident at Joe's place. How is it somebody can get so under your skin and you don't even realize it? What frightened her the most was the first time she was with somebody after that day, she called out his name in the throes. And that was two weeks after the fact! She was going insane she was sure of it. Knocking on Barb's door, she waited and rocked back and forth on her feet until she was greeted by Tom.”Is she ready to go?”

“Almost. Why don't you come on in and wait in the living room and I'll set her ass in gear.”

“Just her ass?”Ava joked with Tom.

“That's the only part that's holding her back.”

“I heard that,”she called out.

“I can get her,”Ava said.

“Just have a seat.”

Ava was confused. Normally, Tom would let her just cruise right through the house. Something was up. Reluctantly she found her way in there. Fuck! She should have known better. Why did Barb keep insisting on putting them in the same room? She should just leave but she was going to be an adult about it. Taking a seat across the way from him, she crossed her legs and bounced her knee nervously. Why she should be so nervous she didn't know but the minute their eyes connected, it was like she couldn't stay mad at him. Ever. It was hard enough walking out on him but she needed somebody that was going to be there for her. She understood that his fans had a place in his life but she should have been the one that came first in his heart. Maybe deep down she knew but he was never able to say the words until she walked out on him that night.

“Everything going okay these days?”He was the first to say something. The silence was deafening and he was sure she felt it too. He was also confident that Barb coerced Tom into this little scheme. He knew he screwed up that afternoon. Even Gretchen reamed him for something she knew nothing about. Okay, so maybe she did but she didn't turn out to be as polite as everybody thought she was. The things that came out of her mouth. Their romance didn't last but two weeks after that because she thought he was still in love with Ava. She was right but he wasn't about to admit it to her.

She turned her head and gave him a look.”Like you care.”

“You don't think I do?”

“I think you just need somebody to keep your bed warm and I'm the most familiar piece you could put there.”

“Why do you keep fighting this Ava? I've never stopped loving you.”

“Then why couldn't you say it before I walked out that door?! I gave you my heart , said the words so many times I felt like a broken record because I was the only one saying them!” Dammit! She couldn't cry in front of him and yet there the tears were. Just like raindrops. She buried her face in her hands and sobbed. She felt his arm around her shoulder; pulling her toward his chest there on the couch.

“Please just let me go,”Ava replied weakly through her tears.

“Ava, please look at me. If I die of a broken heart it'll be on you.”

That brought her attention to him and a halt to the endless stream of tears pouring out of her eyes.

When she looked up at him, he swiped away the remnants and grinned.”I had to get your attention but I'd die a lonely old man before I let anyone else into my heart Ava. You have to know that.”

“Then why couldn't you tell me then? While I was still there?”

:”Because I was stupid and thought we had all the time in the world to say those three little words that are as huge as can be.”

“So you were afraid. Even after all the times I professed it to you?” Ava pulled out of his embrace.
For as much as she wanted to remain there, it was impossible to remain rational. Nobody's ever rational when it comes to love she reasoned with herself.

“I know it doesn't make sense but has love ever made sense to you?”

“Until you came along , absolutely none but I can't do this anymore Joe. I can't give my heart to you when I know you could rip it right out of me again.”

“I understand but my life is so empty without you there telling me that despite not knowing what I was doing in the kitchen that it was enough to know that I tried to make you a romantic dinner. Or falling asleep with you curled up next me as we watch a classic movie on Saturday night. Waking up Sunday morning and reading the funny papers until you start nibbling on my neck and we forget that they exist until late afternoon and we need to eat. I don't want to be without you there anymore Ava. I just want things the way they used to be and I'm not going to say I love you now because I know you'll just think it's a way for me to get back in.”

“Then you don't know me that well. That's all I've ever wanted to hear you say.. Ever. I never needed a big production, just three little words.”Getting up off the couch, she called for Barb.

She felt his hands on her shoulder and his breath there as well. It took all her resolve to not turn around and forget why she should just let him go. But she couldn't resist. Despite the ache in her heart, she let go of the resistance and turned to face him. She pulled his mouth to hers and kissed him as hungrily as she did the last time and pulled away breathlessly. Their eyes locked and he pulled her back in. Mouths connecting, tongues twisting as he eased back onto the couch. Her knees sinking into the couch as she straddled him, forgetting where they were. Forgetting there was another man in her life. Attempting to get this one naked. Loving him like she never had before then pulled away.”We can't do this.”

He started nibbling down her neck and she weakened yet again. She pulled his mouth to hers and unbuttoned his shirt as the desire built between them. She started nibbling down his neck and he whispered,”Maybe we should go back to my place.”

“Or mine.”

“Either way , make a decision cuz I don't want you getting freaky on my couch,”Barb stated.

That brought Ava back to reality.” I can't do this,”she whispered.

“Why not?”

“I have a boyfriend.” She removed herself from his lap and was sorry she'd let it go on like it did.

He grabbed her hand and she gave him an apologetic look. Turning her eyes to Barb she said,”Let's go.”

Karma's definitely a bitch because it can't keep letting us get this close then yanking the rug out from under our feet. Something has got to give. After the girls had left, Tom sat on the other end of the couch and said,”You gonna be okay?”

“Why does this keep happening?”

“First it was Gretchen now SHE'S got someone. Any other guy would think I'm a wimp for admitting this but I love her. I can't live without her.”

“I know. I'll talk to Barb. She just wants you two to be happy together but you two have to make it happen.”



“Are you nuts?!”Barb scolded Ava as they headed down the freeway toward the mall that afternoon.

“What? I have a boyfriend. I don't do that.”

“Why not? Brent is scum and you know it!”

Ava pulled over to the side of the road and killed the engine.”First, you're my friend Barb and I love you but stop meddling! Just because you think it's right doesn't mean it is. I loved him but he couldn't tell me he did until it was too late. I can't just forget that. As for Brent, that's my choice whether you like it or not and maybe one day I will open my eyes but no matter how much you force Joe and I together, it's just not meant to be. At least not right now.”


Barb sat quietly stunned at her friend's outburst but she was right. She could force it all she wanted but maybe it just wasn't in the stars. Maybe she was just seeing something she thought was there.

“Please don't hate me Barb. I just-”

“I'm so sorry Ava. I guess I thought something was there when it really wasn't,”Barb interrupted Ava.

“ I thought there was too but I had to move on. I'll always love him but I may never be in love with him again.” You just keep telling yourself that Ava and maybe one day you'll believe it