Chapter  1:

I laid on the bed at my grandma Dee’s staring up at the ridges on the ceiling.  Down stairs I could hear the front door open and I groaned in response. Today was the big day. My dad was back from his honey moon and was here to take me home, to his house. This was it. This was supposed to be my last move. I wasn’t ready. More importantly, I was afraid my dad wasn’t ready.

“Mom, Jackson?” I heard him call out. I made no attempt to move or even respond. Grandma Dee however rushed to greet him.

“Alex, Honey, I’m so glad to see you.” She cooed over him as though he were an infant.

“Hey mom, I missed you.” He replied undoubtedly hugging her now.

“Oh Rochelle, It good to see you again sweetie. How are you?”

Upon hearing her name I rolled my eyes. Dad couldn’t have left her side long enough to come get me? Really?

“I’m good Denies.” She returned.

“Please, call me mom.” The line made me roll my eyes. Some times that woman was way too nice.

I know it probably seems like I don’t like Rochelle. Let me explain, it’s not that I don’t like her. I don’t know her enough to like or not like her. I simply disagree that my dad is ready for this type of relationship with her. He hasn’t even been able to handle being a dad. How in the hell is he supposed to be a husband?

“Where is he?” I could hear curiosity in his raspy voice.

Grandma Dee must have simply pointed because next I heard a few footsteps followed by, “Jackson?”

I rolled my eyes again. I roll my eyes a lot.

“Jack?” He said now sounding as though he were half way up the stairs.

“Don’t be lazy.” Grandma Dee instructed.

“Yeah babe, don’t just call for him. Anyone can do that.” Rochelle agreed. Maybe she wouldn’t be too bad to have around.

Suddenly I felt another person near me, “Hey buddy.” His voice said.

I rolled my head sideways and looked at him standing in the door frame, “Hey.”

For a moment he stood awkwardly silent. I couldn’t take it. I spoke up with the first thing that popped into my head.

“Have a good time in Paris with Rochelle?”

Big mistake on my part. The worst, goofy grin spread over his face.

“Yuck.” I told him in disgust as I sat up. My eyes lingered on the suitcases in front of me on the floor.

My life had come down to this. Everything I owned fit into two large suitcases a medium sized box and one small duffel bag. It was kinda depressing.

“Is that everything?” He asked following my eyes.

I only nodded.

“Wow, it’s uh, less than I expected.” He rubbed the back of his head.

He had no idea he had opened up a door. I sat thinking about the rude things I could say in response. I mean he had never taken the time to buy me much. It wasn’t my Grandparents responsibility. It was his.

“Yeah well unlike you I’m not famous. I can’t buy myself anything I want at the drop of a hat…” That was pretty good. “Or I guess in your case it’d be the drop of some sunglasses.” I added something to make it not sound so bad.

I looked up at him and he nodded. He actually looked like he felt bad.

“You can always tell me when there is something you want or need. I don’t have a problem buying you things. You deserve it… everything you’ve been through.”

I sighed a bit. Was he really trying to make it sound like my love could be bought? I wasn’t sure.

“I don’t deserve anything just cause my life has sucked thus far.” It was a bitter pill to swallow but it had to be said.

“Jackson, I’m sorry for everything I’ve done and haven’t done. I really am and hope you can believe me.”

He moved even closer to me. I said nothing.

“I hope in time you’ll be able to forgive me.” He added.

I nodded and looked away from him, “I hope in time you’ll prove you deserve my forgiveness.”

“Fair enough.” He quickly responded.

I stood wanting the conversation to be over. I was like him in the fact I hated conflict, confrontation and anything remotely close to it. I liked smooth sailing; probably due to the fact my life had never been smooth.

“Gonna help me?” I asked slinging my duffel onto my shoulder. I then picked up the box as he stepped in quietly and grabbed the bags.

We made our way down the stairs and past the girls. My grandmother patted my back as I passed by her. I looked at her nervously then gave Rochelle a polite smile but said nothing.

We took my stuff out to his black Navigator then went back in.

“I love you Jackson.” Grandma Dee hugged me as I stepped close to her.

“I love you too.” I replied.

I then stepped aside so dad and Rochelle could tell her bye. My stomach twisted as I watched. I didn’t want to leave.

“You call me if you need anything at all. I’m always gonna be no more than a phone call away.” She assured me.

I could only nodded. If I said anything my voice would crack due to me fighting the urge to cry. In this moment of my life, I was happiest with her. She understood me. She got me. She could read me like book. She however wanted more for me. This is why she was making me live with my dad.

I turned and walked out of the house and quietly got into the car.

For the first half of the ride things were quiet. The second half of the ride the silence got to Rochelle and she began to talk… to me.

“So Jackson, I was telling your dad that your room at his new place could use a face lift. If you want I’d be happy to help you paint or… ya know, do whatever you want to make it more… you.”

The offer was great. I liked the idea of getting to make it my own. I’d never had a room I was truly proud of before.

“That’d be cool. Thanks.” I told her.

I forced myself to speak even though I just wanted to be left alone. I may be a quiet type of guy but I’m certainly not rude. Grandma Dee had taught me better than that.

“Any ideas on what you might want?” Dad jumped in.

“I dunno, red?”

“Red and what? We gotta have a second color.” Rochelle informed me.

I had no idea. What went with Red? “Black?” I didn’t sound very confident.

“Yes, those colors are great together. You could even throw in some grey or silver. It would look amazing.”

I gotta admit. She wasn’t like the step moms I had seen on tv. They were all mean and had no sense of coolness or taste. She on the other hand was sounding like she had a lot of both.

I nodded and allowed myself to smile a small bit.

“I’m really looking forward to getting to know you so don’t be afraid of me. Ask me anything, talk to me whenever. I want us to get along good.” She turned in the front seat to look at me. I could see dad smile in the mirror.

“Ok, I’ll remember that.” I said to her. It got her to turn around.

“You gotta have some questions Jack… or things you want her to know about you… likes, dislikes, something.” Dad was now pushing me to get to know her. I didn’t like that. I wanted things to be on my own terms.

“Uh, sure, I guess for starters you should know I don’t like being called Jack.” I eyed my father in the mirror.

“Ok, is there anything other than Jackson you like to be called?” Her voice was rather sweet.

“JD is cool, never Jr. or Little AJ. Some of my friends call me Daniel but honestly I like plain ole Jackson.” Talking to her wasn’t so hard I guess.

“I didn’t know you didn’t like being called Jack.” Dad popped in.

I quickly opened my mouth to snap back and respond, “How the hell could you?” I mean. He never stuck around long enough to figure it out.

I could hear Grandma Dee in my head scolding me for ‘back talking’ my dad. She had raised me too well.

“It just reminds me of what I was named after.” I decided on replying with the truth. I wanted to see how he would react.

In case you haven’t figured it out by now. I’m named after my father’s favorite alcoholic beverage. Alcohol was over half the reason he’d never been there for me. The last thing I wanted was a reminder of all that. He did a good enough job reminding me all on his own… without even having to call me Jack.

I could hear my dad gulp. He suddenly looked uncomfortable. Rochelle opened her mouth looking confused but then closed it. “Oh…” She finally said. Took a second for her to catch what I was saying.

“Was that your idea or hers?” Rochelle asked after a few moments of awkward silence.

I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing. It was a dumb question.

“Mine.” He quickly replied. He looked upset.

Honestly, I was a little glad it upset him. It meant he had to feel guilty a little. He deserved to feel bad a bit. I had felt bad most of my life.

The car fell a bit silent again as we drove. My eyes looked out the window as we drove past random buildings, people and cars. I wasn’t even sure where we were going. I wanted to ask but it seemed a little irrelevant. I mean, I couldn’t protest if I didn’t like the answer.

I figured it out soon enough on my own. We pulled into the parking lot of a large hotel.

“Why are we here?” I had to know.

“Flight home isn’t till tomorrow.” Dad said as he got out.

I didn’t understand. If we had to stay overnight why didn’t we just stay with Grandma Dee? Also… home? What did he mean flight home? I thought he lived here in Florida.

“Where…” I had trouble forming a sentence through my confusion. “Where is… home?”

I knew where MY home was. My home was with Grandma Dee. At least, that’s how I felt. Calling something else home just seemed… wrong.

“Cali.” Rochelle flashed me a warm smile as she jumped out the vehicle.

“Cali? As in California?” I asked out loud. I was alone in the car. Neither of them could hear me.

My heart felt like it was suddenly being ripped apart. Grandma Dee never said anything about dad living outside of Florida. She just said I was going to live with him now.

So not only was I being taken away from Grandma Dee but I was being taken all the way to the other side of the country. That just wasn’t fair.

“You gonna get out?” Dad asked opening my door.

I couldn’t make my eyes meet his. I couldn’t move. I was in shock. “Flight. Cali.” Was all I could say.

“Yes, flight to California. Tomorrow morning. I… we… live in California.” He seemed oblivious as to why I seemed dazed.

Slowly I moved out of the car. My eyes still couldn’t meet his or Rochelle’s. I felt like I was in a vortex or something.

“Jackson, are you ok?” Rochelle asked. She sounded concerned. He hand fell on my shoulder and I looked at it. Suddenly my eyes traveled over her hand, up her arm and then landed on her eyes.

I moved my mouth a little to fix the dryness I felt.

“Jackson?” She asked again. Now she looked worried.

“Uh…” I tried to shake off the uneasy feeling. “Why, why aren’t we staying the night with…” I wasn’t sure what to call her when speaking to Rochelle.

“Moms dealt with you long enough.” Dad spoke up.

Dealt with me? Was he trying to say that I was some sort of a burden?

“Alex!” Rochelle scolded him instantly. “Our flight is very early. The hotel is much closer to the airport and we didn’t want to trouble her.” She said turning to me.

“Oh.” I didn’t know what else to say. I was dealing with a rather large mix of emotions.

Let’ see, I was concerned about living with dad. I was struggling with the idea of going all the way to Cali. My father had just made me feel like a burden and now his new wife seemed to have genuine concern for me. I wasn’t sure how I felt about the last thing.

“I’m sure you just need time to adjust. I’ll always have an ear if you need me.” She rubbed my shoulder a little and walked toward the back of the car.

“You need to apologies. That couldn’t have helped boost his self-esteem.” I heard Rochelle quietly tell him.

“I didn’t mean it like it sounded.” He defended himself.

“I know that but he doesn’t Alex.”

I looked over and saw dad give her a strange look.

“I’m just trying to help. You said you wanted me to help you with all this.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” His eyes shot down to his feet.

Only a moment later dad looked towards me and I quickly looked away. After a deep sigh I could hear him walk toward me.

“Jackson…” He paused and I turned my eyes to look at him. “I’m sorry. What I said sounded really harsh and I didn’t mean it that way.”

My mouth opened but I closed it fearful of how to respond.

“I just meant that mom isn’t getting any younger. Taking care of any kid, not just you, is hard. I want the stress off her shoulders. You’re my son not hers.”

It made sense. His comment however still hurt. I nodded.

Maybe I just needed to cut him a little slack. He hadn’t had much of a chance to learn how to be a parent, what to say, what not to say. It of course was his own fault but still… maybe he just needed a chance to learn.

“It’s alright. Maybe just uh, think a bit before you say something next time.”

He nodded then smiled, “Brian tells me that all the time. I’ll work on it, kay?”

“Kay.” I replied again.

He smiled a bit bigger and slung an arm around me. It amazed me a bit. Did he really think we were fine that quickly?

“So, I don’t wanna take everything inside. Can you handle just taking in what you need for one night?” He asked.

“Uh, yeah.” I said and scratched my head. I hadn’t really organized my stuff. I had just thrown in all in.

I grabbed the larger of my two bags and unzipped it. Instantly Rochelle giggled. Dad and I looked at her.

“Your dad packs the same way.” She explained.

Dad blushed but slid his arms around her anyway. She turned her head and kissed his cheek and I turned away.

After ruffling through my bag I grabbed out some shorts and a t-shirt to sleep in and some jeans to put on in the morning. I stuffed them into my small duffel and turned to my father. He was still holding onto Rochelle.

“I’m ready.” I told them.

It was almost a lie. I was ready to go inside but I wasn’t ready for the rest of my life. I was far from ready for the rest of my life.