CHAPTER 3:

After dad woke up Rochelle we all walked off the plane and to the baggage claim. We gathered our bags and headed for dad’s car. We packed our bags into the trunk then climbed in and drove off to his house… my… house.

All of that took place in total silence. Not even Rochelle spoke. She looked pretty sleepy. Dad looked lost in thought and I… I guess I was lost in thought too.

I was angry, upset, confused and hurt. I honestly wanted to call Grandma Dee and explain what was going on. I wanted to try and use it as a tool to convince her being with my father was not a good idea. I couldn’t though. Not right now anyway. I would once I was alone.

“Finally,” Rochelle broke the silence as I felt the car slow down. “We’re home.” She sounded happy. The car stopped and she quickly got out. I sat perfectly still looking at the very large home through the window. It reminded me of a larger version of dad’s first big house. It was white brick with an almost red colored roof. Dad’s last two houses that I had seen reminded me of a vampire’s castle.

I heard my dad sigh deeply and looked just in time to catch him staring at me through the rear view mirror. I couldn’t figure out if his eyes where full of sorrow and anger. Either way didn’t exactly thrill me. They both meant the same thing. They meant dad and I still had a lot to work on if we were ever gonna be ok. At that moment I didn’t care much if we ever got better. I was angry.

Dad pretended to cough a bit then got out of the car. I continued to sit there. I needed a moment to take everything in.

“Jackson, you alright?” I heard Rochelle ask as the car door near me opened.

I just nodded then got out slowly. Dad had already gotten a few of my things so silently I grabbed the rest and followed him up to the door.

“Why don’t you just show him his room. He can have a tour later. I’m sure he’s tired right now.” Rochelle said unlocking the door.

Dad only nodded to agree. The silence continued.

We entered the home and were greeted by two large dogs. Dad seemed happy to see them but held back his emotions. Rochelle called them away and I took in the room around me. Based on how well it was decorated I knew either Rochelle had done it or they had hired someone. There was no chance dad had decorated, I knew for one cause the every frame hung perfect level.

Dad glanced at me quickly then headed up a large set of slightly spiraled stairs. I assumed I was to follow.

I tried not to look nosey as I glanced around the house and into rooms as we walked. Most of the doors were closed so there wasn’t much to see. Then dad walked into a bright pastel blue room. My nose wrinkled at the sight of the color. Now I knew why Rochelle had commented about changing it to something I liked.

The furniture was ok at least. It wasn’t anything fancy but it was much better than anything I had in the past. The bed looked like it was queen size. That was pretty cool. The headboard was some type of cast iron. The dresser and desk where a maple wood and the computer chair looked super comfortable. It was a rather large room too. I figured with some new paint it had potential to be my best room yet. Of course I didn’t have many past bedrooms to judge.

Still silent dad sat my things down on the end of the bed. I dropped what I had on the floor. Awkward did not even begin to describe the feeling I now had. Dad and I tried to avoid looking at each other but somehow our eyes met. I could feel that mine looked cold. Dad’s… I still couldn’t read them. They almost seemed like they had a mix of emotions filling them. Maybe that’s why I couldn’t understand them.

The longer our eyes met the more an angry feeling welled up inside of me. I wanted him to leave me alone. He was nothing more than a selfish hypocrite. I hated him. I didn’t care if I wasn’t supposed to. I did.

“Jack-“

“Save it!” He tried to speak but I cut him off. His voice had been low, almost sounding remorseful. Still, I didn’t care.

“You don’t understand.” He told me.

“I don’t care to either.” I told him as I walked and sat down in the computer chair.

“Please just hear me out.” Now he seemed to beg. He took a step closer to me as his fingers reached for the hem of his shirt. The action stuck me but not enough to relax me.

“Why should I?” I spat. Grandma Dee probably would have backhanded me by now. She had not raised me to speak disrespectfully to adults. This adult however didn’t deserve much respect in my mind however.

“Because you’re getting upset about something you shouldn’t.” His hand came up and ran threw his thinning hair wildly. He was frustrated.

“I shouldn’t get upset? Are you insane?” My voice raised as I stood.

Dad looked a little taken back. I didn’t blame him. My actions were very out of character.

“Jackson, the song-“

“The song showed your true colors. You’re a damn hypocrite.” I fought a growing lump in my throat.

“I wrote it before you were born!” He shouted.

I opened my mouth to speak but couldn’t. His words registered in my head and quieted me.

He stood quiet for a moment as I tore my eyes away from him. When he seemed sure I wasn’t going to speak he kept talking. “I wrote that when I was your age. I never meant for anyone to hear it. Not even him. Then Ro came across it and fell in love with it. She told me I needed it on the album. I fought her for the longest time but eventually caved. I didn’t mean for it to hurt you.”

I took in his words. The last line however spoke louder than the rest. “That’s always been your excuse. You didn’t mean to. You never mean to hurt me. Yet, you always do.”

“Jackson, please.” He pleaded. “Believe me, I’m sorry.”

I shook my head and he looked as though it broke it his heart. My next words would break it even more. “Let me ask you one thing.”

He looked at me.

“How does it feel?” My eyes pierced through him. I let the silence linger then said, “Now, the tables have turned.”

“I’m sorry.” He whispered then left the room.

My heart raced. My pulse pounded.

He was sorry. Like that word made it better. It was almost funny. Ha, was supposed to believe him too. That was really rich. I had believed him the first hundred times. He wasn’t going to fool me anymore.

I walked over to my door a slammed it shut. I was ready to be alone and call Grandma Dee.

I pulled out my dinosaur of a cell phone and dialed her number. Sitting back down in my chair I listened to it ring.

“Hello honey.” She picked up.

“Hey.” I said back. My tone was very short.

“Uh oh. What’s going on?” She knew me too well.

“I know you always say we aren’t supposed to hate anyone but I hate him. I wanna come back to your house. Please don’t make he stay here with… with… HIM.”

“Jackson, slow down now. Start at the beginning so I can help.” Her voice was soft and comforting.

“I was listening to songs on his cell phone and one of his came on. Sincerely yours. He’s so hypocritical. What’s worse is we get here to his place and he tries to tell me he wrote it before I was born and that Rochelle made him put it on the album and that he didn’t mean to hurt me. Then he tries to tell me he’s sorry. What a joke!”

“Jackson, He wasn’t lying. He and I talked about that song and Ro wanting it on his album. I told him she was right and to put it on there.”

I said nothing.

He hadn’t been lying. His story was true. It didn’t make me feel bad however. He had hurt me He wanted his millionth ‘I’m sorry’ to fix it.

“Jackson, I know the words of that song couldn’t have made you feel good but that’s no reason to come back here. You need to be with your father so you both can work things out. You both need each other more than you know.” She tried hard to convince me.

“But he keeps saying he’s sorry then hurting me again. He’s been doing it my whole life. How is this time different? Why should I trust him now? I don’t wanna get hurt by him again.” A tear formed and rolled down my cheek.

“Honey, you have to be patient. If he means it he’ll show you. You have to give him time to show you. I know deep down you want him in your life. You always have.”

She was right. She always was.

“But..” I tried to argue.

“No. No buts. You are staying with him. I won’t let you two give up on each other. I want both of you to be happy. That’ll never happen till you both work things out. Make it happen.”

“I don’t know how.” More tears slid down my face.

“Yes you do Jackson. Don’t let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.”

I took a deep breath. “I can’t make any promises.” I told her.

She seemed to ignore me, “I love you Jackson.”

“Love you too Grandma Dee.”

With that we both said goodbye and hung up.

Emotions once again filled me and swirled around over whelming me. I took a few breaths fighting what I knew I couldn’t.

I stood and move to my bed as a tear fell down my face again. As my face hit the cool pillow I let go and allowed the tears to fall. I felt… broken.