The Truth Between The Lies       

By Dottie

Copyright 2012

Chapter 20

Jade

            Even though I knew I had, Nick wasn’t thrilled with the penis leash; he did lavish attention my way through most of the show.  That is, until the dipshit behind us decided to fling her arms up in the air and spill her beer all over Lilly. Her blouse clung to her like a second skin and Nick couldn’t take his eyes off her chest. In all fairness, Brian couldn’t either…but Brian wasn’t the man I love.

            Lilly is PISSED that she smells like beer. She’s also pissed about Nick’s attention. She turns to me and I barely hear her yell, “Jade, I’m sorry.”

            I yell back, “Don’t be. It’s not your fault.”

            Thankfully there were only two songs left and Nick was so into the dance routines, he didn’t have a chance to pay attention to us.  When the lights come up, we all sit, letting the crowds thin out before we make our way backstage.

            While we’re waiting on the guys, Lilly sits close to me and says, “Jade, I mean it. I’m so sorry.”

            I say, “Lilly, don’t. I’ve spent years loving a man who possibly can’t love me back. I have to accept that.”

            She says, “I think he does care, Jade. I just don’t think he realizes it.”

            I nod and say, “Maybe. I don’t know.”

            AJ comes in first and makes a b-line for Aspen.  They lock lips, not caring who is looking. Lilly and I share an amused laugh at their expense. Howie and Colleen come in next, both wishing Aspen a happy birthday.

I move away from everyone when I get a text.  My heart melts.  Dale had sent me a picture of Calleigh sleeping in a brand new big-girl bed with mermaids all over it.  She’s still sucking her thumb, but not like she used to. Her tiny little arm is wrapped around her favorite tattered yellow blankie. Seeing her sleeping, my sense of purpose is renewed. As much as I want to have Nick in my life…I have the best part of him and me together. Our baby girl.

I look up to see he’s come into the room. And he’s ogling Lilly like a thirsty man coveting water. I feel my heart plummet and bile rise in my throat. How he can possibly break a shattered heart, I’ll never know, but I can’t do it anymore. I can’t sit by and watch this unfold before my eyes. I can’t watch him choose another woman over me. 

Hell he chose Paige over his own daughter.  He hasn’t even asked me about her and I damn sure know he knows.  When I called to tell him, the bitch answered the phone.  I explained I needed to talk to Nick and she said I could tell her, he was indisposed. So I told her. What did I know, she seemed like a great girl from what I saw in the press.  She was shocked and told me she’d tell Nick.  She put me on hold, but when she came back, I distinctly heard him say, “I just don’t give a fuck.”  That was all I needed to know.

Now he’s doing it again…only this time, he’s choosing Lilly.  I’ll never come first in his eyes. Why am I even trying?  Before anyone knows what’s going on, I bolt from the room. I hear Aspen yell, “JADE!” but I just keep going.  It’s just not fair.  Why can’t anyone love me?

Once I’m at the hotel, I realize I can’t stay here. Everyone knows my room number.  I change my clothes, sliding on sweats and a t-shirt.  I call Pam and beg her to let me stay at her place tonight.  She readily agrees because she’s determined to make me talk. After I call a taxi, I make a quick call to Dale, only to get shunted to his voice mail.  I say, “Just wanted to thank you for the text. Didn’t get it till after the show. Hug her for me; I’ll talk to you tomorrow.  Dale…Dale, I’m so stupid. Talk to you soon.”

After I’m in the cab, speeding through the night to Pam’s, I text Aspen and Lilly. “Sorry girls. I can’t do it. Lilly, I love you and always will. Good luck with Brian. Aspen, I’m happy you found AJ.  I’m ok, I promise. Gonna stay with a friend.  See you for brunch, I promise. Love you both.” I switch off my phone so the barrage of calls and texts will stop. 

I wake up at 8:30 the next morning. After breakfast with Pam, I head back to the hotel. I think carefully about what to wear for my last meeting with Nick.  Always before, I went for sexy, eye grabbing and alluring. Not today. Today, he’s going to see me for what I really am. I’m a real woman, with a real, soft side.  And quite possibly and un-fixable broken heart.

I stare at myself in the mirror, hardly believing it’s really me.  The soft white dress I chose makes me look almost pure and innocent.  I’m not even showing cleavage and it hangs well below my knees. The gold chain link belt around my waist is the only adornment I wear. That and earrings. No necklace, no rings, no bracelet. I let my hair fall in soft waves around my face and take extra special care with my makeup.  I tell myself it’s not for Nick, but it is.  I want him to see me as a woman…not just a quick fuck.

When I get to Aspen’s, the door is open and I let myself in.  Reese sees me first with her mouth full of Rice Krispies, she says, “Auntie Jade so pwetty.”

Lilly and Aspen look up, both their faces bathed in relief. Then both their mouths drop open as if they are seeing me for the first time.  Lilly finds her voice first and says, “Jade…God, you look STUNNING!”

I blush and smile, pleased with her compliment.  Aspen says, “Is that really you, Twig?  Oh my God you’re beautiful.”

I hug them both before sitting down and say, “Thanks.” Giving Aspen my full attention, I say, “I’m sorry I ran out on your birthday.”

She lowers her eyes and says, “It’s ok, Jade.”  She clears her throat and says, “Jade, last night….well, I did something kind of stupid.”

Lilly said, “If you’re talking about stopping me from kicking him in the balls, then yeah you did. Everything else was justified.”

I roll my eyes and say, “What happened?”

Aspen says, “Well…you know me. I sort of went off on Nick. With both barrels.”

I say, “What did you say, Red?”

She stares down at the table cloth and I can see she’s trying to find the words…finally Lilly says, “She told Nick if you tried to hurt yourself again she’d let the whole world know what a slimy, inconsiderate, rotten piece of shit he really is and tell them how he used you.”

I close my eyes.  Aspen says, “I’m sorry Jade. I was so worried and so mad at him.  My mouth moved faster than my brain. Please don’t hate me.”

I open them and say, “I don’t Aspen. It’s ok, really. I’m…I’m beyond that point of my life. I didn’t even think about it last night. I had much more important things on my mind.”

Lilly says, “What’s going on Jade? I figured you’d be a basket case this morning. Why aren’t you totally freaking out?”

OK, how stupid is it that three adults forgot the 3-year old munching on her cereal?  It’s at this moment Reese pipes in and says, “Mommy, I bored.”

I look at Reese and smile.  While Aspen clears her place, I say, “Reese, come sit with me.  I have a secret to tell you, Mommy and Auntie Lilly.”

After she climbs up on my lap, I take my cell phone from my purse.  I get really serious with Reese and say, “Now, if I tell you this secret, you have to promise not to tell anyone. Even AJ, ok?”

She nods solemnly, her little face alight with curiosity.  I’m not really worried about her telling AJ.  I doubt she’ll remember too much what I’m getting ready to say.

Aspen says, “I don’t know if I can handle too many more secrets.”

Lilly says, “What’s going on, Jade?”

I pull up the last picture on my phone and show it to Reese.  She says, “Who’s that?”

Taking a deep breath I say, “That’s your cousin, Calleigh.”

I look up to see Lilly and Aspen both turn white as a sheet.  Lilly recovers first and says, “Baby? You have a baby? With who?”

I hand her the phone.  She stares at my little angel, then looks at me and says, “You’re not serious!”

Aspen gets the phone.  Knowing her reaction will be much more vocal, I say, “Reese, I think you better go to your room. We’re gonna have a grown up talk.”

She hugs me and says, “OK. Will you pway wif me?”

I say, “Sure thing. We’ll have a tea party in a while. Why don’t you go get out the cups?”

After she leaves, I turn to Lilly and Aspen. Both are crying their eyes out, staring at my phone. I whisper, “I’m so sorry. When…I was 3 months pregnant when I took the pills.  Dale and Geri had me committed and when I got out, I moved in with them. I still live with them. They have a little boy that’s 4 months old. I just bought a huge new house for us.  Geri is my therapist and even though it’s a conflict of interest to be living there…they saved my life. I wanted to tell you both. I didn’t know how. I didn’t know what to say to make it ok because I knew you’d be mad as hell that I even contemplated suicide, let alone that I tried.”

Lilly sniffles and says, “We’re not mad, Jade. At least I’m not.  Not at you. I’ve been so self-absorbed keeping my own secrets that I never stopped to even consider you could be going through something so serious. Even when we went for months without talking…I should have known something was wrong.  I just chose to be happy that I didn’t have to explain my life to you two.”

Aspen looks at me and says, “Jade, she’s beautiful.” I just smile and take my phone back, going through other pictures for them. In one, we’re outside at a petting zoo and our faces are close together. Aspen says, “She’s Nick’s daughter, isn’t she?” I nod and she says, “You didn’t tell him?”

I say, “I did call. A few weeks before she was born. Paige answered the phone. She didn’t let me talk to Nick, but at the time, she was all goody-goody in the press. So I told her. She told Nick. His exact words were ‘I don’t give a fuck’ so I never called back.”

Lilly says, “What did he say when he saw you?”

I say, “Nothing. He didn’t mention her and neither did I. Instead I chose to blurt out I was in love with him. And he still doesn’t give a shit.”

Lilly goes through all the pictures on my phone as she says, “In all fairness, Jade, I think he does care.  He was beside himself last night after…after he found out. I don’t think…I think he’s aware now of how his actions affect others.”

I say, “What else happened?”

Aspen says, “He wanted to come find you. We all did. But Brian stopped us. He told us we had to trust you because you did text us you were ok. He told Nick it was time he grew up.”

Lilly says, “Be honest, Red. He told Nick to stop being a fucking douche and open his goddamn eyes to the best thing that’s ever happened to him. We all let him have it.”

I sigh and say, “I wish…I wish I had said no to this weekend. Red, I’m sorry, but I’ve just caused nothing but problems.”

She scoots over next to me and hugs me tightly. She says, “No, this is where you belong. Home with me. I want you to bring Calleigh home, Jade. I know you love Dale and Geri, but you should be here. Please?  Come home.”

I hug her tightly, refusing to cry. When we pull apart, I say, “Only if you let me buy you a house. This is no place for you and Reese to live.”

She stammers, “You…I…Jade, you can’t!”

I laugh and say, “I can and I will. I have the money Red. The only person I spend it on at the moment is Calleigh.”  I look at Lilly and say, “You coming home too?”

She says, “I don’t…I don’t know.  I guess it depends on…Brian.”

I look back and forth between them before I say, “OK…spill it.  I want to hear about last night. What happened with Brian?” Turning to Aspen, I say, “And AJ?”

They both sort of blush and Aspen says, “Brunch is at 11:30, right?” I nod and she says, “Come on, then. Lilly and I have to get dressed; we’ll talk in my room.”