The Truth Between The Lies

Copyright 2012

By Terri

Chapter 30

Lilly

“BRIAN!” I called over and over and over. I was beginning to sound like a broken record. I was following him out the door and straight to our car. He’s a fast little fucker but considering the handicap of heels I had, I wasn’t doing too bad in keeping up with him. “Goddammit Brian! Would you just fucking stop and talk to me?!”

He turned around and my heart sank.   Talk about sobering!

“What the hell do you want me to say Lilly?!  You were trying to fuck my best friend in there. Do I mean that little to you?!” He was keeping his distance on the opposite side of the car.

I was still drunk but I answered him sincerely. I knew one thing in this world was true, I loved him with all my heart and he loved me despite my very sordid past.  I know I’m not that woman anymore but when we went out in public I could feel the eyes always on me like ‘there she is, Lilly of the night’.  Maybe it was my own paranoia. “No.  I love you.  You know that.”

“Do I?  It sure doesn’t feel like it these days.  I married you for better or worse but I can’t keep my promise if you continue on this path of self-destruction.”

“So I have a few drinks.”

“You have more than a few drinks everyday baby.  You need help. The kind of help I can’t give you.”

I started walking away from him. I didn’t need to hear it. I was hearing it at every angle. I didn’t need my husband bringing up the rear on the subject. Things weren’t as perfect as everybody believed they were.  For being a porn star, I was a pretty decent actress.  For some of the men I had to let touch me for my sisters’ educations I had to be.  It probably didn’t help that I kept pushing him away every time he wanted to get close.  I’m not talking sexually necessarily. That actually seemed to be the only way we got along these days.  Everybody else believed I’d changed, why couldn’t I?

“You walk away from me this time Lilly and you may as well keep on walking.” His voice came from behind me. I stopped dead in my tracks.  That never hurt so much as it did this time.  Why?  Was it possible I actually had given my heart to this man?  I felt like a small part of me was dying with those words. The part that was him.

I turned and stormed back toward him. “Why do you love me?  Why do you put up with me?  Why?! Why?!  Why?!” I cried at the top of my lungs as I came at him.  He grabbed my wrists and looked me in the eye. “Why?”  I sobbed.

“Because you laugh at the jokes nobody else gets, you know how to make my favorite foods, you get that I’m not always the good boy everybody else sees and most of all because you have this soft side that  you never let the rest of the world see. “

“Why don’t you hate me right now?”

He loosened his grip on my wrists and gently took my hands. He should have been really pissed off but he wasn’t. “Because I love you and I want you to get some help.   I know you think you don’t have a problem but everybody loves you and they’re just concerned.  Don’t you know how much you would be missed?  How many people would miss you? I want you to get better and I’ll do whatever it takes to get you there sweetness.”

“You won’t just take me and leave me there will you?”

“Oh Lilly.  How could you ever think that I would do that to you baby?”

“I don’t know. I’ve just been left so many times that-“

He didn’t let me finish the sentence. “I’m not everybody else. I’m your bear.  I always will be but you have to do it on your own for a little bit.  Will you do that for me?”

I nodded.  “Jade’s never gonna speak to me again Brian.”

“I’m speaking to you.  You just have to give her a little time.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too Lilly Blue,” he replied and pulled me into his arms. He broke down with me that night.

The next morning Brian called Jade and Aspen.  I know how stubborn Jade is but I have a feeling Nick had something to do with her being there.  I don’t even remember half of what happened but I do remember breaking my sister’s heart. Now I understood why.  I was a fucked up mess at my youngest sister’s engagement party and I’m surprised she didn’t kick my ass out the door for what I bellowed in front of Calleigh. I was horrible.  Nick, AJ and Brian took the girls out to the backyard to play while I sat inside alone with my sisters. The two women I’d betrayed the most in my life. They sat across from me on the couch expectantly; arms folded across their chests. “First of all, I’d like to apologize for my behavior last night.  Aspen, I am so sorry for being such a bitch and Jade, God Jade, I hate myself for doing what I did to you. It’s like the alcohol took over and returned me to the Lilly of the night.  I understand if you never want to speak to me again but I also wanted you to know that I’m going to get some help. Real help. I’m going to go into rehab. I didn’t believe I had a problem until Brian was willing to let me walk away from him.”

“He would never do that to you Lils,” Aspen replied.

“I would have. Of course I don’t have a dick so I don’t matter,” Jade spat.

“Twig!”

“Well it’s true!  She whored herself out to get us through school, why wouldn’t she do it for the thrill anymore?”

“I expected you to be angry Twig but that was just flat out evil.  Once Brian walked into my life, every other man in the world has been non-existent. I had a lot of alcohol in me and I did A LOT of stupid things last night but you have no right to be sitting up there on your high horse when you couldn’t even tell us about Nick all those years!  Do you honestly think I would mess up the best thing that ever happened to me intentionally?!” I shot back at her.

“If you were paid enough you would.” she replied coldly.

“Get out!”

“You’re the one that invited us here.”

“Did I ask Red to leave?”

“Why Nick Lilly?!”

“Because he was there.  If there would have been another man standing there, it would have been somebody else. I didn’t know what I was doing.  My husband ran it down for me this morning. Why do think I’m having such a hard time looking Nick in the eye?  I love you Jade.   Please don’t hate me.”

“I don’t hate you Lils but for as long as we’ve been alive, guys have always swarmed to you. I wanted to be you for that reason alone but lately all I could think is what happened to my gorgeous, vibrant sister and why isn’t she getting any help? I love you.  You’re just gonna have to give me some time.”

“I can do that.  Red?”

“Just get some help Lils. That’s all I want for you right now. “

I got up from the chair I was sitting in and walked toward them. “Can I sit?”

“I don’t know. Can you?” Aspen teased.

“If you move over a little I can smartass.”

She moved over and allowed me to sit between them. I looked to each of them then said, “ There aren’t a lot of things I’m sure of in this world but the two things I know are that I have a man that will always stand by me and a bond that the strength of ten thousand men to break between me and my sisters. “

Jade let her wall of anger down and Aspen was the first to wrap her arm around my shoulder.  Jade followed suit and from that day I became a new person. I was no longer that Lilly Of The Night. I was just plain old Lilly Sapphire.