- Text Size +
Author's Chapter Notes:

The stress of the great divide is starting to work on Kalie and Nick... 

Chapter 10 The Great Divide

            There was a period of a about a week and a half after I told Rochelle about my nightmare when Nick didn’t call me or text me or even email me. At first I didn’t let it get to me but then I started thinking the worst.

            Maybe she did wear him down. Maybe she is convincing him to dump me right now. Maybe he just forgot all about me. Maybe I should just end it with him the next time I talk to him over the phone.

            It got to the point where I made myself over worry about it. Little things around the house reminded me about him and every inch of me was missing him more and more with each day that went by without talking to him. It got to the point where it became painful just thinking about Nick. I was starting to regret becoming Nick’s girlfriend in the first place. I should have known this would happen.

            My mind was taken off the subject for a few fleeting minutes when Katie called me up one night asking if I could drive her and three of her friends to a double date. I replied quickly and left right after I hung up the phone so I could take my time getting to her house.

            I picked up Katie and Roger and their best friends Shannon and Chase in Nick’s convertible. We drove with the top down and the radio blasting. We sang along to all the songs we knew and in about half an hour I dropped them off at the Backstreet Market. Before I left they invited me to have dinner with them in the Market Café. It was the same café where Nick set up his first date with Paris Hilton only it had a name change since Nick and I were there last. My mind went back to Nick and I felt my heart and mood drop.

            I peaked at Katie and Roger. They were acting like Nick and I would and even though they were both young, I could tell they were in love. I became jealous, of my own younger cousin and her boyfriend.

            I looked down at my cell phone to check the time and I made it seem like I had to go somewhere important when I said, “Ok you four have a good time and Katie call me when you want me to pick you guys up. I’ll meet you outside of the movie theater.”

            “Ok thanks for driving us cousin!”

            “No problem. I’ll see you later.”


            As I drove back home I couldn’t help but think about Katie and Roger. They were so lucky being in love and not having to worry about either of them leaving for a long period of time with one of them being left behind, alone. I got home and stared at my favorite picture of Nick and I. Maybe our relationship was too good to be true.     

            My mind kept buzzing with a million questions as I waited for Katie to call me. The questions continued to buzz when I came back home and waited by the phone. I had a weird feeling that Nick was going to call me that night. I started spinning the ring he had given me for my sweet 16 around my finger and stared at my cell phone.

            I had to be spinning that ring for five minutes when the phone finally rang.

            I picked it up after the first ring and Nick’s voice came from the opposite end of the line, “Hey Kalie.”

            “Hey Nick.”   

            “I’m so sorry I haven’t…”

            “It’s ok,” I interpreted. “You don’t have to explain yourself.”

            “What’s the matter? You sound upset?”

            “I’ve just been having these awful nightmares that you’re not here to wake me up from.”

            “I’m sorry about that. I really am. What was the nightmare?”

            “I’d rather not talk about it.”

            “Ok then. Are you sure there’s nothing else wrong?”

            “I just really have to tell you something. Do you have time to talk?”

            “Yeah. I have plenty of time… I have a feeling that I’m not going to like this talk though.”

            “I don’t think you’re going to either.”

            “There’s someone else isn’t there this time?”

            “No it’s not that at all.”

            “Then what is it?”

            I took in a deep breath then said, “It’s gotten to the point where missing you hurts. I don’t know how many more nights I can take sleeping in your bed alone. I don’t think a love like ours can survive when we are on different halves of the world. I should’ve gone with you in the first place and I still don’t know what is holding me back now so please don’t ask. I really do love you but… now it hurts to love you. I mean I’m waking up when you’re going to sleep and I wonder if you really are thinking of me. I get ready for another long day without and you’re just starting to dream. It’s hard to let it go, and make it through the day. It’s hard to hold on when we’re both so far way.”

            “Kalie… don’t do this to me. Not now. Not now when I’m at the most stressful part of the tour.”

            “Maybe we should just move on and get on with our lives.”

            “But how can we survive? Kalie our hearts are so connected that we’ll die when you take them apart. And one half of me is missing if I can’t hold you in my arms. Can’t we just overcome the distance? Make it through the time? Can’t we just overcome the great divide?”

            “Nick… I don’t think I can. You live your life and I’m living mine…”

            He cut me off, “Somehow we’ve got to find a way to get through. Kalie I keep waiting for the day when we find a place to stay and we’ll always wake up together. And I keep waiting for the time when every single night belongs to me and you. We’ll never have to move again.”

            “I don’t think that day will ever come.”

            “But it will! We could spread our roots and grow.”

            “But how can we when you’re traveling the world and I’m stuck at home? I can’t believe I’m saying this Nickolas… I don’t think I can be your girlfriend anymore.”

            “No. Don’t say that,” I heard his voice quiver and I was fighting back tears. “Just don’t tell me that. Take it back. Anything but that. You said you’d wait for me.”

            “I know I did… but… it hurts too much.”

            “The main reason I called you was to tell you that we are coming home in exactly a week. Will I still have a girlfriend to come home too?”

            “Nick,” I couldn’t hold back my tears any longer, “I don’t know if I could take any more pain.”

            “I guess I got my answer then.” His cracking voice was mixed with sadness, fear and a hint of anger.

            “No! Nick! Wait!” I whimpered but I was too late. He hung up.

            “God damn it!” I screamed throwing my phone against the wall smashing it. “What did you do Kalie?! This is not like you! You love Nick, why did you just break up with him?!”

            I looked into my mirror and asked my reflection, “Who have you become? This is not the same girl I’m used to seeing. What did I do?”

***Nick’s Point Of View***

            I slipped my phone into my pocket and buried my face into my hands.

            “What’s the matter?” I looked up to find Marcy sitting down next to me.

            “Nothing,” I murmured.

            “Oh come on something is wrong.” She inched closer to me.

            “I don’t want to talk about it Marcy.”

            “Ok come on. Talking helps and I’m here to listen.”

            “It’s my girlfriend.”

            “What about her?”

            “She doesn’t think our relationship can survive over distance.”

            “Then why didn’t she come…”

            “Don’t go there. I’ve already tried to ask her that she still doesn’t know what’s holding her back. Besides it’s not worth making her come now with only one week left.”

            “It sounds like she’s not the traveling type. And if she didn’t want to come with you in the first place I would say that she’s not worth getting upset over.”

            “Not worth getting upset over?! How dare you say that about my girlfriend! I absolutely love her! She’s everything to me!  Don’t tell me she’s not worth it. She’s worth everything!”

            “Oh,” was her only answer. Then she continued, “I can make it better. And I can change your mind about her.” Her fingers ran from my knee to just before my package.  

            I pushed her hand away angrily and got to my feet, “Rochelle was right about you. You just want me for yourself and can’t see that I’m taken. My heart belongs to Kalie and no one is going to ever change that.”

            I stormed up to my hotel room and locked myself inside it for the rest of the day until I was needed to go to the show. I plopped on the bed and took out my favorite picture of Kalie from my wallet. It was the one I had secretly taken of her sitting with her legs bent behind her, watching tv while she brushed out her hair. She was only wearing pink panties and a white tank top but she looked perfect, natural.    

            “I don’t know what happened Kalie,” I said to her picture. “I do know that I want you back. And I do know that I won’t ever stop loving you, even if Marcy wants to get between the two of us. I don’t wanna lose you now.”

An idea popped into my head. I grabbed my cell phone and wrote Kalie an email. I figured she didn’t want to hear my voice so I hoped she would read my words.

            “Dear Kalie,” I typed out, “If only I knew what I’ve done to make you feel the way you’ve been feeling lately. You know, so why don’t you tell me? I would bring down the moon and sun to show how much I care. I’ve got this feeling you’re not gunna stay. It’s just burning within me. This fear of losing, of slipping away, just keeps getting closer. Kalie, whatever reason to leave that I’ve had, my place is always beside you and I wish that I didn’t need you so bad. You’re face just won’t go away. I don’t want to lose you now. I know we can win this. I really don’t want to lose you now. Or ever again.”

            I read over the lyrics I had typed out then added, “I know it might be corny to email you lyrics to see if we could fix this but I really do feel this way. I really don’t want to lose you. I’ll do anything to make things right.”

            The email sent and I flopped back on the bed and covered my eyes with my hands. I looked at my favorite picture of Kalie again and fought back tears. She was the only girl who made me this emotional. She was too special to me. I don’t know if I was going to do if we didn’t fix this mess. I started asking myself questions. Does she have someone else? Did she just fall out of love with me? What is she doing right now? Is she thinking about me? Does she still love me?

***Kalie’s Point of View***

            That night I couldn’t stop crying. I curled up in bed with Nick’s sweat jacket balled up underneath my head. I cried myself to sleep that night as the tears soaked the gray sweat jacket.