All these years

We’ve been nothing but friends

Across town, the day was going much better for Brian even though doing nothing or just rest was out of his options. There were a lot of things that needed to be done, all those little things he didn’t have the time to do during the year: works left undone in the house, a room empty that still needed furniture and, foremost, for what it would be destined. If he asked Nick, Brian was sure he would have said that he needed to have it as a “home arcade” with a giant plasma television and the latest console. Maybe, even a pool. Brian would have spent hours just listening to Nick rambling about what he should put in the room with those eyes shining like a child in front of the Christmas tree full of gifts. It was quite soothing the sound of his voice full of excitement. He was tempted to follow his advice, just so he had a chance to spend more time with Nick, just the two of them. But he also knew that it was a decision made irrationally, only pushed by his heart. Most of it, Brian knew he was just hanging on a little and tiny rope made of hope, an illusion so blessed, so sweet and tempting though he knew it would be as much painful the moment when he would wake up to find himself all alone while Nick had to return home to his girlfriend. Yes, he would be lonely enveloped only by a blanket of bittersweet memories.

He didn’t want to fall in love with his best friend. Oh no, definitely no! But it happened and Brian didn’t know exactly the moment when his friendship towards Nick had changed in something deeper, bigger than everything he ever felt before with anyone. He got scared by the depth of those emotions. It was wrong to love Nick, that was what his mind had been trying to tell him every time he found himself lost in adoration when the blonde was on stage, smiling all sexy towards their fans.

Loving Nick was wrong because Nick was so much younger than him and in some ways more naïve. Loving Nick was wrong because Nick wouldn’t ever love him back and all that was waiting for him was a broken heart and a strained friendship. Those were the reasons Brian used to silence every objection brought up in defense by his heart and found himself a girl who could filled the splitting emptiness and longing every time he saw Nick with a new girl.

Something that happened every freaking week. Leighanne had been the right choice and Brian had to admit that he had thought, he had believed, that he was ready to forget his crazy feelings for Nick and love the girl who had been by his side during the hardest period of his life. At least, for the first months. An infatuation, it was only a mere crush. Time passed, his relationship with Leighanne grew stronger and serious but his infatuation didn’t diminish. Quite the opposite. How long could a crush last before you called it love?

In a moment of discouragement and with total confusion in his mind, Brian went to his cousin to seek a wise point of view, maybe he would have found out if he was still in love with Nick or if he was just confused. Kevin, not enterly fazed or moved by the sudden request since Brian had accustomed him coming to his room with weird or philosophical questioning, had cleared his mind. Brian remembered every words, they were set in his mind since that day.

“When you do nothing but think about her and every little thing, even the most stupid and idiot, reminded you of her. When you believed that her voice is the most graceful, sweet sound you’ve ever heard and you just want to spend your time listening to her speaking. When you get those butterflies in your stomach the moment you see her, even if she’s far away from you and all that you want is run and take her in your arms, never letting her go. When you just want to keep that smile on her face, that smile that shines more than the sun in your day and brightens up your nights more than every stars or moonlight. When she laughs she takes away clouds full of gloom and sadness and when she cries you want to erase those pearls of tears with kisses and loving touches. When you treasure with fiery jealousy each moment spent in her company, holding on tight to them to not be drown in misery. When you dream and yearn to touch her, even if it is for a second. If you feel all above and more... that’s when you understand if you’re in love or not.”

For Brian... that person that made him feeling like that was Nick.

Although he grasped and accepted the fact that he was over heels and madly in love with Nick, each heartbeats echoed his name, Brian didn’t find the courage to come out in the open. And he paid hard for his indecision, a sharp stab right through his heart and coming from the hand of the girl he was deceiving.

“Hey hobbit!”

The small shovel he was using fell from his hand. He knew that voice, it belonged to the only one who could use that stupid nickname without a fury flaming in his eyes. But that person couldn’t be there in flesh and bones... he should have been somewhere with his girlfriend.

“Fantastic! – he thought – Now I heard voices!”

Only to be sure that he was going crazy, he turned around and he was sure hallucinating since there stood Nick, in his garden, looking absolute perfect in just a plain shirt and jeans.

“Nick?” he asked only for reassurance.

“You thinking I’m a clone?”

“No! – Brian mumbled hoping that Nick could think that the red staining his cheeks was for the sun – What are you doing here?”

Nick shrugged his shoulders, hands safely tucked in the pockets of the jeans and was entertaining himself playing with a pebble with the tip of his shoes. “I was around.” He stated like nothing was wrong.

Brian looked at him frowning. “So you happen to be on the other side of the town? Weren’t you supposed to make up time lost with Amanda?”

“We fought. – Nick answered back so toneless that Brian thought that he was speaking in one of their press conference instead that with his best friend – What are you doing?” Nick finished changing subject suddenly. He didn’t come to Brian to analyze why his relationship, like any others, had fallen like old leaves in autumn. Brian understood that Nick wasn’t ready to speak so he played along. He knew the other guy like the back of his mind and knew that when Nick would be ready he would talked without even had to ask a question.

“What do you think I am doing?” Brian replied, a brow arched: he was crouched down, around him there were tools for gardening, flower’s bulbs and mold. It wasn’t too hard to guess what he was doing.

“Making a trap for an unwanted lover?”

“Idiot! – Brian exclaimed while throwing at him some mold. – As if I have someone.” Added in a muffled voice that didn’t reach Nick’s ears.

“Didn’t know gardening was one of your hobbies.”

“Nick, I was born in Kentucky! I grew up jus singing and working in the fields!”

 “You can still have called a gardener.”

“But... why calling someone when I can do it all by myself?”

“I don’t know. – Nick said, sitting down on the last step of the porch, a few inches away from Brian who had returned to plant flowers – We are world pop star.”

“Nicky, we can sell out album and concert but that doesn’t mean we can’t act as if we were normal people.”

It was time like those that Nick really thought how much wiser Brian was despite his age: sometimes he just thrown those pearl of wisdom like he was debating about football and Nick had to think it over for hours before grasping the real meaning behind those words.

“And a gardener wouldn’t work as I would so what’s the point if I have to redo everything after? Better doing on my own.”

“Do you need a help?”

“Oh, I don’t want our Almighty Rock Star to dirt his precious hands with some hard work.” Joked Brian, smirking at Nick.

“Jerk! -   shouted Nick sticking his tongue – At least, can I know what are you planting?”

“Over there I’ve already planted some herbs: rosemary, basil,  oregano, parsley and sage that might be useful when I’m cooking. - Brian explained pointing to a group of plants that Nick noticed had been placed right under the kitchen large window. - Now I’m working with the roses. I want to plant them all around this side of the house. A bunches of red roses mixed with white ones. And I was thinking about build a gazebo in the middle of the garden and decorate it with pink, red and white roses.”

“Don’t you think you’re using a little bit too much roses? What are you planning to do? Going around with roses hidden in a smocking?”

“Oh, you’re so funny today.” Replied Brian in a sarcastic tone.

Strangely, Nick found himself observing Brian in a way he never done before. He looked at his face entranced while he went into the details he had in mind for his garden and how he wanted to build the gazebo before the break from the tour was over: his smile was lighten up his eyes, making them a lighter shades just like the purest ocean water. Nick had always admired Brian’s eyes and envied that particular shade, a shade that could change as light changed. Further, now, with a little color on his cheek tanks to the sun, they seemed to stand out more, drawing his attention over them.

There, coming out from nowhere, a strange thought started to creep into his mind like asking himself what kind of light could be shown in those eyes if there was a fire, a fire born from the most passionate love, underneath them.  

“Nicky? Are you listening?”

Buried deep in his thoughts, thoughts about Brian in a sexual way, Nick lost everything Brian had said for the past minutes or he didn’t realized that the guy had been trying to capture his attention for a long time.

“Sorry.”

Brian got up and settled down beside Nick. “I guess you don’t want to go back, right?”

“Are you inviting me for dinner?”

“You know that you don’t need formal invite.”

And that was the truth since Brian’s house had its door open not only for just Nick but for the other guys as well. Brian had given them even his code to open the gate and a copy of the keys. He trusted them and they would have no problem getting in if something happened.

“The only thing you have to tell is what you want to eat for dinner.”

“Can you make your famous lasagna?” asked Nick with hopeful eyes. The puppy eyes Brian couldn’t never deny them anything.

“Well, if you help me, I don’t see why not.”

“So, what are you waiting for? Let’s go!” Nick said jumping on his feet and hurrying back in the kitchen.

Brian put in a corner the tools he was still holding in his hands, letting out a breath: the more he tried to stay away from Nick the more he found himself attracted, like a sunflower was attracted to the sun and followed him wherever it turned. What was the point on fighting it back? He would have took whatever he could and let it be enough, even if that meant the death of another piece of his already shattered heart.

So he followed the excited voice of the man he loved while he was fiddle in the kitchen.

“Nick, stay away from the ice – cream! It’s for after dinner!”