Was it too much red wine?

One too many lonely nights?

Nick woke up with a start, although he didn’t know what had made him so frightened in his subconscious so much that he rather be in the real world instead in the arms of a so much deserved sleep.   

Going back to sleep, or at least trying, was out of question so he decided to go down in the kitchen to get some water to drink, maybe he would be lucky and could find some leftover from the lasagna. He had just hopped down the first steps when he heard fainting and soft notes of a melancholic song coming from downstairs. Since when ghosts listened to music? Nick clucked at his own thought. If Brian had listened to him, he would have objected that only him could come up with ghost instead of a simple thief if he heard strange noises. Even if... neither that option was so realistic: when the hell a thief listen to music while he was robbing some house? Mostly, why did they have to chose, among the large collections of Brian’s album, which he was sure reached the 10,000 cd of every music genre possible, a Mariah Carey’s one?

I’m thinkin of you

In my sleepless solitude tonight

If it’s wrong to love you

Then my heart wouldn’t let me be right

‘Cause I’ve drowned in you

And I won’t pull through

Without you by my side

Nick followed that slow melody that led him in the living room. In the half – light, illuminated only by feeble green light of the stereo, he could only make out the lonely figure of Brian, stretched out on the couch and looking out of the window, although it was a black night without the moon to light up the sky.

One of his arm was popped up along the upper side of the couch while the other one held a glass full of red wine. Red wine? Brian? Nick couldn’t believe what his eyes were seeing because Brian only drank wine at dinner and not during night or day, especially not in a moment like that, full of melancholy lovesickness.

Frick, what happened to you?

Baby, can you feel me?

Imaging I’m looking in your eyes

I can see you clearly

Vividly emblazed in my mind

And you’re just too far

Like a distant star

I’m wishing on tonight

He couldn’t sleep at all, how was he supposed to do knowing that Nick was just a door far from him? He had promised himself to just forget whatever feeling he felt for the man now sleeping in one of his guest room but just his solely presence had make everything surfaced once again. What did he have to come to him? Oh, yes, because he was his fucking best friend!

Brian took another sip of the red wine, his face contorted immediately in a disgusted expression since he wasn’t first a wine connoisseur and, second, he was drinking for one ultimate purpose: he just wanted to reach that so yearned oblivion Aj had spoke about one night when Brian asked him about his addiction. No thinking, no doubts, no problems... only a dark and black vortex he was more willing to be swept away until the morning came. Nut it wasn’t enough. No matter how hard he tried, when he closed his eyes there was only one thing he could see: Nick. He could pictured him laying in his bed, hidden inside the comforter, the only thing visible would be his delicious blonde hair all over his eyes and his lips... oh those tasteful lips partially open.

Oh, he would give everything for just one night. He wasn’t demanding too much. What was one night out of eternity? Nothing, no more than ten hours. Was it too much? He wanted only one night. One night to let free his heart, finally free from the chains and reins that held it prisoner. He wanted nothing more than drown in that ocean, let himself dragged by the waves if that meant he could holding on to Nick.

I’d give my all

For your love

Tonight

Nick came closer to Brian but the boy didn’t seem to acknowledge him. So he sat on the same couch, so close to him that he could brush that skin with a fingertip and the first thing he noticed were the stain of tears on Brian’s face, tears that were still flowing down without nothing to stop their run since Brian’s eyes were closed. That scene stopped Nick before he could something, before he could even let a word out of his throat. The hurt reflect on the pale face took away his breath, floundering in a sea of guilty. 

Nick, what friend were you if you didn’t notice how much Brian was hurting? 

Like everyone else, he took for granted the fact that Brian was able to heal his wounds, even the ones made by love. Like everyone else, he believed him when he told everyone that nothing bad happened between him and Leighanne, just that they weren’t made for each other. But Nick wasn’t everyone else. He was supposed to be his best friend, the one who could detect when Brian was faking a smile or when he was truly happy. Nick, among all, should have know that Brian was hiding somewhere to let not worry the others. What kinda of friend he was? 

“Bri? - He scooted over, now only a little spot divided the two guys and he leaned over his head, just a few inches from Brian’s fingers. - Do you still miss her?” Nick asked, that was the first thing it popped up in his mind. He thought that was the problem; he believed that the hurt washing away trapped in those pearls of water was from a broken heart, the end of a relationship lasted four years that never failed even when faced with death. 

Brian didn’t open his eyes. The alcohol inside him had taken control over his mind, cutting it off from any restrain. If he had been sober, he would have immediately erase any trace of weakness. If he had been sober, he would have blamed for his reddened eyes some allergies. But Brian wasn’t sober and was tired, oh, so damn tired of holding himself, his true self, hidden somewhere inside him. His agony was like a cancer that slowly was eating him alive, poisoning every organ he came across in his traveling, and the primal instincts was to find a way to survive it. 

“How can you miss something you never had?” 

Nick was caught off guard by that answer. Because... it wasn’t what he expected to be. 

“O maybe you can miss it... you can miss the chance to savor what you have always dreamed. Can you miss a dream, Nick?”

“What dream are you talking about, Brian? You dream about going back to her?” 

A bitter and full of resentment laughter found its way in Brian’s throat. “Why do I have to want back someone who cheated on me?”

“She cheated on you? That’s the reason why you two broke up?” 

“Damn yes. You left her because she thought you were cheating with me and I left her because she was cheating with you.” 

“Me? She told you that? And you believed her?” 

“No, no, no... no with you. But with a guy who looked so much like you and she knew, she fucking knew how much that would hurt me, more than the cheating itself.” 

“Why?” 

“Why do you want to know it, Nick? So you can leave me like she did? So you’ll be out of my life?” 

“I wouldn’t ever do it, Brian. No matter what, you know that I would never leave you.” 

“I don’t believe anymore in forever. There isn’t nothing set in stone and you can’t promise something you know, deep inside, some day you’re gonna break it. Why are you deceiving me? Why are you so cruel?” 

“Bri... – Nick didn’t know what he could say, he found it hard to follow Brian’s words and... gosh! The pain in that sweet voice was unbearable to hear. – I need to understand. Why am I being cruel to you?” 

“Because... – Brian licked his lips, tasting a mix taste of salty tears and horrible wine. – I can’t have you. Never.” 

“Have me? But, Brian... you already got me! We are Frick and Frack and we’ll be forever.” 

“Only friends. Forever friends. But I don’t want to be your friend, I’m sick and tired to be only your best friend and watch you going in and out with girls that don’t deserve you and don’t treat you like they should. They don’t love you like you deserve to be and... I’m tired of being alone.” 

“Are you saying...?” 

Suddenly, Brian opened his eyes. Nick felt himself hypnotized by the bright blue shining, something was different in the man but, before it could reach his mind, Brian’s lips crashed upon his.

Soft. Brian’s lips where the softest he ever tasted, they held the bitter and salty taste of tears but underneath it an indefinable sweetness was waiting in silence. He wasn’t shocked. Not at all. Even if can’t explain, Nick didn’t find strange the fact that Brian was kissing him. Because... that kiss felt so right. And it was so perfect. Perfect like the way Brian opened himself slightly under his touches and how he was trying to follow him and to pay him back with his own money.

Around them, everything seemed to stop. The music turned in a maze, notes and voice blurred together in a subtle background until they couldn’t be divided. The darkness that only few seconds ago seemed so frightfully threatening now offered them a secure and safe blanket to hide themselves in, a shelter where they could let themselves go with the flow and instincts, a shield that let them can lit up the fire of passion without the risk to be burned. 

In that kiss, Nick understood any words Brian had left unsaid. That simple exchange of caress opened a whole new world for Nick: sensations and images started to take shape one after one and every of that was more powerful that the one before. They tore apart, breathless and gasping for air but still wanting no more than start all over again. The glass Brian had been holding had fell while they were kissing but he didn’t care if it left red stains on the white carpet. Quite the opposite since Brian was so sure that he wouldn’t care about what was going on outside his house, no, better say outside his living room. What mattered the most was happening within those four walls, there on the couch the for the prior hours had simply been Brian’s refuge from the pain. But that had been gone even if Brian didn’t know where he found the courage to make the first step. 

Realization hit him like a brick of stone, making his stomach aching like he had receive a low blown. Alcohol had long ago swept away from him and couldn’t protect him over his mind going overload about what he had done and what outcome there would be after. He had kissed Nick. Without an explanation, he would have open up his heart before doing it and let him know that he didn’t expect anything back from him. 

His words came all together, rushed in before he could even form them in his mind, a continue flow without any logical connection. “God Nick, I’m sorry, I didn’t want... no, I wanted to do it, God only knows for how long I longing to kiss you but not like that, not taking you by surprise... don’t ever think that mine was only a scene made to trap you and then kiss you. It’s... It’s just that I can’t do it anymore. I can’t keep being your friend and I know it’s wrong and you should hate me. You should hate me because I can’t have this feelings for you but I tried! You have to believe me with this, I’ve tried to stop them...” 

Nick didn’t let him finish his rambling. A hand came behind Brian’s head, forcing him closer than he already was to Nick and his lips... Nick’s lips started what they were doing before being interrupted by the lack of oxygen. If a resistance still lingered in Brian... well, that had been swept away like a castle of sand hit by a forceful wave and just like one of those grain, Brian let himself carried away by everything. He wrapped himself tighter on Nick, his legs fastened up around Nick’s waist and new sensations arose and blended with those that already flamed in a burning fire. Hands were running up and down their spine, on their arms, on every inches of skin that still weren’t trembling. 

“Just one night. – Brian murmured, his head placed between Nick’s neck and shoulder during a rare moment of breath. – I’m asking you just one night, it’s the only thing I ever asked you.” 

Nick nodded, acting on the instincts and driven by all the emotions he was feeling. He didn’t what was happening inside him, he couldn’t grasp the reason why he had accepted that question. He just knew that he wanted that night too. The morning would bring light upon those feeling, the light of the sun would made clear why he felt himself attracted to his best friend. He took Brian’s hand and lead him off from the couch. 

“Let’s go. – Nick said in a hushed voice after seeing the indecision written all over Brian’s face – I want  this night to be special.”