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" NICK!!!! Hurry up in there" growled AJ who had been waiting to shower for a half hour now.
" All right I'll be out in a second" Nick called, quickly shuffling the small pocket-knife back in his jeans, hints of his private war still gleaming in uneven lines along his wrist. He always wear long sleeves or sweatshirts to cover up the cuts and he was very good at his brothers not noticing it..yet.
That had always lingered in the back on his mind of the possibility on the other guys finding out on this. What if they shun him, or turn their backs on him. He deeply signed, the wrinkles on his forehead creased with anxiety as he thought over on this. They had been on tour for a couple weeks now. Months of just talking about it and not showing anything really drained their image, breeding crazy rumors and tireless words printed. But Nick was happy about it, although he would rather be at his house, drinking up the silence that fills his void off grief. He forgot on how much he had missed this kind of life.
As Nick opened the bathroom door he was startled to see AJ standing there with nothing but his towel on, glaring so angrily at him.
" Geez dude what took so long?" AJ inquired, shifting his head sideways studying his younger brother. Nick was not amused as he rolled his eyes.
" It's nothing man.." Nick trailed off, deciding to dispute on how he really felt. He didn't like to talk nor to feel about it. In that moment he felt a wispy breeze overtaken him, her name was still whispering on his lips.
" You know Nick, it has been 2 years..you can't have this bottled up inside you anymore.."
" I know but I just can't right now, I'm not ready for it."
" Ok man but if you ever need to talk, I am always here for you" AJ said, flickering his famous smile as Nick lightly giggles in response.
He remembered the familiar sounds of screaming fans, stage-lights blaring their sirens as if to tell them it was time. During the show it was all to great..wonderful..a beautiful reality. Dancing within their music, singing their hearts in all glory and no one knew he thought..not one person. As they were getting ready to sing "shape of my heart" Nick stopped and felt his heart drumming loudly in his chest. As the boys strum toward the front of the stage, Nick held back, a blurry memory now resurfacing and there was nothing he could do to retain it.

*Flashback*
" Happy birthday honey!!" Lauren exclaimed, carrying a thick-layered cake in white, blackened words scrawling Happy Birthday Nick perfectly. His smile was wide as a glittering ocean, he had never been in love like this before.
" wow babe you didn't have to go through all this." Nick said, throwing his arms around her waist, hooking his fingers there. She leaned up and they shared a long and lovely kiss, feeling their bodies pressed together as if they were the only ones in the world. Nick's hand brims her elegant panties, licking his lips when his hunger for her creeps upon him.
" I did it only for you." Lauren said, brushing his reddened cheeks, his smile still plastered. Nick blew out the candles and they carefully sliced the white chocolate cake. Savoring each bite like their only desires to indulge in fine sweetness.
When finished, Nick climbed on Lauren's body, dipping his lips onto hers, sucking in her scent..waiting to devour her.
" Lets go upstairs Lo" Nick quietly said, ribbons his hand over hers and pulling her up.
Once they reached the room, they started to roam across their bodies. Exploring each quilt of flesh, kissing deepens as Nick directs Lauren onto the bed. He started to peel off her clothes, throwing them willingly on the floor, not stopping to take a breath. And as he slide in, desperately thrusting inside her, grabbing her thighs and pushing in deeper and deeper. Lauren escaped a juicy moan, sweat dripping off Nick as his climax was reaching.
" Oh yea baby!" Nick exclaimed as he flushed his orgasm within her as he climax erupted as well. It didn't stop Nick from continue to thrust more, enjoying every part of this..of her. And when they were finished, collasping amongst each other, panting for some control as Nick wrapped his arms around Lauren and gave her a final kiss before slumber sets.
" I love you so much baby." he whispered pulling out and embraced her in his hold so lovingly.
" I love you too honey..forever.." she spoke smiling as they hide beneath an amazing beauty as they both fell asleep in the wild of night.
*End of flashback*








" Nick?" Howie said, looking concerned over at him and waving his hand over his face. He forgot he was on stage as the stadium grew eerily silent....again, he was sipping the joy of it. But Nick just cracked an enormous laugh, pretending it was some weird joke he came up with and continued to sing the rest of the song. The boys just glanced at each other in confusion and of pure worry...this was not the Nick they knew..not at all.
After the show, the boy headed back to the hotel, Nick walking unusually fast when Brian paced up toward him.
"Hey Frack..everything ok man?" he asked. Nick was growing tired of this hurtful ritual and even though he knows they care about him, he could not deal with it any longer.
" Yea...I'm fine." he said but obviously not convincing Brian enough.
" Okay." was all Brian could say as he headed for his room.
When Nick swiped his card and entered the teal room, flopping down on his newly laundered sheets, he grabs his bag and pulls out the photo he always carried around everywhere he goes. Once grazing the smiling faces, her billowing dress, his fancy tie.....the remembrance tears sprouted and he couldn't help himself but entwined in the fury of his own sorrow.
" I miss you so much" he stuttered, fingering over smooth glass, his heart reeling upon that day.....upon passionate vows spoken..first kiss as husband and wife. Nick sprawled on the bed, holding the picture close to him, breathing out loud to no one....wishing he could join her wherever her soul was hiding.
Chapter End Notes:
sorry! I usually write poetry so this is new to me..it will get better and more interesting..i promise!!