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Lily’s Lonely Summer


Lily sat in the grass, staring at the reflection of the clouds in the still pond water, her chin resting on her knee. It was only a week into the summer and she was ready to go back to Hogwarts. Being home was far less exciting than she’d built up in her head when they’d been on the train back to London. She’d pictured long afternoons soaking up the sun beside Severus Snape and having long talks about the teachers and the lessons that they would be facing in their Second Year. She’d pictured Tuney having finally gotten over the terrible fits of jealousy, and getting along and her getting to show Tuney how cool magic could be by using the spells in Teen Witch to do their hair in crazy colors and styles like she’d done all through term with her friends at Hogwarts.

The dream had come crashing down, nearly immediately, when she’d received the notice as she stepped off the train that students weren’t allowed to use magic at home until they’d come of age. Suddenly having the subscription to Teen Witch seemed more sad than exciting. Petunia had most definitely not gotten over her jealousy, either, which was instantly apparent by the news that she’d refused to come along with the Evans to collect Lily from King’s Cross Station. Additionally, Tuney had demanded their rooms be separated and Lily arrived home to find that Petunia had moved out into a smaller room down the hallway and Lily was, once again, alone in a room meant for more than one person.

Top it off, Severus hadn’t exaggerated a bit when he’d said that he wouldn’t be home much. Lily had excitedly trekked out to their spot on the first day back from school, but Severus wasn’t there waiting for her as she’d expected. Nor had he been any of the days since. Lily had taken her bicycle all the way down to Spinner’s End to spy on the Snape house, but the windows were dark and silent and she saw no signs of Severus there. She didn’t have any other friends at home, so Lily had found herself quite alone.

In one week, she had written to Alice Bell no less than three times, read the whole of Hogwarts: A History front to back, and braided friendship bracelets for each of her friends - including one for Remus Lupin, which she wasn’t sure she’d ever give to him. She found herself blushing at even the thought of giving Remus the present, and thought briefly of making one for each of the Gryffindor boys but tying knots in colorful strings gets quite boring after a time and Lily found she just didn’t want to spend her time on that.

The clouds in the reflection reminded her of the mirror and the adventures she’d had with the boys back at the school. It made her miss it even more. She laid back in the grass with a sigh, her ginger hair fanning out about her head, and closed her eyes.

“Lily!”

She opened her eyes and sat up. She’d fallen asleep - though she didn’t recall having slept at all; she only knew she had because the sun was much lower in the sky than it had been before, and the pond water was grey with approaching night. Severus was coming toward her over the crest of the hill, though, his hair even longer and greasier than she recalled. He had his wand strung through the belt loop of his dirty, too-small-at-the-ankle jeans.

“Hey,” he said, sitting down beside her. “I was hoping you’d be here.”

“I’ve been here everyday this week,” she replied.

“Sorry,” he said, “I wasn’t around.”

Lily nodded, “I know. I went ‘round your place.”

“My place? Spinner’s End? Why on earth did you go there?” He made a face.

“Looking for you,” Lily answered, the answer plain.

Severus laughed, “Oh, I haven’t been living there most of the time. My father’s left us. Mother and I have been staying with - with family.” He’d been about to say the Malfoys, but he recalled that not only was it a secret they were staying there, but the Malfoys were also a rather touchy subject between he and Lily. “How’s your summer been?” He asked.

“Lousy,” she answered. “It’s been boring, I haven’t got any friends ‘round here, ‘cept you, and you’ve been off -- wherever,” she sighed.

“I said I’m sorry,” Severus said.

“I didn’t say it’s your fault,” Lily said.

Severus reached down and grabbed a leaf and spun his fingers ‘round it, blew upon it, and it became a little butterfly, just as it had done before - when he’d been showing her magic for the first time. The butterfly flew over and lighted on her knee. She stared at it. “You shouldn’t be doing magic outside of school,” she scolded him gently. She reached out her hand and the little leaf-butterfly stepped onto her fingertip and she studied it a moment before - poof - the charm wore off and it was nothing but a leaf again.

It made her think of Cinderella. Poof - no longer a Princess.

Severus shrugged, “I can do magic whenever I like. The ministry of magic can’t stop me.”

Lily raised an eyebrow. “They can, too.”

Severus chortled, “You’re always following the rules, Lily,” he said. Like that was a bad thing.

Lily pushed the urge to scold him again off. She didn’t want to spend what little time she had with her friend by telling him off. She took a deep breath, “So how is your mum? Are you lot having a nice summer? And where did your father go?”

“Who knows,” Severus shrugged, “Don’t really care, either. He’s gone that’s what matters, and mum’s doing a lot better for it. She’s getting on better with her family now he’s out of the picture and I’m doing so well in school and everything.” He smiled. “Summer’s been alright. Better than being in that old stink hole on Spinner’s End, let me tell you. Mum says she’s going to scourge it clean, but it still smells something rotter. Doubt she’ll even bother with as well as she’s getting on with her family. We can just stay with them.”

Lily looked down at her lap, “So you aren’t staying.”

“No, of course not. We came back to get some of mum’s things that she needed.” Severus looked Lily over. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” Lily answered.

Severus knew she hated it, but he couldn’t help it. There was something bothering her she wasn’t telling him so he took a deep breath and let himself into her mind. She was quiet a moment, then she turned, feeling him invading her thoughts, and pushed her palm into his shoulder. “Stop that,” she snapped, “Stop having a look at my mind. I didn’t invite you in there.”

“You miss your friends,” he said.

“Of course I do,” Lily snapped. “You could’ve known that without poking about my brains.”

Severus was biting his lip, “You consider them your friends now, too, I see.”

Lily shrugged.

Severus sighed and looked down at the grass again, picking a couple strands and starting to braid them together. “You’re angry with me.”

“I miss you, that’s all, and I never get to see you at school because you’re so afraid of what all the Slytherins are going to think and we finally are out for the summer and you’re not around… It’s not fair.” She looked at him, frowning.

“I can’t help that,” Severus said. “I have important things I’ve got to do. I don’t have the time to just be sitting around a pond with you everyday, like I used to.” He stood up, “I’m the man of the house, now Lily, and I’ve got my mum to take care of and responsibilities and other friends.”

“Oh that’s rich. You’ve got other friends, but you’re angry at me for having other friends.” Lily stood up, too. She was slightly taller than Severus now, having hit a growth spurt that he had not yet had.

“I’m not angry at you for having the friends, I’m angry at who they are. They’re awful. Why would you want to be friends with gits like Sirius Black and James Potter?” Severus demanded, “You’ve seen how they treat other people.”

“They don’t treat everyone like that,” she said.

“They treat me like that!” Severus said, “And I’m supposed to be your best mate!”

“You are my best mate - you’ll always be my best mate, Sev.”

Severus was sour, “Well you aren’t acting like my best mate recently.”

“Neither are you,” Lily answered.

They stood there for a moment, each letting that sink in, facing one another. Severus’s face was a funny pale shade and Lily felt guilty for having yelled at him like that. She took a deep breath, and gave in. “Sev, I’m sorry that I haven’t been really good at being your friend. I’m sorry I’m a… a mudblood or whatever it is your friends call me.”

Severus’s face grew quite hot. The derogatory term, coming from her mouth, made him angry and ashamed. His new friends, he realized, were no better toward her than her new friends were toward him. He hated that realization.

He didn’t know what to say, either. He couldn’t very well tell her that she wasn’t a mudblood - she was one, after all.

Lily pursed her lips when he didn’t reply and said, “I’m going home. It’s getting dark out. I don’t suppose I’ll see you again soon?” She asked.

Severus shrugged, “Dunno when I’ll be able to come back. I’ll try for the weekend, alright?”

Lily nodded. “Well. I’m glad your mum’s getting on with family again. I hope you have a good summer and - and make new friends.” She choked on the last words and hurried away across the grass before he could stop her or see her cry.

Severus stood by the pond, staring down at the water until the moon was reflected in it, wondering when everything had gotten so complicated.




When Lily got home she told her parents she wasn’t hungry for dinner and went up to her bedroom. Despite having done nothing but feel sorry for herself for being alone all week, all she wanted to be now was alone. She closed her bedroom door behind her. When she turned around, she gasped in surprise.

Sitting on the windowsill was an owl.

Excited and hopeful it would be a response from Alice or one of the other girls from Hogwarts, she hurried to the window and pushed open the glass. The owl stuck it’s leg out so she could untie the letter and then flew off without waiting for so much as a thank you. Lily left the window open, the fresh evening air cool on her cheeks, and carried the letter back to her bed, looking it over.

She didn’t recognize the handwriting on the front, but it was clearly addressed to her, Lily Evans. She turned it over and saw a fancy black wax seal with a crest of some sort pressed in. She pulled the wax off and opened the envelope and shook out a letter in a messy handwriting.


Evans,
Bet you didn’t expect a letter from me, ‘ey? I didn’t expect to be writing you, either. Hope it makes it to you alright. I don’t know your address but Adolf is usually pretty good at finding people. Anyhow I just thought I’d write you and see how you were. I’m rather bored, you see, I’m not really allowed out of my bedroom here. Well I’m allowed, but I’d rather not go out of it is really what it is. Mother and Father won’t really speak to me, so it’s really weird around here, and my brother, Reg, had made friends with our horrible house elf, Kreacher. He’s mummy and daddy’s precious little son, and a right prat about it, too. Going to be everything I wasn’t, I s’pose. He’s got another year before he comes to Hogwarts, thank Merlin, but I’m sure he’ll go Slytherin when he does! Only thing getting me through these days is knowing I’ll get to try out for Quidditch next year! Though I probably won’t make the team, using a school broom and all. Enough about me. How has your summer been? Write me back if you’d like. My address is Number 12, Grimmauld Place.
Best,
Sirius Black


Lily blinked at the signature at the bottom, quite surprised, as he’d mentioned at the start, to have received a letter from Sirius. “He really must be bored if he’s writing to me,” she murmured. But she was bored, too, so she set herself down at the little desk in the corner of her bedroom, snapping on a lamp, and pulled a piece of stationary out of the drawer, and started to write.

Dear Sirius…