You have stolen my
You have stolen my heart
~Stolen by Dashboard Confessional
Brian pressed his forehead against the cool window of the SUV, his eyes closed. He felt the hum of the car beneath him, calming him steadily. The car was full, yet silent. He could feel AJ twitch next to him, knowing that he was uncomfortable squished between him and one of the bodyguards, Ray. He could hear Howie in the backseat breathing heavily, a few snores escaping him now and then. He was clearly not bothered by Nick and Leslie’s quiet bickering next to him. Their whispers filled the car, though they tried to keep to themselves. They were failing miserably.
It was 3 in the morning, and they had all had a rough night, what with Brian and Leslie fighting, to Nick and Leslie, to Howie drinking just a little too much, and AJ never once leaving the dance floor in the 4 hours they were there. They were all exhausted to say the least.
Brian tried to concentrate on the humming of the engine, attempting to block out the harsh whispers coming from behind him, the whispers that had been unrelenting for the past 20 minutes.
“How many times do I have to say it?” Nick asked quietly. Leslie replied in a dull tone, saying the same thing she had been saying for the past few minutes, “We’re not doing this here.”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Nick babbled, exasperated. “Is that enough? Do you need a few more? I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. How about now? Is that good enough?”
“We’re not doing this here Nick,” she whispered again harshly.
“Then where? I’m tired as hell and you won’t talk to me. You’re being a brat,” he spat. Brian’s ears perked up at those words and he had to stop himself from turning around to say something in her defense.
“I’m not being a brat. I’m trying to be the adult here. There are people all around us Nickolas, they don’t need to hear this.”
“Don’t call me that. You know I don’t like it, and who cares if they hear it, they’ll be hearing about it tomorrow anyway.”
“Oh really, and why is that?”
Nick was quiet for a moment before he spoke up again, “Don’t try and change the subject.”
“I didn’t realize that’s what I was doing,” she said nonchalantly. He heard Nick groan in frustration and Brian suddenly felt bad for him. He had personally been on the receiving end of many angry women in his lifetime and none of them were pleasant experiences. Women were unrelenting and brutal if you pushed them hard enough.
“Baby, for the love of God, I said I was sorry, what more do I have to do?” he pleaded.
“It’s not about saying sorry Nick. It’s about trust. You were practically groping the girl and she was groping you right back, and you sure as hell weren’t trying to push her off. I was gone for only a few minutes and I come back to that. If you would do that with me there, what would you do if I wasn’t?”
Brian’s head clouded with puzzlement. He understood why she was angry, but her justification was hazy. She was talking about trust and what he does when she’s not there, but she fails to take into account that she was the one cheating on him, with Brian no less. He didn’t think that was fair of her, even though he was clearly in the wrong as well.
“It was nothing!” he burst. Howie stirred at the sudden raised voice, but then quickly went back to breathing heavily. Nick continued quietly, obviously having stopped at Howie’s sudden movement, “It was nothing Leslie. I don’t do that shit ever. I don't even look at other girls. I love you for crying out loud.”
He heard Leslie sigh, almost in defeat. They were quiet again until Brian heard the sound of a kiss. Nick spoke up again, “Are we okay or do I have to grovel some more?”
He heard Leslie let out a soft laugh and knew that Nick had given her one of his famous pouting looks. He knew then that she had definitely given in to him, “You promise it won’t happen again?”
“I promise a thousand times over,” he said quickly. Brian couldn’t help but roll his eyes, wishing for the week to finally be over, praying for Thanksgiving to arrive so he could put his mind elsewhere.
The Next Night
“You want anything from the vending machine?” Brian asked, looking at Leighanne as she read a book from the bed. She lowered the book, glancing at him, “No baby, but thank you.”
“You sure?" he pushed. She nodded, smiling at him, "I'm sure, but thanks."
"I’ll be right back,” he announced. She nodded again and went back to reading her book. He glanced at her one more time before he grabbed the room key and a few dollars from his wallet. He walked out into the hall, quietly closing the door behind him.
His muscles were tired from that night’s concert, but he was still wound up. He had attempted watching some TV in the hopes of calming down, but he couldn’t get his mind to stop running. He and Leslie hadn’t spoken since the night before at the club, and their performance together that evening had been awkward at best. Not talking to her was eating away at him, but he didn’t want to push it, afraid of her pulling further away from him.
He walked out into the deserted, quiet hall, making his way towards the elevators. He took a left when he got there, walking down another long hallway until he came upon the opening of the vending machine room. He stopped in the opening, surprised to see Leslie standing in front of the snack machine, her back facing him. He hadn’t expected anyone else to still be up, and he debated if he should turn and walk away. He thought it cruel that she’d be the one standing here out of everybody.
Brian stepped back as she bent down to grab a bag of chips from the dispenser. She wore a white tight tank top and matching boy shorts, which forced him to swallow. He felt desire burn within him and he tore his eyes away, turning to leave.
“You stalking me?” her voice rang out. Brian froze, turning to see her standing there uncomfortably, the bag of chips resting in her hands. She smiled at him lightly and he relaxed a little bit, stepping forward into the room, “Sorry, I didn’t know you’d be here.”
She shook her head, “I couldn’t sleep so I decided that stuffing my face would be the next best option.”
He smiled at her sarcasm, watching as she averted her gaze from him nervously. He took her lack of hostility as a good sign. She stepped foward, "Well, goodnight."
Brian suddenly blurted out, not wanting to miss this rare opportunity of having her alone. He surprised even himself at his forwardness, “I’m sorry Leslie.”
She looked back up at him, stopping in her tracks. He continued, “For hurting you. I didn’t know.”
“How couldn’t you?” she asked quietly. He sighed, staring at her sadly, “I don’t know. I think deep down I did, but I didn’t stop to think about what I was doing. I was trying so hard to show everyone that Leigh and I were normal, and that there’s nothing going on between you and me that I got caught up in that charade. I didn’t mean to hurt you Leslie. I didn’t. You have to know that.”
She eyed him carefully before contributing, “I know."
Brian sighed in relief, smiling at her, "And I'm sorry how I reacted at the club. I shouldn't have grabbed you like that and-"
She shook her head, "No, you were right to do that. I was embarrassing myself and being a typical immature girl. I'm glad you stopped me."
He welcomed her smile and she looked down at the chips in her hands, the crinkling meeting both their ears. She bit her lip, speaking up once more, "I’m sorry too."
She looked at his reaction before continuing, "I acted like a jealous girlfriend when I had no right to. I was being stupid. You’re with Leigh, I get that, and it’s not my place to get angry with you over it.”
He grinned at her, "Should we just both admit we were being stupid and move on from this? Especially with Thanksgiving coming up, I can't go knowing that you're angry with me. I hate it."
She smiled at him lightly but then turned more serious, “Move on where?”
He got closer to her and he felt encouraged by how she didn’t step back. He ran his hands down her bare arms, and he felt her shiver, “To how we were.”
She searched his face, her eyes full of worry, “But should we?”
He shook his head, looking down at her beautiful face, “No, we shouldn’t, but I know that won’t stop us, will it?”
“No,” she whispered. He rested his hands on her hips and moved forward, pressing her up against the wall. She made no move to escape from under him or to push him back. He raised his hand to brush a strand of hair away from her face and she closed her eyes as his fingers gently touched her cheek.
“I missed you darlin’,” he soothed softly. He felt her frame relax at his words and he smiled, happy that he had gotten the reaction he wanted. With that, he leaned in and kissed her.
A Few Days Later
Thanksgiving. Brian loved this time of year, for he knew that Christmas would just be around the corner. Of course, being in South America, Chili to be exact, where it was summer instead of winter was a big change, but he felt the spirit of the Holidays all the same.
The guys had a couple days off and were free to fly back home if they so chose, but instead, they all thought it would be a cool idea to rent a house on the beach and celebrate it together. Both Rachel, AJ’s girlfriend, and Leigh, Howie’s girlfriend, had flown in to join in on the festivities, and even to their delight, Kevin and Kristin decided to come along as well. It was going to be a nonstop party with close friends and a much wanted break from their hectic tour schedule.
They had decided to all dress up and have a non-traditional dinner, that is, dinner without a turkey. To their utter surprise, Chili's supermarkets, if that's what you wanted to call them, didn’t sell turkeys. They hadn’t stopped to think about the cultural differences, but they compromised just the same, deciding on chicken and steaks, and after scouring many stores and markets, they had found enough stuff to make some of the traditional sides.
Now here they all were, together and seemingly happy. It was already 7 o’clock and the moon was out in its full glory, not a cloud in the sky blocking the sparkling stars. The boys were outside huddled around the grill, drinking beer (In AJ’s case, a coke), and watching Kevin as he flipped the steaks and seasoned the chicken. The girls on the other hand were inside, having already set up the table and finished preparing the sides. They were now waiting on Kevin, but they each found their own way of spending their time.
“You can’t be serious,” Kristen raised her eyebrows in surprise. She stared at Leighanne in disbelief at what she had just told her. Leighanne took a sip of her red wine, glaring at Leslie across the room, “I’m dead serious.”
Kristen followed to where Leighanne was glaring, noticing Leslie standing over by the island in the kitchen, chatting up Rachel and Leigh. This was the first time she had met Leslie and she had been blown away at how beautiful and vibrant she was. She had heard from Kevin that Nick had a new girl in his life, but she had been skeptical, knowing that Nick tended to have his meaningless flings before ultimately moving on. She knew when she met Leslie though that she wasn’t just a fling. It was obvious Nick adored her, and she seemed just as attentive, so when Leighanne had told her of the rumors she’d been hearing about Brian and Leslie, she was flat out shocked.
“I don’t see it,” Kristen shook her head. Leighanne looked back at her, “You have to. Just look at her. She thinks she’s some sort of Goddess, with the perfect body and the perfect hair and the perfect face. Who does she think she’s fooling?”
Kristen eyed Leighanne, surprised at the bitterness there, “Brian loves you Leighanne, why would he cheat on you?”
Leighanne sighed, taking another drink of her wine. Kristen continued, “Have you actually caught them doing anything?”
Leigh shook her head, for the first time realizing that her hatred towards Leslie was really only based on faith and hearsay.
“Then what are you going on about? Brian would never do such a thing. And Leslie seems like a very nice girl.”
Leighanne let out a harsh laugh and Kristin sighed, not knowing what to say or do, "Have you talked to him about it? He'd want to know."
"Of course not. I don't want to get in another fight with him."
Kristin thought that maybe if she had Kevin talk to her, she’d change her views. Kevin had informed her a few months ago of Brian’s request to stop planning the wedding, and she had been surprised at first. She knew that Leighanne was probably going through a hard time, feeling both insecure and angry with that sudden development. Kristin believed that it was these feelings that had forced her to lash out at somebody that didn’t deserve it. Kristin didn’t think for a second that what Leighanne said was truth. If it had been anybody else, then maybe, but Brian? No, not possible.
Kristin took Leighanne’s hand and squeezed, “Lets go walk down the beach, get some air.”
Leighanne gave in, knowing that if she didn’t get out of the house she just might end up doing something irrational. Whenever she got enough alcohol in her, it was unpredictable in what she would do.
Leslie watched as Kristin and Leighanne exited onto the back porch. She had caught the way Leighanne had been glaring at her, and it had left her uneasy. She and Leighanne hadn’t said more than three words to each other since she had come back on the tour, and it was beginning to really freak her out.
“Does Nick have any weird habits?” Rachel inquired. Leslie turned to her, snapping out of her thoughts, “Does he what?”
“Weird habits in bed. Like AJ makes this face when he’s going for it,” Rachel then squinted up her face, pursing her lips. Both Leslie and Leigh laughed, and Rachel smiled, “It makes me laugh every time, but he gets mad, so I gotta keep the giggles to a minimum.”
Leslie shook her head, laughing, “No, no weird habits.”
“I find that hard to believe,” Leigh said. “Even Howie’s got one. He doesn’t like to talk.”
“At all?” Leslie asked.
Leigh laughed, “At all.”
“That has to be hard,” Rachel added. Leigh shrugged, “You get used to if after awhile.”
“But how boring!” Rachel exclaimed. Leigh poked Rachel in the arm roughly and Rachel laughed, batting her hand away.
“What are we giggling about?” Nick asked, walking into the room with a plate full of steaks. They all stopped giggling and watched as he set the plate down. He glanced at them, “Apparently it’s top secret.”
“We’re just talking,” Leslie shrugged. Nick came up and slid his arm around her waist, squeezing her gently. He kissed her cheek and grinned at the other two girls, “About how sexy we all are?”
“Actually, about your guys’ weird sex habits,” Rachel pointed, letting out another laugh at Nick’s expression. Nick looked down at Leslie and she stared at him sheepishly. He asked, “What did you say about me?”
She looked at him shocked, “I didn’t say anything!”
Both Leigh and Rachel had broken out into laughter and Nick grinned at Leslie, “Seriously, what did you say?”
“I didn’t say anything, I swear,” she laughed, taking a sip of her wine.
“Well maybe I should tell them yours,” he teased. She nearly choked on the wine, covering her mouth, which only sent Leigh and Rachel into another fit. Leslie swallowed what she had in her mouth and pointed at Nick, “Don’t you dare. Not like I have any anyway.”
He raised his eyebrow, leaning on the island, “No?”
She shook her head, smiling at him, “Nope.”
He then turned to Leigh and Rachel, opening his mouth to speak. Leslie dove at him, her hand muffling his voice as it covered his mouth, knowing full well what he was about to say, “Shut up Carter!”
He laughed as she hit him playfully, not resisting her pushes out of the kitchen. He waved to Rachel and Leigh as Leslie shoved him out, “Bye ladies!”
He grabbed Leslie’s hand when they were free of the kitchen and pulled her to him, laying a big kiss on her lips, “I was only teasing baby. I love you.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” she grumbled, turning to enter the kitchen again. She yelped when his hand collided with her butt, and heard him chuckle as he escaped through the back door before she could do anything back to him.
She shook her head and went back into the kitchen to see Leigh and Rachel smiling goofily at her. Leslie stopped and looked at them strangely, “What?”
“You two are adorable,” Rachel gushed. Leslie rolled her eyes and walked the rest of the way towards them. Leigh laughed, “Seriously, you are. Ya’ll are good together.”
“Well, thank you,” Leslie said, unsure of how else to respond.
“So what was he going to say?” Rachel asked curiously, picking up a couple of black olives from the vegetable tray and popping them into her mouth.
“Nothing,” Leslie said innocently.
“Uh-huh,” she replied. Leslie smiled and welcomed the change of conversation as Leigh spoke up, asking what they were going to do the following day.
Meanwhile, Nick closed the patio door behind him and walked back over to the rest of the guys. AJ turned to him, handing him back his beer, “What are they doing in there?”
Nick took it gratefully, taking a quick swig before responding, “Doing what girls do best. Talking and giggling.”
“They drunk already?” he asked.
“They’re getting there,” Nick laughed. Howie looked concerned, “Maybe we should go tell them to stop. It’s not a good idea before dinner.”
Howie went to set down his beer but Kevin stopped him, “Let them be. They’re fine.”
Howie nodded hesitantly, watching as Kevin plopped the last of the meat onto a plate. Brian grinned, his stomach growling, “Finally, let’s eat already.”
A Few Hours Later
“So I was helping him down the stairs, but Nick being Nick, not wanting to seem less of a man than he really is, told me to let him do it himself, and so I did. He got to the last step and his feet got tangled in each other and WHAM! He hit the ground so hard,” Kevin laughed heavily, his hand holding his stomach. Everyone at the table laughed with him, the alcohol running through their veins having loosened them all up.
Though AJ had not had a drop, he still felt the same happiness and relaxation due to the lighthearted atmosphere. He would have to try not to laugh hysterically, because everyone else’s laughter was just that infectious.
“Howie was there too, you remember?”
Howie nodded, wiping away tears from his face. Kevin continued on with the story, “So Howie and I were laughing up a storm, trying to help Nick up off the ground, but failing because we could barely function ourselves. When he finally gets up, he stumbles a little, sees this girl walk past and lurches at her, trying to use her to steady himself. He’s totally unfazed that he had just done a face plant in the cement…”
Kevin paused to take another drink of his beer, laughing, “He accidently grabs her boobs and she flips out, screaming and slapping him. He’s yelling at her to stop, and she all of a sudden kicks him in the nuts, and WHAM! He’s on the ground again.”
The table was howling with laughter and even Nick joined in, though he was clearly embarrassed, “Man, shut up! It was my 21st birthday. I had a right to be that plastered. And the bitch was crazy.”
Leslie giggled, “How was she crazy? Some random drunk off the street grabs her boobs and she’s supposed to be okay with that? Good for her for defending herself.”
“Baby, please,” he huffed. “If you had this gorgeous man grabbing at you, you’d have to be crazy to hit him away.”
The table erupted again and Leslie rolled her eyes, giggling, pushing Nick slightly as he tried to grab a few kisses from her.
Howie then dove into another story concerning him and a man in a chicken costume singing 'My Girl' at him at 4 in the morning, all because Nick was in a pranking mood. Brian tuned out, using this as an opportunity to excuse himself. He turned to Leighanne, “I’ll be right back.”
“Where you going?” she asked. He got up from his chair, “Bathroom.”
She nodded and turned her attention back to conversation at hand. Brian left the loud room, making his way through the house. Leslie had noticed him leave, and had glanced at Leighanne, happy to not have received another dirty look from her. Ever since dinner had started and ended, she seemed to be in higher spirits, and this calmed Leslie, allowing her to loosen up more than she would be willing to before.
"Shut up Howie, you know you liked it!" Nick exclaimed. Howie grabbed a muffin out of one of the baskets on the table and pelted it at Nick. Nick flew his arms up, blocking his face as he laughed. Howie yelled back, "It was obnoxious! How much did you pay him anyway? He didn't leave until 3 hours later. Do you know how awful it is hearing a guy sing 'My Girl' over and over again for 3 hours straight outside your window? It was like nails on a chalkboard."
Nick cackled evilly, "Only a hundred and fifty."
"Seriously?" Howie asked. Nick nodded and Howie cursed.
Leslie giggled at the two bickering men, but noticed Rachel reaching across the table, snatching up wine bottles. She groaned, lifting up and shaking the few wine bottles strewn about the cluttered table, “Crap.”
Howie was still chattering away animatedly, everyone else still focused on the rest of his story. Leslie glanced at the rest of the wine bottles, noticing that they were empty as well, “We have a few more don’t we?”
Rachel nodded, “I think so.”
Leslie moved to get up, “In the pantry?”
AJ then stopped her, “I’ll go. Don’t worry about it.”
Leslie insisted, “No, it’s okay, I’ll go and get them. I need to stand anyway. Been sitting for too long.”
AJ nodded in hesitation, sitting back down in his chair, “Alright.”
Leslie smiled at him and got up, kissing Nick on the cheek before she left the room. She wasted no time walking towards the kitchen, then through it to the hallway that led to the large living room. She was eager to get back to the table, wanting to hear other stories, fully enjoying her time with the people around her.
She finally stopped at the pantry door and opened it, switching on the light. She had been astounded the first time she had looked in here, noting how huge it was in comparison to the ones she was used to. She walked in, the door snapping shut behind her, immediately searching the shelves on all the walls. Food was everywhere, and she chuckled, remembering how out of hand the guys had been when they went shopping. They had bought enough to feed a small army.
She finally spotted the wine bottles up on the highest shelf and she stood on her tippy toes, reaching for them carefully. She nearly screamed when she felt hands slip around her waist. She fell back, the arms around her tightening. She spun around to come face to face with a grinning Brian.
“What are you doing in here?” she asked, smiling.
“I was coming back from the bathroom and saw you come in here,” he said. “What were you trying to get?”
“The wine,” she responded. He looked up to where she had been reaching and stepped forward, reaching up his hands and grabbing them with ease. He turned to her, “These ones?”
She nodded, “Those would be the ones.”
She went to take them from his hands but he pulled them away. He grinned at her, “What are ya gonna give me?”
Leslie laughed, “I have to pay for the wine?”
“Yep, it’s costly,” he joked. She smiled at him slyly, setting her hands on her hips. She narrowed her eyes, “What do you want?”
He set the wine off on another shelf and approached her, “Well…”
He grabbed her waist and pulled her to him, immediately kissing her. She laughed against his mouth, “Are you crazy? Everyone’s outside.”
He smiled at her, “They won’t notice. Kevin will keep them busy for hours with his stories. Plus, they’re all drunk. It’s perfect.”
He kept giving her light kisses as he walked with her towards the back wall of shelves, pushing her up against them, “Besides, I’ve been dying to kiss you all night. You in this little black dress and your strappy heels… it’s sexy as hell.”
She laughed, letting him give her soft kisses down her neck. She gave in, “We have to make it fast,” and then quickly added, “And quiet.”
He kissed her lips again, smiling, “The fast thing I can’t guarantee and the quiet thing? That’s all you sweetheart.”
“Shut up,” she giggled, his lips enveloping hers. He reached down and picked her up, her legs automatically wrapping around his waist. They stopped talking then, and went to work doing the one thing that they had sinfully done a hundred times before.
Meanwhile, everyone else was busy laughing and listening to different stories that each person had to offer. They were all having a great time, not even noticing that two people were missing from their party. Leighanne hadn’t even noticed that Brian hadn’t come back yet, and Nick was too busy telling a story that he hadn’t noticed Leslie’s long absence either.
AJ on the other hand, free of alcohol and already suspicious of the two of them, had clearly noticed. He glanced down at his watch, noticing the time slip by; 5 minutes, 7 minutes, and then finally 10. AJ was growing antsy, having been pulled out of the lighthearted atmosphere, his mind clouding with dark thoughts.
When a few more minutes passed, AJ leaned in and whispered to Rachel, “I’ll be back in a sec. Gonna see what’s taking her so long.”
She nodded absentmindedly, barely noticing him as he got up to leave the table, so wrapped up in what Nick had to say. He took this as a blessing, and made his way from the dining hall to the kitchen, to finally the pantry. The pantry door was closed and the hallway was dark, completely deserted. He went to turn the knob and opened the door slowly. He was puzzled to see the light off, knowing that Leslie was supposed to be in here finding wine.
He groped the wall, trying to find the light switch. As he did this, he heard noises coming from in front of him, of quickened breathing, of clothes rustling, of quiet voices. When he finally found the switch and flipped it on, he was stunned to see what was before him. He stopped immediately in his tracks, his eyes widening, his mouth falling open. He blinked, wondering if it were a hallucination. He blinked again, and then again, but still the same scene lie before him in all it's horrible glory.
Brian's back faced him and he was holding Leslie up against the back shelves, his head nestled against her neck. Leslie’s legs were wrapped around Brian’s waist, her right arm reaching up, her hand grasping the side of the shelf behind her to help steady herself. He had seen Brian thrust into her right when the light illuminated them. Leslie's head was cocked towards the ceiling, her expression was of pure ecstasy. But when the door slammed behind AJ and the light had jarred them out of their actions, they both stopped, frozen. Leslie stared at AJ wide eyed from over Brian’s shoulder.
AJ stood there in complete disbelief at what he saw before him, completely at a loss of words, gaping at the both of them.
“Oh my God,” he heard Leslie whisper. It took a few moments for Brian to spring into action, but finally he did, gently setting Leslie down. She pushed down her dress frantically, quickly snatching up her underwear from the floor with her shaking hands. Brian had glanced to see who was standing there, his heart racing in his chest as he buttoned up his slacks. When he made eye contact with AJ, he could feel the disappointment, shock, and anger emanating from his friend, and he looked away, ashamed.
Leslie shuffled behind Brian, maneuvering to slip her panties back on, and AJ continued to stare, his face flushed, and his hands clenching. He was rigid, unable to move or to think past what he had just witnessed.
Silence enveloped the three figures, until finally Brian broke it, his voice shaky, careful, “Aje…”
Brian stopped, gulping. He was scared shitless. He couldn’t believe what was happening. He had been a moron to believe that they wouldn’t be caught. Why had he done this? He blamed most of it on the alcohol, his inhibitions and rational completely thrown out the window, but he knew he couldn’t push all blame on that. He had to take responsibility. He was an idiot who couldn’t contain himself, and now one of his best friends stood before him with a look of complete disgust on his face.
AJ finally shook his head in disbelief, talking to himself more than anybody, “I didn’t want to believe it. I kept telling myself that it couldn’t be true.”
Brian felt Leslie grab his arm from behind and squeeze, her way of telling him that she was terrified. He made no move to comfort her, though he would have in a heartbeat, afraid of what AJ would do.
“AJ, please…” Brian croaked. AJ’s eyes flashed with anger and he snapped, “What the fuck are you thinking?”
Both Brian and Leslie flinched. AJ swiftly moved towards Brian, “Are you out of your fucking mind!?”
Brian swallowed hard, saying quietly, “I must be.”
“You have to be!” he exclaimed. He turned and made his way to the pantry door, but stopped, wanting to say more, “You know Bri, I used to look up to you. I saw the man you were and set my standards to how I should be, and I know you're not perfect, but I never, never would have thought you’d sink this low.”
He waited for Brian to respond, but got nothing but a frightened face. Leslie tentatively stepped forward, wringing her hands, “You aren’t going to tell, are you?”
AJ flashed his eyes towards her and she stepped back fearfully. She looked away, his eyes unsteadying her. He said softly, “Why would you do this Leslie?”
The change in tone in his voice forced her to look back to him. He stared at her with sadness and disappointment, “Why?”
She licked her lips, grasping at words that didn’t want to form. She shook her head, unable to respond. He watched her, finally shaking his head, “No, I’m not telling.”
Both Brian and Leslie looked at him in shock. Leslie asked quietly, “Why?”
“Because it’s not my place,” he responded. AJ was still in shock, unable to say what he would have really liked to say. His mind was in overdrive, trying to comprehend that what just happened was real.
“Thank you,” she breathed, tears stinging her eyes.
“Don’t you dare thank me,” he said harshly, jabbing at her with his finger. She flinched and he continued, “Don’t you dare. I’m not doing either of you a fucking favor. I’m not thinking of you, but of them.”
He then jabbed towards the door, referring to everyone outside, “I’m thinking of them and how hurt they would be. I’m thinking of the tour and the fans and the people we employ."
He glared at both of them, spatting, "I’m not even comprehending thinking of you!"
Brian’s fear still overcame him, but now he was fighting back tears, his eyes burning, “Bone…”
“I’m gonna go,” Leslie whispered.
AJ moved out of the way, opening his arms to motion towards the door, “Be my guest.”
She hesitated, but then grabbed the two wine bottles from the shelf, carefully moving past AJ as if he would suddenly lash out at her. Brian watched her go, seeing her sad eyes lock with his before the door closed behind her. AJ turned back to Brian then, swiftly making his way towards him. He grabbed the collar of Brian’s shirt and shoved Brian back. He slammed into the shelves and he winced as pain shot through his back.
AJ raised his fist and Brian made no move to stop him, but stared up into AJ's face in acceptance. AJ stared down at him in anger, his hand raised, ready to be slammed into his face.
“Why?” AJ asked angrily. He raised his voice a bit, “Why!?”
Brian allowed AJ to shake him, welcoming this punishment. AJ yelled, "Why would you do something so stupid!? How selfish are you!?"
AJ's frustration grew, his arm still raised, poised, ready for action. He was waiting for Brian's response, and he was annoyed that he wasn't getting one. He exclaimed, "Why!?"
Brian gulped and finally said softly, “Because I love her.”
AJ hadn’t expected that answer and he blinked, his hand faltering in the air, his grip loosening around his neck. Brian repeated, his voice dry, “I love her AJ.”
Brian was shocked that he had said these words as well, allowing them to sink in. The words had slipped out without a second thought, but he knew what he had said was complete truth. Finally admitting his true feelings empowered him slightly, relief washing over him as he accepted these words. He loved her.
AJ let go of him, shoving him back, his hand dropping from the air. AJ paced, letting out an exasperated laugh, disbelieving this entire situation. Brian watched as he did this, waiting, nervous. AJ finally turned to him, shaking his head, “Then why are you still with Leigh?”
Brian took this opportunity, frantically wanting to explain himself, “Because I didn’t expect for this to happen.”
AJ let out another harsh laugh, but Brian hurried to continue, “I care for Leighanne Bone, I do, but I didn’t know where Leslie and I were going. I was terrified to do something, afraid that I’d end up with nothing in the end, that I’d end up with no one. When Leigh and I started having problems, I felt trapped and alone, and Leslie was there. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. It really wasn’t. It just got so out of control. I’ve tried stopping, but I can’t. I fell for her, but I’m afraid to tell her, and I’m afraid to tell Leigh, and Nick, and the whole world, knowing that there’s going to be major consequences. I didn’t expect us to go this far.”
“How long has it been going on?” AJ asked.
“Almost 3 months,” Brian said, watching AJ carefully. AJ let out a heavy sigh, shaking his head, “Brian, man…”
Brian quickly continued, “I’ve been an idiot, I know. I’ve been selfish, I know. I’ve been everything you can imagine, but I’m happy.”
AJ hadn’t expected that last word, and Brian saw this, “I’m happy, happier than I’ve ever been in my entire life. Leslie, she’s an amazing person Bone, you know that. She’s brought fun and laughter back into my life. She’s brought back passion and excitement.”
Brian searched AJ’s face for some sort of reaction, but AJ only continued to stare. Brian sighed, “I know no matter what I say won't change how disappointed you are, but I can’t say that I regret what I’ve done, cause I’d be lying. I’m not proud of how I’ve handled this AJ, but I didn't know how I could have done it otherwise. I have so much pressure on my shoulders all the damned time, what with the tour and Leigh and my parents, that I went out on a limb and did something I would have never done otherwise.”
AJ sighed, his anger slowly dissipating. They stood in silence for a few moments before AJ asked quietly, “You love her?”
Brian nodded, worried of what AJ's next move would be, though he was surprised at AJ's change in emotion, “Very much.”
AJ sighed again, looking towards the pantry door before turning back to him, “You have to tell Leigh, or end it with Leslie. You can’t go on doing what you’re doing. You can’t have both of them Rok.”
“I know,” Brian said, seeing AJ’s demeanor soften, relief washing over him.
“You’re my brother man and I love you, you know that, but I can’t support you in this. I won’t.”
“I understand,” Brian responded. AJ looked at him sadly, “Nick will kill you if he ever finds out.”
Brian heard the resounding truth in this and he swallowed hard, “I know.”
“So you’ll understand that I won’t hold him back if and when that time comes,” AJ added. Brian nodded slowly and AJ continued, averting his gaze, "We better get back."
Brian followed AJ reluctantly, his nerves still running ragged. When he took his seat next to Leighanne, letting the laughter of the table surround him, she looked over at him, “Where have you been?”
“AJ and I were just talking in the hall,” he responded, smiling lightly. She smiled back, kissing him lightly, accepting his word without a second thought.
Brian looked across the table to Leslie, who was sitting there with a forced smile. It faltered when her eyes met his. She still looked scared and he smiled at her, trying to let her know that it was okay. As much okay as it could be anyway. He caught AJ’s eye then as well and he quickly grabbed the beer in front of him, gulping down as much as he could.
He knew that AJ was angry as hell with him, but he also knew that AJ wouldn’t betray him as much as he may want to, and for that, Brian was grateful. AJ had wanted to beat him down in the pantry, and Brian had wanted him to because then at least he would have felt some sort of punishment for what he’s done, because then at least maybe he’d feel better about what happened.
AJ was right though. He couldn’t have both Leigh and Leslie. He had to choose, but how could he when the woman he wanted was with someone else? How could he when he didn’t know where she stood or what she wanted? And even if she did leave Nick, how could he be with her knowing that his best friend hated him?
No, he couldn’t do it. He had to stay with Leigh. It was the only safe option, the only rational option. Course, if looked at from a different angle, it was totally irrational to stay with someone you weren’t sure you wanted to be with.
Brian glanced at Leslie from across the table, watching her scared and worried smile. He fought the urge to reach out to her, to bring her to him and whisper in her ear that he loved her over and over again. But he wouldn’t. He couldn’t tell her. What if she didn’t feel the same way? But he knew that wasn’t what really held him back. He couldn’t do that to her. He couldn’t put her in a more complicated position than she already was in, knowing that it would hurt her. He couldn't because he loved her.
