Are you gone?
Do you care?
Is anybody home?
Cause something’s lost,
In your eyes.
Are you blind?
You're caught up in the lies
~You’re Not Alone by Nick Lachey
Amy peered through her vanity mirror at her sister across the room who was busily searching through her suitcase. Amy hesitated, not wanting to bother her, knowing she didn’t get much sleep the night before. She had heard her cry off and on throughout the night, but she didn’t attempt to console her. She knew Leslie needed her ‘alone’ time. She needed to work things out with herself.
They had gotten home last night and Leslie had immediately gotten into bed, refusing to talk to their mom and dad. Amy explained to them that she had a stomach ache and they reluctantly went to bed, but not without offering every service imaginable. Amy had to shove them out of the room, knowing that their fawning over her wasn’t helping matters.
Nick had showed up a little while later, knocking quietly at the door. Amy got up and answered, knowing that he was bound to check up on her at some point. He looked through the door concerned, trying to get a look at her figure in the bed. Amy blocked his view, convincing him that she was feeling better. He had given in reluctantly and trudged off to bed.
Then the morning came and Leslie had acted like nothing was wrong. Amy could see through her facade however. She kept quiet though, not wanting to bring up something that Leslie so clearly was trying to forget. It was nearly dinner time now and she had yet to really show any other emotion but happiness. Amy didn't know if she should take this as a good or bad thing.
Amy bit her lip, letting Leslie thrash about a few more moments before turning around, setting down the mascara she was just about to apply. She watched as Leslie frantically yanked things out of her bag, absentmindedly throwing things over her shoulder.
“Lookin’ for something?” Amy teased lightly. Leslie groaned, not once slowing her actions. Amy approached her, putting her hands on her hips, unable to stop a small smile from forming on her lips at her sister’s antics, “What in the world are you looking for?”
Leslie spun on her knees, brandishing a black heel, shaking it angrily, “This!”
Amy raised her eyebrow, “Looks like you found it just fine.”
“Not this one Amy, the other one! How the hell do two shoes get separated?” she exclaimed, dragging out another bag and diving in. Amy watched her for a few more moments until Leslie jumped to her feet, nearly screeching, “Fuck it!”
Amy flinched, “Leslie, calm down.”
Leslie sighed, glancing over at Amy quickly before looking around at the mess she had so easily created, “Sorry.”
“I got a pair you could use,” Amy offered. Leslie’s demeanor softened, “Really?”
“Of course you dork. You need black?” She asked, stepping over piles of clothing to get to her bags. Leslie nodded, the tension she had inside releasing. She plopped down on the end of the bed, taking a quick look at the clock. She sighed inwardly, feeling dread rise within her; only 15 minutes until they all arrived.
Amy slowly came back and reached out, handing the heels over. Leslie took them gratefully, smiling lightly, before slipping them on. Amy looked around at the room and smirked, “So ya gonna clean this before they get here?”
Leslie laughed lightly, “You know me well enough to answer that.”
Amy let out a laugh herself, looking down at the floor, “Take that as a no.”
Leslie stood up and went over to the vanity mirror to check her hair and make up. Amy was about to do this herself before something caught her eye. She stepped over a few obstacles Leslie had thrown about and reached down, picking up a wrapped present. Amy turned it over in her hands, trying to see if it was addressed to anyone. When she saw no name, she looked over at Leslie and asked curiously, “What’s this?”
Leslie rubbed her lips together, making sure the gloss was applied evenly before she looked at her sister in the mirror. When she saw the present in her hands, she shrugged, “It’s nothing.”
“Nothing huh?” Amy said, squeezing its contents to see if she could get an idea of what was inside, “It came out of your bag didn’t it?”
“So?” Leslie said nonchalantly, checking her curls.
“Can I open it?” Amy asked, putting her fingers under the tape to rip open. Leslie suddenly spun around, exclaiming, “No!”
Amy smirked, “So… nothing is it?”
Leslie groaned, walking over to her sister and snatching it from her hands, “It’s just a Christmas present.”
“For whom?” Amy persisted, watching her sister set it down on the bed before going to the mirror to make sure her dress was presentable. She turned, looking back over her shoulder to look at the back of her dress. Amy asked again, “For whom?”
Leslie put her hands on her hips and stared at her sister, “Why do you need to know so bad?”
“Because it’s my nature butthead. I’m just as nosey as you are,” Amy responded. Leslie bit her lip, “Seriously Amy, it’s nothing.”
Amy squinted her eyes at her sister, “What is it? Drugs? You're not in cahoots with the Colombian mafia are you?”
Leslie laughed, sitting down on the bed, but gently falling onto her back, setting her hands on her stomach. Amy went and sat next to her, picking the present up once again. Amy leaned down, pouting at Leslie. Leslie rolled her eyes, sitting back up, laughing, “For goodness sakes Amy! I sometimes think I'm the older one and mom and dad have just lied to us all these years.”
Amy continued to pout, “Come on, what’s in it?”
Leslie sighed, snatching the present from her and staring down at it as she turned it over in her hands. She shrugged lightly, “Just a journal.”
“A journal?” Amy asked, a look of pure disappointment on her face. Leslie looked over at her and scoffed, smacking her arm lightly, “I’m sorry it didn’t reach up to your high standards my queen.”
Amy laughed, “I’m sorry, I was just expecting something different.”
“Like what?”
Amy shrugged, “Something expensive? Something cool?”
Leslie pushed her sister and Amy giggled, “Alright already!”
“It’s for writing songs and stuff,” Leslie explained. Amy raised her eyebrows then, “Writing songs huh? Who would need a journal to write songs in?”
“Lots of people,” Leslie said innocently. Amy eyed her sister carefully, watching as Leslie stared down at the present, her sadness peeking through. Amy spoke up, realization dawning over her. She turned a bit more serious, “I thought you told him you didn’t have a gift for him?”
Leslie looked over at her, not entirely surprised that she had figured out who it was for, “I did.”
“So what’s this then?”
“I got it before we broke up. Didn’t see the point in giving it to him anymore,” Leslie said softly. Amy replied, “Why not? It’s just a journal. He gave you those earrings even though he bought them before ya’ll broke up, so why not give him a gift too?”
“Because it just wouldn’t feel right,” Leslie said a bit more forcefully. Amy frowned and Leslie continued, “It’s stupid anyway.”
“I think he’d like it,” Amy said quietly. Leslie knew Amy’s words were true. He would like it.
Leslie glanced down at the gift once more before setting it off to the side, “Maybe so, but with everything that’s happened…” She paused before she finished, “It just wouldn’t be the right thing to do.”
Amy furrowed her eyebrow, not exactly understanding what she meant by those words. She opened her mouth to speak, but stopped, hearing a knock at the door. Leslie perked up, “Come in!”
Their dad, John, poked his head in, “Guests have arrived.”
They both smiled at him, nodding. He gave them a loving smile before closing the door again. Leslie stood up, “Well, here goes nothing eh?”
Amy looked at her sister doubtfully, “You gonna be okay?”
Leslie shrugged, “I’ll be alright. It’s just a few hours right?”
Amy bit her lip, “Yeah, I guess so.”
Leslie looked down at herself before grabbing the sides of her dress, slightly curtsying. She smiled, “How do I look?”
“Beautiful as always baby sister,” Amy replied with a small smile. Leslie leaned in and kissed her cheek, “So do you love.”
Amy watched as Leslie scampered out of the room and sighed, getting up herself. She glanced down at the present sitting on the bed silently and suddenly felt an idea pop into her head. If Leslie wasn’t going to give it to him, then she would. It was just a silly journal. What harm could it do? Besides, it was unfair for her to not give him something when he had spent a fortune on her.
She smiled to herself, deciding to come and get it later. She turned on her heel and left the room, making her way to join the party downstairs.
She knew Leslie would be angry when she found it missing, but she would have to be grateful. It wasn’t healthy to keep something like that around. She knew Leslie wanted him to have it. I mean, why else would she bring it on the trip? She was just doubting herself. Amy would just help it along, that’s all.
Of course, she wouldn't have done it if she had known what else was inside.
Once Leslie had left the room, she walked down the hall, hearing the voices down below getting louder. Her heart accelerated in her chest, being able to pick out one particular voice through the mass of noise. Brian was happily greeting her parents, thanking them kindly for having them over, and wishing them a Merry Christmas. She approached the top of the stairwell and paused, taking a deep breath.
She had been telling herself all morning that it would be okay. She would be surrounded by a group of people. She wouldn’t even have to get close to Brian if she didn’t want to, and she definitely didn’t want to. She was emotionally and physically exhausted from the night before and she knew she wouldn’t be able to handle anything else. She prayed that he kept his distance, hoping that he realized her need to be away from him.
The fact was, the more she thought about it, the more betrayed she felt. She was hurt, sure, but he had blindsided her. Though they weren’t officially a couple, they had felt like one. When he ‘broke’ up with her, she had taken it hard, but she had no idea it was because he was starting a family with the woman that had been there years before her. She felt cheated in some way. She knew that was ridiculous, but it was the truth. He had made her feel like she was the only one. He had made her feel like Leighanne didn’t matter. He had promised her a life together.
And then there it was; the truth of his decision in all its horrible and disgusting glory. She wished he had told her that night in Argentina because at least it would have been coming straight from his lips. At least she’d be there with him, alone. But she had cruelly found out surrounded by a group of people; a group of people that were ecstatic no less. She nearly fainted at the news, her entire life suddenly feeling like a complete lie.
She had been deceiving Nick, that was pure fact, and she absolutely hated it, but at least she knew her relationship with Brian was real. She knew it was truth. It was something physical, something she could touch. He was her sanity, but last night, all of that had been torn violently away from her. She felt like what they had was all a sham. It was all a lie. He was no longer there anymore and she was left to wade in a pool of regret and loneliness, because that’s where she was at now; she was alone. So utterly alone.
She let out a sigh, pushing all those horrible thoughts aside, trying to think of something happy. She forced on a smile and reached out her hand to grasp the railing. She took a step, but suddenly jumped startled, a hand grabbing hers and pulling her up off the stairs. She looked up surprised, seeing Nick there before her. He smiled at her, before pulling her into her old bedroom, closing the door behind them.
Leslie looked at him oddly, “What are you doing?”
“Merry Christmas babe,” he smiled, turning to her. She found herself smiling back even with all those sad thoughts sifting through her brain. She watched him make his way towards her and allowed him to lean down and kiss her gently. She kissed back before joking, “Merry Christmas to you, too. For the thousandth time today.”
“I feel like we haven’t really had a chance to see each other these past couple of days,” he said, slipping his hands around her waist to rest at the small of her back. She put her arms behind her back, interlocking her fingers with his, “I know, I’m sorry.”
“We’ve been busy,” he said understandingly, walking her towards the bed. He gently pushed her down onto the mattress so that she was sitting. He let her hands go and walked across the room. Leslie watched him curiously, “Whatcha doin’?”
“I have something for you,” he explained, snatching up a piece of paper from the dresser before making his way back over to the bed. He sat down next to her and she looked down at what was in his hands. She turned to him, worry bubbling to the surface, “But we already exchanged gifts. I don’t need anything else.”
He shook his head, “Leslie, courtside season tickets for the Lakers next year is hardly what I call a Christmas present.”
She looked at him weirdly, “What planet are you from? Those tickets cost a fortune.”
He laughed, letting what looked like a card turn over in his fingers, “But it wasn’t sentimental.”
“Oh Nick, I don’t need anything sentimental. I love what you got me,” she said softly. He nodded, “I know you do babe. It’s just... I’ve been wanting to do this for you for awhile. Let me okay?”
Her heart pitter pattered in her chest at his sincere eyes, the love emanating from him piercing her. She nodded, giving into him. She smiled, “Okay.”
He stopped fiddling with the envelope in his hands and gently handed it over, watching her in anticipation. She took it and glanced at him one more time before flipping open the unsealed tab, sliding out a blank white card. She stared down at it in puzzlement and looked over at Nick for guidance. He laughed, “Open it.”
She stared back down at the blank card, slowly flipping over the cover. As she did this, a picture began to slide out and she quickly snatched it before it fell to the floor. She set the card absentmindedly in her lap, her focus entirely on the photo in her hands. She stared down at the picture, not sure what to make of it.
“What-“ she began to ask, puzzlement enveloping her. He smiled lovingly, “She’s yours.”
She looked into his eyes, searching for an answer she wasn’t getting just yet. She turned back to the picture. A Corgi puppy was lying in a plush dog bed, a pink bow tied around its neck. It laid there, its little head peaking out over the side of the bed, its ears perked up, its eyes soft and adorable. Leslie froze, feeling her heart stop for a moment. She suddenly knew what this was and she quickly looked to Nick, “She’s what?”
“She’s yours baby,” he said softly. Tears sprang to her eyes immediately, feeling goosebumps spring up over her skin. She tried to speak, but found her voice stuck in her throat. He could barely hear her words as she responded, “Mine?”
He nodded, “She’s waiting for you in New York. The breeders flew her out there. Melissa’s watching her until the tour starts again.”
Leslie was speechless. She looked back down at the adorable, beautiful puppy before shaking her head in disbelief, “How did you do this?”
“It wasn’t easy. The breeders didn’t want to sell a dog to someone they haven’t met, but with a little time and a little convincing, I got ‘em to do it.”
“Nick,” Leslie breathed out, a couple tears finally slipping free. Nick reached over tenderly to wipe them away, “I love you Leslie. I know you’ve wanted a puppy since you were a little girl. I wanted to make you happy.”
“You do make me happy,” she said, fighting the urge to burst into tears of joy. He smiled at her, “I know, but I wanted to do this for you. See, now you can fawn over something other than me.”
Leslie let out a happy laugh at his little joke, sniffling slightly. She lunged forward then, unable to contain herself any further. She threw her arms around his neck, kissing him hard. He flew back on the bed and she crawled on top of him, kissing him all over his face frantically, “Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!”
He laughed at her happy reaction, her onslaught of kisses catching him off guard at first. She finally stopped and stared down into his face, unable to wipe the grin off her face. He slowly stopped laughing and cupped her face, running his fingertips across her soft skin. She searched his face, love overcoming her at that moment. She leaned down and kissed him softly and he kissed back, slowly sitting back up, but never parting. He gently stroked her cheek as he massaged his lips against hers.
She pulled back after a minute, saying softly, “You’re so good to me.”
“I only do it because I love you,” he replied. She sighed inwardly, her heart melting at the man sitting before her. He was downright amazing. She was so incredibly lucky to have him. She had told herself this a thousand times before, but it finally seemed to sink in. She felt like screaming at the top of her lungs in utter joy, wanting to tell everyone that she had the greatest boyfriend alive.
Not only did she realize this, but right then, at that very moment, she finally began to truly believe that she too might love him. Through all her sadness from these past couple of weeks, she had forgotten that she had someone here to care for her. She had acted like she was completely alone in the world and she was actually so very far from that. She had Nick. She had this wonderful, loving, compassionate, adorable, sweet man. She had this man that was so madly in love with her.
She sighed happily, kissing him lightly once more before saying, “I love you too, Nicky.”
He smiled at her, rubbing her back affectionately, “So whatcha gonna name her?”
Leslie smiled, looking back down at the picture she clutched in her hands. She didn’t even have to think about it. She’s known the name of her future dog since she was five years old, “Maggie.”
“Maggie huh?”
She nodded, smiling over at him. He grinned back, “I like it.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. Very fitting,” he said, kissing her cheek gently. She closed her eyes as his lips touched her skin. Her realization of just how lucky she was rained down on her and she basked in it, “Thank you so much. I wish I had something else to give you.”
He stood up, holding out his hand for her to grab, “Just pay me back in sexual favors later.”
She laughed, slipping her hand into his. He grasped it and pulled her up. She rolled her eyes, “What a way to ruin the mood doofus.”
“I do what I can,” he grinned, kissing her one more time before saying, “Come on, they’re probably wondering where we’re at.”
She longed to stay in this room with him, to get lost in each other’s kisses and each other’s eyes, knowing that once she walked out of that door, she’d be reentering a world she had longed to escape. Nick had provided her shelter for those few minutes alone and she had been truly happy. She didn’t want it to end.
She clung to his hand, secretly wishing that they could both run away. They could slip out the back door and head to the airport, fly to Figi, and just be together. She knew these thoughts were ridiculous, and they quickly dissipated when they descended the stairs.
Her happy high had nearly all but vanished when she saw him. He stood in the living room, his back facing her. Nick called out to everyone in the living room and he slowly turned. His handsome face immediately looked towards her, his blue eyes piercing through to her heart. He smiled and all the strength and courage she had built up for this very moment suddenly, painfully shattered.
