I only know that I belong where you are…
~ Near To You by A Fine Frenzy
Amy’s heart lurched in her chest as she spotted her sister under the Delta Airlines sign. She stood with bags of luggage littered around her feet. Her arms were crossed tightly and she was looking at the cars passing by earnestly, nervously. She was trying to keep her head down as much as possible.
When Leslie had called to ask her if she could pick her up from the airport, Amy had been floored. No one, it seemed, had been able to get a hold of Leslie for weeks. Amy had tried nearly everyday to call her sister, but Leslie never answered, and she never called back. She figured she just needed some time to herself, but that didn’t stop her from worrying. She hated the fact that Leslie was so far away from her. It took every ounce of her energy to not hop on a plane and just show up at her doorstep, but she knew Leslie, and she knew she would reach out at some point. It was just a matter of when.
It was hard not knowing what was going on. She was finding things out from the tabloids, which she knew wasn’t the most reliable source, but what else was she supposed to do? Everyday her worrying became worse. So when Leslie finally did call, the burden was slightly lifted off of her and her parents’ shoulders. Leslie wouldn’t elaborate on anything else, except that she was fine. She only wanted one thing and one thing only.
She just wanted to come home.
Amy cursed the traffic in front of her. She hated the airport. The stupidity of drivers was just another notch on her long list as to why. She was glad to see that Leslie had spotted her, though she was still a few car lengths back. A small smile broke across her face, and she raised her hand slightly to wave. Amy waved back.
After what seemed like ages, she finally pulled up beside her sister, immediately putting the car in park and jumping out the door. She rushed to Leslie, engulfing her in a hug. Leslie nearly fell back from the force of it, and she couldn’t help but let out a laugh, “It’s good to see you too Amy.”
“God, I’m so glad you’re here. I’ve been so worried about you. Mom and Dad too,” the words flew out of Amy’s mouth in a rush. She pulled back to get a good look at her sister and frowned slightly. She looked tired. She looked… heartbroken.
“I’m sorry Ames. It’s just been a really crazy time for me is all,” she apologized quietly.
Amy leaned in and kissed Leslie's cheek, “Well, let’s get you home yeah?”
Leslie nodded, proceeding to help Amy pick up her luggage and throw it in the back of the Land Rover. As soon as they were on the road, Leslie spoke up, “This is a nice car.”
Amy looked over, noticing Leslie glance around the cabin of the car. She leaned forward, pressing some buttons on the dashboard. Amy replied hesitantly, “It’s Michael’s.”
“Ah,” Leslie said knowingly. “Well tell him it’s nice.”
Amy laughed lightly, “I will.”
“How are you two?” Leslie asked sincerely.
Amy didn’t want to boast, especially knowing what her sister had been through, but what was she supposed to do? She asked, and she couldn’t lie. All she could do was say, “Good. We’re doing just fine.”
Leslie nodded, content with her answer. Amy couldn’t help but see the relief flash across her sister’s face. Relief for her discretion? Relief that her and Michael were truly okay? She couldn’t tell, but she thought it was the former.
They drove in silence a few moments before Amy spoke up, “How was your flight?”
Leslie shrugged, not turning her eyes away from the scenery passing by, “It was okay. There was this guy behind me, wouldn’t stop coughing the entire way. I’m probably gonna end up getting the bird flu or something.”
“Well don’t pass it on to me!” Amy joked.
Leslie smiled, turning to her sister. She leaned in, acting as if she wanted to kiss her. Amy laughed, batting her away, “Oh stop it.”
“Germophobe,” Leslie mused.
“Someone’s gotta be,” Amy huffed. Leslie became quiet once more and turned back to the passing cars outside her window. It was unsettling to see how quickly Leslie's playful nature vanished. Amy frowned. It was clear from her demeanor and the fading light in her eyes that Leslie wasn’t the same girl that she once was. It was obvious that she had, was, going through something very trying. She wasn’t as vibrant as she normally was. She wasn’t as energetic. But who could blame her? It was just sad to see her heartache so physically prominent.
“Mom’s cooking fettuccine alfredo,” Amy piped up.
“Oh yeah?” Leslie responded absentmindedly.
“She knows you like it. You think you’ll be hungry?”
“Maybe,” she sighed.
Amy decided not to push anything any further. It was obvious Leslie wasn’t up for much talking, so she figured she might as well leave her alone. She was going to be bombarded by their parents in only a matter of minutes anyway.
They drove the rest of the way in silence. Not awkward silence per say, but silence all the same. Leslie was relishing it. It had been far too long since she had any quiet in her life. She could still hear the faint clicks of cameras, the shouts and jeers, the screaming, the constant ringing of her phone.
It wasn’t until they had pulled up to their childhood house that Leslie said anything at all. As she stepped out of the car, she stared up at the house before her, a sinking feeling settling in her stomach. She turned to Amy, who was busy taking Leslie’s luggage out of the trunk.
“How mad are they?” Leslie asked quietly. Amy looked up at the sound of her voice, and she sighed when she saw the large blue eyes staring at her fearfully.
“They’re not mad,” Amy claimed, as she shoved the trunk closed. Well, not too mad. But the last thing she wanted to do was freak Leslie out.
“You’re lying,” Leslie stated. Amy grumbled slightly. Leslie knew her too well. She just hoped her parents didn't pounce on her too soon. Leslie grabbed one of the roller bags and tentatively began following Amy up the path.
“They’re not mad,” Amy repeated quietly, trying to soothe her. Before the last word could escape her lips however, the front door burst open and their mother came rushing down the steps. Leslie stopped and cringed slightly as Cathy called out, “Oh thank God!”
Leslie was yanked down into a hug that nearly suffocated her, “Oh sweetheart, we’ve been so worried!”
“Cathy, let the girl breathe,” a man’s voice filled the air. Leslie’s ears perked up at the sound of her father. Cathy loosened her grip on Leslie but still did not let go.
“Sorry mom,” Leslie grumbled.
“We thought we’d never hear from you! We were thinking the worst,” Cathy fluttered about.
“Mom, she wasn’t going to disappear,” Amy rolled her eyes slightly.
John gently pulled Cathy away, but immediately bent down and gave Leslie his own hug, “Good to see you home honey.”
“Thanks daddy,” Leslie sighed, a little more relieved with this reaction.
“Let me help you with your bags,” he offered as he took the roller suitcase from her and one of the duffel bags from Amy.
Leslie looked over at her mother, whose large round eyes were filling with tears, “Mom, please don’t.” Leslie put her arm around her and started walking her towards the front door.
“Well what else am I supposed to do? I haven’t heard from you in weeks and now here you are.”
Leslie bit her lip, “I’m here at least right?”
Cathy nodded, and when she opened her mouth to respond, Leslie jumped in, trying to divert some attention to something else, “Amy said you’re making fettuccine alfredo?”
Cathy sighed as they entered the house, “Yes. I know how much you like it.”
John and Amy had gone up the stairs to dump Leslie's luggage in her room. Cathy eyed Leslie, looking at her from head to toe, “You look so thin sweetheart. Have you been eating right?”
“Of course I have,” Leslie lied.
Cathy frowned, “This will do you some good. Come on love.”
Leslie followed her mom into the kitchen, the alfredo immediately hitting her senses. She breathed in, and couldn’t help but smile lightly, “It smells great.”
“Oh good. I hope you’re hungry, I made enough to feed you for a whole week,” Cathy grinned proudly.
“You didn’t have to do this mom,” Leslie said as she glanced over everything. There was a Caesar salad off to the side, garlic bread, and pasta. Leslie’s stomach grumbled. She realized she hadn’t had a real meal in weeks. She just didn’t have the appetite for it anymore.
“But I wanted to,” Cathy dismissed. She stopped fiddling with the garlic bread and looked up at Leslie, her voice soft and concerned, “Did you want to clean up first love?”
Leslie’s heart swelled at the love on her mother’s face. She wondered why she hadn’t come home sooner. She didn’t realize how much she missed being watched over until now. She had been so alone as of late. She felt out of touch.
Leslie’s eyes stung with tears, but she held them back. She nodded, clearing her throat, “I probably should.”
Cathy nodded back, her voice still soft, “Alright honey, take your time. There’s fresh towels on the sink upstairs.”
Leslie stepped around the island and kissed her mother’s cheek, “Thanks mom. Really.”
“Of course dear,” she replied. Leslie smiled once more at her and then left the kitchen. When she got to the top of the stairs, Amy and her father were stepping out of her room.
“Could you go help your mother set up the table Ames?” John asked. Amy nodded and smiled lightly at Leslie as she passed. John approached his daughter and draped his arm around her shoulder, pulling her to his side, “I really am glad you’re home sweetheart.”
Leslie looked up at her father, “I am too Dad. More than you may know.”
He squeezed her once, “See you downstairs in a few?”
“You know it,” Leslie replied.
Once John was out of sight, Leslie slipped into the bathroom, wasting no time. Once the warm water was running over her, she let out a large sigh. She closed her eyes, letting the warmth envelope her.
It really was good to be home. To be around familiarity, to have people around that love you no matter what, to no longer be around judging eyes. To no longer be bothered. She felt safe here. She felt slightly more put together. Her nerves weren’t on edge as much as they have been. In essence, she felt more like herself. She nearly forgot how that was.
She had spent too many days and nights locked in her apartment. She was afraid to go out. She was afraid to do anything. When she had gotten home from the tour, she didn’t think anything would really change. She knew the tabloids were reeling from her exposed relationship with Brian, but she was a nobody. She was merely a backup dancer for a boyband, so who would care about her?
It was an incredible shock the first time the paparazzi had bombarded her. The moment she had stepped off the plane in LA, she was swarmed. How did they know what flight she was on? How did they know she was even coming home in the first place? It was unreal having these people yelling at you while flashing large cameras in your face. It was surreal. She had no idea how to handle it.
How could she be so heartless? Had she always been such a slut? Did Nick really beat up Brian as much as was said? Is Brian really that much better of a lay than Nick? How did it feel to be a homewrecker?
The questions were endless. They were unfiltered and unrelentless. These people didn’t care for her feelings or her heart. These people only cared about the juicy details. These people only cared about the story. If only they knew the true story. But they wouldn’t believe the truth even if they had lived through what she had lived through.
It was embarrassing, it was frustrating, it was invasive. She had already felt so out of control with everything that had transpired with Nick and Brian that she had no idea how to respond to such a stressful situation. She felt incredibly alone for the first time in her life.
The airport was far from the end of it. The paparazzi seemed to find her in the most unexpected of places, but believe it or not, they weren’t the worst of it. They were only the beginning. The fans were an entirely different story.
She knew the fans would be angry. Nick was the popular one, so she expected some backlash, but she didn’t expect the intense cruelty and dedication.
She could remember her first fan encounter the most clearly because it had come so suddenly. It had been a few days since she had come back to LA, but it had also been the first day that she had somehow evaded some sort of camera in her face. She was at the gas station and she had just gotten done filling up her car. She doesn’t know how the girl recognized her so clearly, but that was beside the point. She was walking over to throw her receipt and her gum wrapper in the trash when she suddenly and unexpectedly had a slurpee thrown in her face.
She couldn’t react. She was too shocked. Her mind was trying so hard to comprehend what had just happened, but nothing was making sense. One minute she was extending her hand out to drop the paper in her hand into the trash, when BAM! The cold was instantaneous, and the sweet cherry mixture ran into her mouth. It wasn’t until she realized what was dripping from her hair that she even heard the girl screaming at her.
There were two of them, probably in their early twenties. The girl that had thrown the slurpee was in front of the other one, a look of pure disgust and fury etched over her face. Her friend, bless her soul, was trying, but failing, to pull her friend away.
She doesn’t exactly remember what was yelled at her. The confusion and haziness were hard to get rid of in her weakened state, but she caught the gist of it. The girl was obviously a Nick fan. An enraged Nick fan, nonetheless. She was called a whore, a slut, and a bitch. Several times. The girl was hoping she was happy with what she had done. She hoped her life was ruined, that she never got another job, and that she ended up with nobody.
She remembers the other patrons specifically. It wasn’t so much what the girl was screaming at her that hurt, it was the situation she had put her in. It was humiliating to have this sweet, sticky concoction running off of your body, with a furious boyband fan screaming her head off at you in the middle of the day in public. In all of her life, she had never experienced something as degrading as she did then.
Leslie didn’t say a word to the girl. She finally cleared her head enough to turn away and get in her car. She was only grateful that the girl didn’t physically attack her. From then on, she kept to her apartment as much as possible.
It wasn’t long before her home phone had somehow gotten out and she started receiving hundreds of phone calls a day. She never answered, and she ignored her answering machine. She unplugged her line after two days, not knowing what else to do. She thought it was lucky her cell phone had gone undiscovered. She hoped it would stay that way. Her agent even claimed she was receiving hate mail by the thousands.
How long was this going to last? She couldn’t live this way. She couldn’t have a career when she was constantly being hounded. She knew she wouldn’t be able to be taken seriously. She hadn’t foreseen the situation getting as out of hand as it was. Her whole life was being controlled by this and it was tearing her apart.
Brian had called numerous times, but she could never bring herself to answer the phone. What would she tell him? She knew it would hurt him to hear what had been happening to her. She felt things needed to cool off before she could talk with him, before they could work anything out. Things were too complicated. He was dealing with Nick and the group, he was probably dealing with his own enraged fans, so what was the point in complicating it more by incorporating their drama filled love story?
He never left any messages, and she had mixed feelings about this fact. She was relieved, but she was also disappointed. She wanted to hear his voice. She knew it would comfort her, would allow her to feel something other than the isolation and the heartache. It would remind her that she wasn’t alone and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. But, she knew it would only make things harder. They needed a break, plain and simple. A break to cool off, to think things over, to allow time for everything that they had broken to somehow magically be fixed.
This all seemed good in theory, but there was a major problem: she missed him. Terribly. She missed his eyes and his voice, his calming presence, his soft smile. She missed everything about him. When she closed her eyes, she saw him. He was everywhere, but nowhere at the same time. She could feel him like he was right there next to her, but when she opened her eyes, she always found herself alone.
And on top of everything, she was worried about Nick. With missing Brian, came missing Nick. Was he okay? How was he dealing? How were any of them dealing? As far as she knew, they were still together and they were still touring, but the atmosphere must be less than stellar. She wondered if Nick hated her as much as she thought. She wondered if they could ever get past this. She didn't want to lose him entirely. She wanted his friendship more than anything, but she knew it was wishful thinking. She hated the fact that she missed him. Things would be easier, they would have to be better, if only she didn't miss him.
Each day was getting worse instead of better. The fact that Brian’s calls were diminishing in number didn’t help anything. When it had been nearly three days without hearing from him, she decided it was time to get out. She couldn’t lie in bed for the rest of her life. She couldn’t wallow in self pity, couldn’t sit alone day after day thinking about everything that had happened.
She decided the best place to go would be home. She missed her sister, she missed her parents, she missed the slower paced lifestyle of Colorado. She hoped to get away from the paparazzi, from the hate mail, from her problems. She knew that was probably wishful thinking, but it didn’t hurt to try right? So one phone call later and she was on the first plane out to Denver.
She sighed once more and stepped out of the shower. She rummaged through her suitcases as soon as she got to her room, and quickly got dressed. Before she headed down for dinner, she took a moment to look around her room. She felt a subtle calmness settle over her. It was incredible how much better she felt by being here. It gave her hope.
As she left her room to join her family downstairs, she couldn’t help but put a genuine smile on her face. It was definitely good to be home, no matter the circumstances. But, her smile would soon vanish, and her hope would suddenly fade, for she had a dinner to get through. And she had some questions to answer. Though her family was happy to see her home safely, they hadn’t forgotten all that had come to pass, and they had no plans on letting it go.
