I squinted my eyes against the harsh morning sun that shined brightly through my hospital window. Morning now.

Finally.

Another beautiful spring day in Lexington and I would have to spend it stuck in bed yet again. I longed to be outside, walking through Gratz park as the flowers blossomed and the trees bloomed. I longed to go Jacobson park and take Nick on a paddle boat ride... all of the things I used to do in the spring... all of things you can't do when you're stuck in the hospital.

I glanced around the room, once again taking in the crazy amount of medical equipment. I had at least five bags hanging from my IV pole and a million holes in my arm from where they'd drawn blood the night before. I had tubes running out of me that were draining fluid from my abdomen and tubes running into me that delivered awesome pain killers. It was scary really.

I read the dry erase board on the wall where my nurses wrote important notes to me and to each other.

"Good morning," it read today in bright green ink with a smiley face scrawled beside it. Your nurses today are Katie and Amanda," and this was followed by a few more smiley faces. At least I guess I could conclude that my nurse would be somewhat perky. I'd rather have a perky nurse anyday over a 'nurse ratchet'. I'd had a few of those since being diagnosed with cancer and I didn't care to deal with anymore.

The board also listed my medications and dose times and then stated that I was to be "NPO" until 11:00 am. Ugh. This meant that because of some randomly scheduled procedure or test they weren't gonna allow me to eat until at least 11.

At least.

Ugh.

I sighed as I laid my hand on my growling stomach. Funny, the one thing that could suddenly make me, a girl who hadn't wanted food in days feel like I was starving to death was knowing I couldn't eat even if I wanted to. I glanced over at the clock on the nightstand -- 9:45. Well at least I wouldn't have to wait long.

I heard a small rustle from the corner of the room and realized for the first time that I wasn't alone. I turned my head quickly and my eyes came to focus upon a figure sitting at the table in teh corner. His back was to me as he faced the window, reading the newspaper that was spread out in front of him - most likely the real estate section if I knew him... and I did, as he sipped on a cup of coffee from McDonalds.

I stretched, yawning loudly to try and get his attention and when I did he turned around and smiled.

"Hola Chicka," he whispered as he set the papers down and made his way across the room to the chair beside my bed. He sat down and reached for my hand which I gave him, laughing as he leaned down and gently kissed it with a wink.

"Morning Howie," I laughed again as he leaned in for a hug and kissed me softly on the forehead. "When did you get here?"

"Oh, about midnight... in town that is, I've only been here at the hospital an hour or so." I smiled, it was so sweet of him to come sit with me when they'd gotten into town so late.

"Where are you staying? Not a hotel I hope?"

He shook his head, "No, no. We crashed at Kevin's last night and we're gonna stay at Harold's the rest of our stay. We had to stay at Kevin's first though... see the baby!"

"Oh... yeah. He's beautiful isn't he?" I tried to smile as I turned my head toward the window and blinked back the quickly forming tears. It'd been a few hours since I'd thought about the baby... my baby... but the thought of sweet Mason brought the feelings rushing right back in. I could sense Howie knew something was up though when he quickly changed the subject.

"So how are you feeling though? You look good this morning!" He pushed a strand of hair away from my eyes and smiled a genuine Howie smile at me. The kind of smile you couldn't help but return.

"I'm doing okay," I smiled back, "starving though. Thank God they're not starting chemo again for a few days... at least maybe I'll be able to eat something before all the barfing starts again. I don't think I could deal with all that right now along with everything else." I blinked back the tears that sprang to my eyes again. Every time I thought about everything the pain was overwhelming.

Howie handed me a tissue, a concerned look crossing his face as he took my hand in his again. "What's up Gracie?" He looked me dead in the eye and I found it hard to look away.

"Grace," he whispered with sincerity in his voice you rarely hear, "You know you can talk to me about anything, anytime right?"

I nodded. And I knew he was right. Brian was my big brother, Kevin my cousin, Nick my fiance, and Aj... well he was Aj... but Howie, for whatever reason Howie and I had always had a connection. No matter what or when or where I knew I could talk to Howie about anything in the world and he wouldn't tell a living soul. He had this unique sort of honesty about him that made him one of few people with whom I could share my deepest secrets. I just... I wasn't ready to share this one... not the loss of my child.

Not yet.

"I'm okay Howie," I answered, "Honest. This is just so much to have to go through." He took me in a hug and held me there for a long time.

"Just so I know you know I'm always, always here."

"I know."

"Good."

We sat together for a long time, Howie talking about his solo career and married life, me talking about treatments and the hope of a future marriage. The time slipped by quickly and before I knew it the doctor had come and gone and I was allowed to eat. Howie ran down to the cafeteria and got me the turkey sandwhich and french fries I craved and somehow just sitting there eating and talking made me feel so much better.