As I lay there in my hospital bed that night, trying my best to focus on anything and everything I could that didn't involve the pain that enveloped my entire body, I thought back to the moment when I'd told Leighanne and Kristin about my engagement. I remembered how relieved I'd felt... like finally a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders and I could suddenly just focus on the joy. Focus on it, and it share it with someone else.

Now I just wished someone would come along and remove this new weight. A weight far heavier and far more painful than anything I could have ever imagined.

When the guys returned from their swim they found the three of us girls curled up on the bed together, chatting away happily about nothing at all and everything at once. We were completely ignoring the movie that was playing in the background and were utterly wrapped up in our discussions with one another.

It didn't take long for the fun to end. Kevin was the first to suggest we all retire to our separate rooms. Old fuddy duddy. He was right though, we did have an early flight the next morning, and truth be told, I was happy to oblige to bedtime. I was tired and achy and I had a horrible pain in my abdomen that just wouldn't quit. A pulled muscle? Maybe. Or perhaps just plain old cramps? I didn't know what it was, but the feeling had been hanging around for most of our trip and though I'd managed to ignore it pretty well at first, it was starting to get on my nerves. Of course even the pain couldn't ruin the happiness I was feeling at the moment.

Nick suggested he stay in my room to keep an eye on me - we still weren't sharing a room even though everyone knew we were dating because Brian simply wouldn't have it - and for once everyone had agreed without complaint that this was probably for the best.

Once everyone was finally gone I curled up under the covers, pulling them up to my chin as I waited for Nick to finish brushing his teeth. I couldn't help but giggle when he stepped out of the bathroom and did a sexy little dance as he made his way over to the bed. He'd brought me a glass of water and some tylenol, which he set carefully on the nightstand before climbing over top of me and flopping himself energetically onto his side of the bed. I swallowed the medicine with a gulp of water before snuggling myself into his waiting arms where he gently ran his hands over my arms and down my back.

"So you told them huh?" He asked with a smirk as he leaned down and nibbled on my neck, licking the back of my ear before he pinched me under the arm.

I rolled over quickly and looked at him amazed. "Now how in the hell could you possibly know that!?" I asked in shock.

"Because you dork," he laughed, sitting up as he slid one of his legs between mine, "with as bad as you've felt all day, tonight you can't stop smiling like the cat who ate the canary!"

I took the pillow from beneath my head and swung it at him. He ducked quickly and winked at me, "You missed, now fess up!"

I rolled my eyes and sighed, "Alright, you got me! I told." I finally let it out as I fell back against the pillow in as dramatic a fashion as I could muster. "Now what're you gonna do about it?"

He just sat there, staring at me and grinning almost as goofily as I'm sure I'd been grinning all evening. "Wellllll..." he finally grinned even bigger, "... what'd they say!?"

I laughed and smiled back, "They're thrilled Nick. I'm thrilled. I love you sooo much and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you and be your wife and I think they know that... and so they are thrilled for us."

He continued to beam, a serious expression passing through his eyes as he leaned in and kissed me gently. "Well baby, I love you too... and I am thrilled that I get to spend my life with you, and I can't wait to be your husband."

I smiled and kissed him back.

I fell asleep quickly that night wrapped in his arms, the radio playing songs I don't remember. I felt truly at peace knowing that someone was happy for me. That I was truly happy.

If only I'd known that hours later that happiness would begin being shattered bit by bit into a million tiny pieces... pieces that I alone would have to figure out how to put back together... I may never have allowed myself to sleep.

Sleep certainly wasn't coming easily to me tonight. I had another secret and this one was not a happy one. This one was going to break someone's heart... someone I loved more than life itself. And I didn't even know how to tell him. Especially because he wasn't here for me to even try.

My night nurse came into my room at about 10:00 to check my IV and to administer my pain meds. Before she left she stopped for a moment at my bedside and took my hand. She told me to let her know if I needed anything... "anything at all"... and she would get it for me. I know she was just trying to be helpful, but I hated it. I knew she was well aware what I was going through, I mean, it was right there in my chart for every medical professional who came into my room to see... they all knew.

I wasn't angry at them for knowing, I just hated the way they looked at me. The way they talked to me, with pity. Certainly more pity than they would have given the average patient who wasn't going through all this. Someone who wasn't losing pretty much her entire world. They spoke in yes/no answers, they kept the conversation to a minimum, and I'm sure they thought it was all for my sake. But it's not what I wanted. I wanted someone to talk to... not people who were afraid that talking would upset me.

And when that nurse said that to me... when she said she would get me anything at all... I wanted to ask her if she could really do that, then could she please give me my life back?