The two young men sat silently beside the water's edge, neither had spoken a word in hours, and neither knew exactly the right words to say.

AJ wiggled his toes back and forth, digging his feet down as deep into the sand as he could possibly get them before sprawling himself backwards onto his beach towel where he resumed the act of staring up at the evening sky. He paused every now and again to glance towards his best friend, laying there beside him on his own beach towel, staring up at the same sky full of stars. He wondered what exactly was going on in the young man's mind.

The two of them had spent their days at the beach, every single day for nearly a week, in this exact same spot and though through it all Nick had been eager to discuss their career - the new album and the upcoming tour (both of which the rest of the group were preparing to postone), he refused to talk about anything else at all. He refused to talk about the things he really needed to talk about and AJ knew in his heart that his friend couldn't keep this facade up for long. Either he would eventually have to talk, or he would eventually have a breakdown.

Either way, AJ was determined to be there for him.

Nick took his focus away from the stars for just a minute to stare out across the ocean, watching as the waves rolled up onto the shore and a sailboat passed by in the distance. He wished for a moment that he could be out there on the open water, free from life and decisions and all of the hard shit. Just free.

He couldn't help but think about how much things had changed over the past month. About how he'd gone from being the happiest he'd ever been in his entire life -- at the height of success, with the woman of his dreams and finally jumping in to settling down in an engagement... to this.

And now here he was, sitting by the ocean with AJ after having purposely missed his third scheduled flight to Kentucky to be with the love of his life at the time when she needed him most.

He didn't know why he couldn't do this... but he couldn't. At least, not right now. He'd been there that horrible night in that California hotel when she'd gotten so sick he thought he might actually lose her. He remembered riding in the ambulance with her on the way to the hospital, a 45 minute ride that seemed to last far longer than that. Her fever was dangerously high and her body nearly shut down as the EMT's attempted everything they could to decrease her temperature and her pain. Through it all though, she was tough. She'd managed to squeeze his fingers so tightly he was positive they'd broken, but he hadn't cared. He fell in love with her even more that night then he thought humanly possible. Her strength through her agony had only made his love for her grow tenfold.

He remembered the flight back to Kentucky the following day; Kevin, Brian, Leighanne and Kristin... and him... all trying to do their very best to just get her home to where she needed to be. The doctors in California had given her enough medication to make the flight home and strict instructions to see her gynocologist as soon as she possibly could upon arrival. They had diagnosed her with a ruptured ovarian cyst, a condition that though painful wasn't likely to kill her.

That was hard to believe though and if you'd been there on that plane that day you would know why. Nick shuttered at the thought. It had been hell... and even hell was probably too nice a word for the experience. Grace had spent the majority of the flight home in horrendous pain. When she wasn't sleeping fitfully on Nick's shoulder, whimpering and grinding her teeth even in her sleep, she was awake and in agony. She was flush with fever, her cheeks tear stained and bright red, her eyes bruised from the constant vomitting. Nick and Brian took turns sitting with her because it was nearly too much for one person to take for any great length of time and that says a lot when you're not the one going through it.

It seemed to take an eternity to make it to Lexington that day and once there the much anticipated quiet night at home was bypassed as they headed straight for Central Baptist Hospital where they would remain for hours with no real answers.

In fact, it was several long days of pain and discomfort before the official diagnosis of cancer was ever made, or even suggested. Grace had been sent home on strong pain medications and what should have been a celabratory week together became a week of Grace sleeping 24 hours a day while Nick watched tv in bed beside her and wondered how long this would go on.

He remembered the phonecall as if it had occured yesterday. He was with Brian, AJ, and Howie, in a conference center in Orlando where they were conducting a meeting to settle details for the new album. She'd practically shoved him out the door to go, promising she'd be okay until he came back. Promising her mother would be there for her. He'd excused himself from the room and answered the phone in the hallway. He remembered the agony in her voice... her tears. The fear.

They called off the meeting and he and Brian caught the red eye back to Lexington almost immediately. They drove straight to the hospital from the airport and from there the chaos insued. Within days Nick was overcome with the knowledge of more medical terminology and procedures than he would have ever cared to remember.

It had been, without a doubt, the worst week of his entire life. And yet, he'd stayed with her through it all.

So why not now?

What was stopping him now.