"WAAAAAHHHH!"

I could hear the sound of my son's screams echoing down from the open nursery window as I grabbed the groceries from the trunk of the car and quickly slammed it shut...

"WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

And judging by the volume, the pitch and well, the sheer degree of intensity at which the screeching was reverberating within my eardrums, I could tell that Aj was not having any better luck with our little man that afternoon than I'd had with him the night before. The entire night before. It was one of those nights they tend to leave out of the "what to expect" books because no woman in her right mind would have a child if she knew life with the child was going to be like that. Luckily it was also one of the very few nights of Matthew's life that had been like that.

The ear piercing screams had started at about 11:00 pm, right when I had been tucking into bed with a good movie alone (something I rarely enjoyed anymore), since Aj was away doing some promotion work with Nick. And from there I'd tried cuddling, I'd tried cooing, I'd tried walking and pacing and dancing and swaying. I'd gone for a walk around the block at midnight and a car ride and 1 am. I'd tried singing at least four dozen different songs and I'd rotated him from the swing to the bouncy chair to the sling on my chest. I tried breast feeding and bottle feeding and more rocking and swaying and then somewhere around 2 am I'd seriously thought about losing my mind. From there I'd sang more songs and danced more and cuddled more and finally, sometime around 5 am he fell asleep in his crib and I... I laid down in the middle of the nursery floor and cried silent tears of exhaustion and relief before finally falling asleep myself curled up in the rocking chair.

WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

And now it seemed, we were doomed to repeat the process once again.

I hiked the bag of groceries up onto my hip and as quietly as possible unlocked the door of the house, careful to avoid the shatter of glass I kept expecting to occur at any moment if the dear boy I'd given birth to and loved with all my heart didn't quit his incessent screaming already. Please God.

I tossed my jacket onto the back of the couch and set the groceries on the coffee table before standing at the bottom of the stairs for a few moments pondering if I really even wanted to attempt to deal with what was going on up there in the depths (or in this case the heights) of hell. But then I could hear Aj's voice, soft and calm, but clearly nervous and tired, trying his best to sooth Matthew, "shh, shh little man... it's okay really... shh. Little dude you're going to cry yourself sick, just calm down..." and my heart sank as I felt bad for ever having abandoned them to go to the grocery store in the first place.

The screaming continued as I walked up the stairs and to the nursery door where I carefully peeked inside. Aj was pacing back and forth across the floor, our son cradled against his chest , bouncing and rocking as he walked, trying his best to do anything that might help. But just like the night before, nothing at all seemed to be working.

"You guys okay?" I asked as I opened the door and took in the sight of the destructed nursery. There were books lying all over the floor and the contents of the medical basket were scattered across the changing table. There were stuffed animals and blankets strewn about, and the bouncy chair and swing had somehow magically transmitted themselves from downstairs in the living room to the corner where they'd clearly been tried and since abandoned.

"Does it look like we're okay?" Aj hissed in a way that made me step back a little shocked, "he's been screaming for hours Jessica. Hours. I have no idea what's wrong with him..." he sighed defeated. "I tried to feed him, rock him, burp him, swaddle him. I took his temperature, gave him the gas drops, put him in the swing and the bouncy seat and everywhere else on God's green earth and he still will NOT stop screaming. It's like he hates me... you take him." And with that he handed me our son with a frustrated shrug before turning to walk out of the room.

If I'd been shocked before it was nothing compared to what I felt like then. Aj was frustrated, I knew this... but I was frustrated too. Hell this was frustrating for both of us. No one ever said parenting would be EASY! I took a deep breath and walked over to the radio on the bedside table and turned it on, flipping the button on the lullabye cd in hopes that maybe, just maybe this time Matthew would give us some peace. I swaddled him snuggly as I could into his blanket, kissed him gently on the forehead and finally laid him, still screaming, into his crib. I could feel my heart breaking into a million pieces as I turned away from the crib and his cries... but I knew I had to do it. I took one last deep breath as I flipped off the light and walked out of the room, closing the door firmly behind me, convincing myself that perhaps all my baby needed was to be left alone.

"Aje..." I sighed as I walked back down the stairs and into the living room where he was sitting on the couch with his head in his hands, "he does not hate you... he just doesn't know what he wants right now. And unfortunately neither do we, but we can't get frustrated everytime he does or we're soooo going to be screwed by the time he's two."

"I know." He shook his head and laughed a little as I sat down on the couch beside him where I leaned back to stare up at the ceiling. He turned to me and grabbed my hand in his. I could see the tears glistening in his eyes, "it's just... I want to be able to comfort my own son. It just sucks to feel so friggin' helpless."

I leaned my head against his shoulder and smiled when he kissed the part of my hair and rested his cheek on my forehead, "if it makes you feel any better though... he did that to me all night last night while you were gone."

He looked at me shocked and shook his head, taking me in his arms, "why didn't you call me? I would have come home."

"I guess I just felt like I should be able to get through it alone... like I should be able to at least figure out what my own baby needs. I know the feeling too Aj, trust me... I know. But sometimes babies get pissed off at the world and apparently there's absolutely nothing you can do to make them, or even help them get over it. Trust me... I read all the baby books at three am last night... and there were no hints in there at all."

He laughed and kissed my head once more. Both of us looked over at the baby monitor for the first time since we'd sat down. Except for the sound of the lullabyes and the steady breathing noise of our now slightly congested baby... all was quiet.

"Looks like we figured it out after all," I whispered kissing him on the cheek as I stood and grabbed the bag of groceries off the table.

"Oh Lord," Aj groaned glancing at the bag and then staring down at his watch. I completely forgot about the guys coming over tonight. They'll be here in a few hours and we haven't even started getting dinner ready!

"No worries," I said as I pulled him off the couch and we sauntered toward the kitchen together, "you'd be surprised what you can do at 4:00 in the morning with a baby strapped to your chest."