DING DONG...
DIIIIING DONG
The only thing I saw through my blurry eyes from my cozy spot on the couch was the vision of my husband flying across the room and flinging the front door open.
"SHHH!" he hissed at who I'm sure was a now a way more petrified guest than when he'd first decided to knock on our door. "Sorry dude," I heard him say as he pulled Nick into the house and shut the door quietly behind him, "Matthew's asleep upstairs and you would not believe the tricks we had to peform to get him there."
I rolled my eyes. The tricks we had to perform eh? We'd just see whose ass would be getting up with him in the middle of the night tonight! I sat up on the couch and stretched my arms over my head, definitely not feeling like I'd gotten enough of a nap in. I probably could've just called it a day and gone to bed... but not on Backstreet Thanksgiving night.
Nick laughed at my pitiful attempt to pull myself up off the couch and walked over to give me a hand. "Sorry guys," he whispered quietly, "I tend to forget about that whole, 'don't ring the doorbell when there's a baby in the house' rule."
I hugged Nick tightly and laughed, "It's okay... if he wakes up we'll just send you up there to put him back to sleep since you seem to be the baby guru anyway." He smiled as we ended our hug and he sank back into the couch, "I am pretty good at that."
Aj laughed and ruffled his younger brother's hair as he plopped down on the couch I'd just deserted and both of them kicked their feet up on the coffee table like teenagers.
"So how are you doing?," I heard Aj ask as I set off for the kitchen to get some drinks, "I mean... how you feeling?" I poured the Cokes quickly anxious to hear Nick's answer.
It was no big secret to all the guys that Nick's health had become a very real issue (a really scary issue) over the past few months and though each of the guys in turn was busy with his own life during their down time -- Aj and Howie with pregnant wives and now new babies and Brian with his solo career and family -- they were still the kind of family who looked after each other during every season. And so it was also no big secret that they had been incredibly worried about their baby brother.
"It's going pretty well man," he replied, "My doctor put me on this new diet and set me up with a really great personal trainer... so I feel good... really good."
"That's awesome man."
"I just hope I'm up and ready to go by the time we're supposed to start up on tour again." He stared down at his hands as he said it, as if he himself were still very unsure of whether or not he really would be.
"I'm sure you will be chaos... you've always managed to bounce back. But honestly dude, if you need anything at all, just let me know. We're totally here for you." I watched from my spot at the kitchen door where I was now standing holding the two cokes I'd poured as AJ placed his hand gently on Nick's shoulder and Nick nodded his head in acknowledgement.
And that was that. Knowing the two of them, nothing more would be said about the matter unless Nick ever really did need help. They were by far two of the most private individuals I'd ever met in my life and they generally went through their struggles both external and internal by themselves. I stepped into the room just as Aj was grabbing the WII controllers off the tv, and set the drinks on the coffee table in front of the guys.
"Wanna play?" Nick asked as he stood and took the second controller from AJ, waiting as he flipped on the games. "We can have a huge Mariocart competition... or just play tennis if you're not very good at that." He winked and I rolled my eyes as I sunk into a seat on the couch.
"No thanks," I mumbled as I leaned back and closed my eyes, "I'll just sit here and watch."
It was about thirty minutes and 50 matches of some sort of sporty game - I'm not sure which because my eyes remained glued shut the entire time... I could only feel the air whizzing by my face as Nick and Aj ran around the living room (they were being as quiet as possible because Matthew was still sleeping) - before the doorbell rang.
"I bet that's D!" Aj shouted as he launched himself from his midair Wii move into clean-up mode, returning the controllers into their spots by the tv and rearranging the coffee table back into the center of the room as I shuffled to the front door.
"Hey!" I smiled as the door opened to reveal Howie, Leigh and an infant seat standing on the front porch in the newly falling rain, "get in here quick before you all get soaked!" I stood back as they ducked in around me and walked over to set the carseat and the diaper bag down on the coffee table. Aj and Nick hurried over quickly to help with the wet jackets and the huge casserole Leigh was holding, and of course, to give hugs.
"Man D," Aj laughed as he poked Howie in the stomach after hugging him tightly and turned to hug Leigh, "your wife sure has done a better job of losing all that baby weight than YOU have, damn you look gorgeous Leigh!"
The ever thin Howie laughed and rolled his eyes at AJ, turning to give Nick a quick hug.
"Let's see that baby," Nick practically jumped up and down as Howie lifted the blanket off the carseat and lowered the hood.
And there beneath all of the covers was the tiniest, most gorgeous little baby girl I'd ever seen. Leigh and Howie laughed at the audible "awws" that each of us let out in turn, but no really... this kid was beautiful. She was the perfect mixture of her daddy and mommy, with Howies nose and Leigh's olive complexion. She had long dark eyelashes and jet black hair that jutted out of her baby hat and curled into a perfect ringlet on her little forehead. She let out a tiny squawk of displeasure as Howie unbuckled her carseat straps and Leigh lifted her onto her chest where she curled up and fell peacefully back to sleep.
My uterus did a tiny flip flop. Even after the rough night I'd had with Matthew, it was amazing to see this tiny, nearly brand new little person. It made me want to have another. It made me want my own little girl that I could dress all in pink and put ribbons in her hair.
"Don't get any ideas," Aj whispered in my ear as if he could read my thoughts.
"Where's the little man?" Howie asked looking around the room and as if summoned by the gods the sounds of my baby's screams filled the air through the baby monitor and everyone laughed.
"I'll be back in a few," I said giving Luciana a gentle kiss on the head as I walked towards the stairs. I emerged about 10 minutes later carrying a wide awake baby Matthew, complete with fresh diaper and thank God, a brand new happy attitude, to find Leigh abandoned on the living room sofa nursing a clearly very hungry baby.
"Where'd all the guys go?" I asked looking around as if one of them was going to pop out of nowhere at any moment.
"Oh, they're in the kitchen supposedly getting the food ready," she whispered, "but if you ask me... really they were just running away from this," and she pointed down towards where Luciana was eating contentedly.
I laughed, "it's funny how those are like the best things in the world to grown men until they're forced to see first hand what they're really meant to do... and then... then pull one out and they run out of the room faster than you can blink."
It was her turn to laugh as I sat down beside her and jostled Matthew up and down on my lap. She looked down at her daughter and then over at my son, "first of all, oh my god he has grown! He's adorable!," she said as she reached out and stroked his soft fuzzy head, "he looks just like Aj!" I nodded, because yes, he totally did. Our son was now the spitting image of his father. Every little thing about him, from his big beautiful eyes, to the shape of his head and even his nose... in the past month or so any dream I'd had that he might look anything like me had been tossed out the window. "And secondly... oh my hell, do they REALLY grow up that fast?"
I couldn't help but laugh again, even though inside I knew exactly how she felt. I looked down at baby Luci who was so tiny that she fit just perfectly in Leigh's arms and I then to my son who was sitting up in my lap, overflowing the space that he once fit so neatly inside and I could hardly remember him ever being so little... even though I knew that it hadn't been that long ago that he was. "They really do," I whispered... "but it's the growing part that's the most fun."
And it was. Matthew was no longer that little lump who laid around and did nothing. Now he smiled and laughed and coo'd and giggled. He laid in his cribs in the early mornings and talked to the mobile that hung from the ceiling. He was this amazing growing little dude and even though I missed that squishy little blob of tiny babyness... I didn't miss it enough to not dream about all the things he had yet to learn to do.
She sighed and smiled as the guys walked back into the room, Aj and Howie carrying trays of sandwhices and veggies, Nick with his hands plastered firmly over his eyes, "Are you done yet?"
"Yes she is," I said, standing up and handing Matthew to AJ, "and for the love of pete would the three of you stop acting like you have never seen a breast before!"
"Who says I have?" Nick gasped as he removed his hands from his face... "Not either of yours anyway!"
"And you'd better damn well keep it that way!" Aj and Howie said in unison and we all laughed.
"Anyone talked to Rok in the past few days?" Howie asked after we'd all settled in with our sandwhiches, Luci sleeping peacefully in Matthew's baby swing, Matthew cooing happily on his playmat on the floor.
"I talked to Jackie yesterday," Nick replied setting his sandwhich down on his plate, "she and Brian's dad are staying in Georgia to help out with things. She said that if all went well Baylee was supposed to be released today or tomorrow."
The sigh of relief that filled the room was evident. For the last two weeks our minds had been filled with thoughts and worries about little Baylee and the mystery illness that had landed him in the hospital. As a nurse my heart went out to Brian and Leighanne, knowing that what they were going through... the not knowing, must have been killing them. But thankfully they'd finally been able to diagnosis him with a relatively common, though still very scary disease that was treatable and now we were just holding our breaths waiting to hear that he'd be able to fully recover and go home.
"Why don't I call him right now?" Aj asked pulling out his phone and beginning to dial. "I mean the worst that could happen would be they're still in the hospital and he can't answer... I'm sure talking to us would be a welcome reprieve from having to listen to nurses and doctors..."
"or Leighanne," Nick muttered quietly to Howie, who chuckled softly as we waited with baited breath for Brian to answer.
"Hey Bri man, It's Jay -- how are you guys?" Aj asked, sticking his finger in his right ear as he listened to the phone with his left and we all continued holding our breaths.
"That's awesome man..." he smiled as he lifted the phone from his mouth and whispered "They're home now." We were finally able to let out our breaths. And these were the breaths we'd been holding far longer than the course of the 60 seconds Aj had been on the phone.
"Okay, I'll let them know," he continued, nodding as he wiped a small tear from his cheek. It's amazing how being a parent can make you feel. How you can hurt when other parents hurt and at the same time feel such tremendous relief when everything turns out okay. "We love you guys... give hugs and kisses to little B. for us, alright? Later man!"
He put the phone down and turned to where we were all watching him. He wiped away a few more tears as I reached out and grabbed his hand. "He's going to be okay," he finally spoke, practically choking on the words, "he has to keep calm and rest for a few weeks, but he's gonna be okay."
"Thank God," Howie whispered.
"Definitely," Nick said... "Thank God."
The rest of the evening passed by in a blur as I found all evenings did these days. We ate and drank and enjoyed each others company until sometime around 10:00 when Leigh and I retired to the guestroom to feed the babies while the three guys played yet another round of Wii golf.
We sat on the bed beside each other, my son and her daughter laying there between us, the differences between the two of them were striking. Luci was tiny and laid there sound asleep with her tiny fists clenched and her body pulled together in the fetal position while Matthew laid sprawled out, his big round brown eyes constantly darting around the room, sucking wildly on his pacifier.
We talked about Christmas, about the album the boys were set to start recording soon. We discussed the fact that in just 3 months we'd be taking off on a tour across the world and how crazy we were sure it was going to be with three children. We talked about how relieved we were that Baylee was okay and how terrifying the how ordeal must have been for Brian and Leighanne. We talked about Matt and Luci and how much our lives had changed since they'd been born... in wonderful and spectacular ways we couldn't even begin to put into words.
And then finally, at some point, we both fell asleep with our babies on our chests, the hushed sounds of our husbands laughter filling the room through the closed door.
Truly blessed. Truly lucky. Truly thankful.
