Wish I could tell her, you’re one in a million

“I can’t believe we’re doing this,” I said.

“What?”

“Grocery shopping,” I responded, after giving him an incredulous look for not knowing what I meant.

He shrugged. “You needed groceries.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t have to come.”

“I watched you walking home with a million bags of food once. It was rather pathetic.”

“Hey!” I said, throwing a bag of chips at him.

He put them into the cart as I checked chips off of my list. I had to admit, it was nice being able to get everything I needed instead of everything I could carry.

“A car is coming soon.” I mostly just needed to keep telling myself that. “But you still don’t have to come. I could borrow the Porsche!”

AJ laughed. Then laughed again, louder. “I don’t like you that much. And just barely enough to run these errands with you,” he teased.

“Eh, worth a shot.”

“So are you done trying to get rid of me for the day?”

“I just figured you’d be bored out of your mind. You probably have… people who do this kind of thing for you.”

“People?” he quoted me with a laugh. “Nope, my last slave quit last week. I haven’t had the time to hire anymore yet.”

Yeah, I guess that had sounded kind of stupid. It was just so weird to see him doing something as normal as push a grocery cart.

And… not at the same time. This felt oddly intimate, though. More so than any of the dates we’d gone on. People dated at the time. This was more like something couples did. Or spouses, for that matter.

Something August and Brian probably did together. And they were soul mates if I’d ever them.

“Oh,” AJ said, suddenly remembering something. “Um… Kevin’s coming to town.”

“Really? When?”

“He doesn’t know exactly. He’s still working it out, but soon.”

“Are… is everyone going to see him while he’s here?”

AJ shrugged. “I’ve been wondering that, too. Howie will, of course. And… well Brian and Nick will, too, even if it takes them awhile to decide. It’s just going to be tense.”

“Maybe not. Maybe it’ll end up being just like old times.”

“I can’t believe it’s been a year since he quit. Doesn’t seem like it.” He shook his head.

I looked at what was left on my list: milk, eggs, and bread. We headed to the dairy section of the store

“You’ll have to meet Kevin, too,” AJ decided.

“Me? He has no idea who I am…”

“Sure, he does. I’ve told him about you.”

I guess I shouldn’t have been that surprised. He’d told the rest of the guys and their significant others about me, too. But I was still curious. “What’d you say?”

“That you set cars on fire and suck at bowling. You know, the usual,” he smirked.

I rolled my eyes. I did want to meet Kevin though. AJ had such respect for him.

“And don’t pretend you don’t tell everyone about me…”

“Well, not really.”

“Wow. You never waste any time crushing my ego, do you?” He laughed, but I wondered if there was a hidden layer of hurt.

“No, I just…” How pathetic was I going to sound? I wondered if I should just make something up on the spot. No, I decided. It felt nice to have someone to confide in for a change. “I don’t really have anyone to tell. Not people who don’t already know you, anyways.”

He glanced at me, trying to read my expression and apparently realizing that we were breaching a slightly touchy subject matter. “You don’t keep up with any of your old friends?”

“Nope. I pretty much lost touch with everyone when I moved here.”

“Maine is far away,” he reasoned. “But what about your family?”

I just shook my head, unable to find a voice.

His eyes went wide. “I don’t know what I’d do without my mom. We’ve always been really close.”

I could feel my eyes watering, and I immediately scolded myself. I looked down to choose an egg carton and hoped he wouldn’t notice. “I think that’s it,” I said, changing the subject as casually as I could.

We headed to the front of the store and got in line.

“Only two autographs. You’re losing your touch,” I joked, putting a smile on my face that wasn’t totally fake. We’d been spotted by two girls on our way inside the store tonight.

“Not as young as I used to be,” AJ wiped away a fake tear.

I felt surprisingly better. It wasn’t easy to talk about my old life, but I’d mentioned it and, after the initial wave of pain, I’d felt better. What was done was done; I didn’t spend more time than I had to dwelling on it. Mostly, I felt like a bit of weight had been lifted. That I could tell him things I couldn’t tell anyone else.

Walking out to the car, I noticed how late it was getting. I looked up but there were too many lights to see anything in the sky.

“That’s one thing I miss about Maine,” I sighed, suddenly wondering why I’d shut out the good with the bad. Maybe I’d thought they had to go hand in hand.

“What’s that?”

“Being able to look up and see the stars. I mean, you can see a handful here, but there are so many more up there. I can’t remember the last time I saw a shooting star. We used to go to this field a few miles out of town, with a huge blanket. We’d just lay there for hours. It sounds really boring, but..”

“No, that sounds cool,” AJ said.

“You could see the northern lights sometimes, too… anyway,” I grabbed another bag, realizing that I was rambling.

He was just staring at me, smiling. I couldn’t tell what was on his mind.

“What?”

After another second, he simply shrugged and helped me with the rest of the groceries.

“Here, I’ll take that for you,” AJ said, grabbing the cart and heading towards the drop-off spot in the parking lot.

I watched him walk away with the cart, surprised by the nice gesture. I smiled to myself.

I felt my cell phone vibrating in my pocket and recognized the ringtone to mean I was receiving a text. I was still staring after AJ when I flipped the phone open to view the screen.

Think a number change would stop me from finding you?

I felt like someone had punched me in the chest. This was worse than last time; my lungs couldn’t get any air. My head was swirling as I tried to breath. I dropped the phone, not registering the sound as it hit the pavement.

A second later, I knew I was going to hit the ground, too. I couldn’t make my brain tell my legs to stop wobbling. My knees collapsed, and the pavement started rushing towards me.

I faintly became aware of the arms suddenly around my waist, holding me up. I leaned against him.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out, I instructed myself.

AJ looked panic-stricken. “Michelle? Michelle, are you okay?”

A few more seconds passed. I nodded.

“Are you sure? Here,” he guided me to the car and eased me into the passenger’s seat. “What happened?”

I didn’t know what to say.

“Do you want me to call the doctor?”

“No, no, I’m fine,” I assured him. “Just a little light-headed. I guess I... haven’t eaten anything today.”

He quickly rummaged through the backseat, looking for something I could munch on.

This was too much to confide in him. Babysteps were all well and good, but… no, I didn’t know how to tell him about this. What would I say?

I shivered. As much as I tried to convince myself otherwise, another text like this couldn’t be a coincidence.

Peter was back.

~*~AJ’s point of view~*~

“Sounds kind of like she had a panic attack or something,” August said, looking extremely worried.

I shrugged. I really had no idea. She’d kept assuring me that she was fine. That she just hadn’t eaten. I knew something was off, though. Her smile seemed… broken.

I’d felt so helpless. I didn’t know what was wrong, so I couldn’t fix it. The whole thing really sucked.

“I dropped her off, and I carried some of the bags to her door. Didn’t even let me inside, though, and then she told me goodbye. She ignored my questions.”

“I’m sure she’ll tell you when she’s ready,” August said.

I chugged some soda and stared off into their backyard. The sky was dark, and although there were a few stars visible, Michelle had me wondering how many I couldn’t see.

“I just wish I could get the image out of my mind…” I was still a little shaken. To turn around and see the look of terror on her face. Then, she started to collapse. Luckily I’d been there to catch her right in time.

“Why doesn’t she trust me?” I asked, talking mostly to myself. It was frustrating though. “I don’t keep anything from her.”

“Well, you’ve kind of had to lead an open life as a Backstreet Boy,” August reasoned. “You can only keep things from the fans and the media for so long, so you’re used to it. She’s independent and… kind of a loner.”

Yeah, that was true. I was pretty candid about everything. So were the other guys in a lot of ways. I guess I’d taken the trait for granted.

“And…” August said.

“And what?”

She sighed. “She thinks you’re going to leave her. I think that’s where the trust issue comes from.”

“Leave her where?”

August laughed. “That you’ll be gone sooner than later. Your reputation precedes you.”

“My rep…” I started and then laughed. “Carmen likes to rant about me as much as Carter, I take it?”

She nodded. “You and Nick are the Backstreet bachelors. I guess she groups you together.”

“Hmm,” I said. “Well, we’re just dating. Casually. I made that clear on our first date, when Cheryl showed up, actually.”

“Just dating?” August raised an eyebrow. “This is exactly what I’m talking about.”

I cracked a smile. “Alright, hit me.”

She ignored my comment. “It’s so obvious, but both of you two are clueless.”

“Uh-huh…?” I still had no idea what she was talking about.

“Michelle doesn’t get how head over heels you are for her. She thinks she’s like almost every other girl you’ve dated. Every girl recently, which to her means that the expiration date on your relationship is coming soon. And it’s not hard to wonder why she doesn’t see it, because you don’t see it either,” August said matter-of-factly, as if I should’ve known exactly what she was going to say.

“Head over heels?” I laughed. “This isn’t a movie…”

“Where do you think inspiration from the movies comes from? It happens,” she said. Then, she pointed her finger at me, “And don’t start about the hopeless romantic stuff. I’m right, and you know it, even if you aren’t willing to admit it.”

I shrugged. “I like her. A lot.”

August leaned forward and put her hand on mine, as if to tell me some shocking news. “You love her, AJ.”

“Say what?”

“Do you know how worked up you were when you got here?”

I hadn’t wanted to go home when I’d left her apartment complex. I needed someone to talk to. Brian was at the movies with Nick, but August had been home. I had been a bit of a wreck, come to think of it.

“So, I was worried…”

“It’s hard to explain, AJ, but I know it. You’re just different around her. I don’t know what it is. You two seem to bring out the best in each other.”

“The best in each other? We’re sarcastic half the time…”

“AJ, tell me something. When she invited you up to her apartment after the first date, why didn’t you go?”

“It was getting late,” I shrugged. “I just didn’t.”

“Uh-huh,” she responded, obviously not buying a word of what I was saying. “She’s different than anyone else you’ve ever dated. You figured it out awhile ago, so why are you so surprised now?”

I didn’t say anything.

“And have you called any of your other dates since you’ve been seeing her?”

“No, but what does that mean?”

“You haven’t had anyone else on your mind,” she said. “Is the thought of spending the rest of your life with one person so awful?”

My eyes went wide. “The rest of my life? Now you’re marrying us off. Jeez, that’s a little quick…”

“No!” she rolled her eyes. “I don’t hear any wedding bells or anything. But isn’t that the eventual goal? Finding that one person? All I’m saying is that if Michelle is the one, do us both a favor and realize it before it’s too late.”

“Listen, I think this has gotten a little too Lifetime for me…” I said.

“It’s kind of amazing any of your gender gets married,” she sighed and then laughed.

“Hey! What are you doing here?” Brian came out the backdoor.

“Asking August for the millionth time why she’s with someone like you,” I joked.

“Because I’m so gosh darn pretty,” he grinned. “You jealous?” He came towards me and planted a huge kiss on my forehead.

“Ugh, gross, get off me man!” I shoved him away.

He cracked up laughing.

“Well, I need to put the clothes in the dryer… you boys play nice,” August teased, heading inside.

“Good! I was about to see how I could get rid of her…” Brian watched her walk inside and pulled something out of his pocket. “Check this out.”

It was a silver necklace, with a simple yet elegant heart on it.

“What do you think?”

“Oh, Rok, you shouldn’t have…”

He shook his head, laughing. “The stones on the heart are Peridot, her birthstone for… August!”

“The anniversary gift, I take it? Looks good.”

Brian agreed, looking pleased with himself. “So what’d you drop by for?”

I laughed. “A visit with Dr. Phil apparently.”