~*~AJ’s point of view~*~

“I’m just saying that we need to think about what direction we’re going in before we can decide which producers to go with.”

“Well, Nick, it’s our first day back in the studio. We don’t have to have to decide just yet,” Brian said, laughing slightly.

We would all be heading home soon and pick up tomorrow where we left off. I still couldn’t get used to having an even number sitting around the table. There were only four of us now. A part of me had expected Kevin to be here this morning, even though he’d told us that he was through. I guess I had to see it to believe it.

The dynamic of the group was unsettled as a result. There weren’t any visible problems, but I could sense it. The other guys probably noticed, too. He had been the “older brother” of the group for over a decade, after all. Who would fill the spot as the unofficial leader now?

“But why wait?” Nick asked impatiently.

“I do know I’d like for us to collaborate again,” Brian drummed on the table, looking like he couldn’t sit still for much longer. “Like we did on Black and Blue.” He looked at each of us, wondering what our thoughts were on the subject.

We’d written The Answer to Our Life and Time, Brian’s favorite song off the album, together during a trip to the Bahamas. That had been a great trip. “Yeah, man, I think you’re right. That was definitely missing last time.”

Only one of us had ended up with songwriting credits on Never Gone: Kevin, ironically, had penned the title track. This time around, it would add that personal touch if we had a hand in the songwriting again, especially as a group.

Howie turned to Nick. “Once we see what our songwriting style is like these days, we’ll have a better idea of the direction.” Howie was letting him know that we weren’t ignoring his input.

We just didn’t have all the answers yet.

Howie’s comment seemed to satisfy him. Howie must’ve sensed this. “Alright, everybody, can we call it a day?”

In response to his “everybody,” Brian sang, “Yea-eah.”

I shook my head laughing, knowing that that was coming, as Brian jumped out of his seat. We headed outside a few minutes later.

“I think I’m going to call Kevin tonight. He’s probably wondering how it went today.”

“What for?” Nick pulled his car keys out of his pocket.

“Well, for the reason I just said,” Howie looked surprised. “And because he was one of us for thirteen years.”

“Was being the key word,” Nick replied.

We had all been shocked when Kevin made the announcement that his heart wasn’t in it anymore. His timing had left a lot to be desired: breaking the news right before a concert overseas. Brian told me later that he’d thought Kevin was joking. I had just been stunned. It wasn’t easy to go out on stage for two hours, pretending that everything was fine, after a blow like that.

Then came the issue of how to tell the fans. I had read the statement so many times I could practically recite it. After 13 years of what can only be described as a dream come true, I have decided that it is time to leave the Backstreet Boys…

I realized that the shock was wearing of and wondered how everyone felt towards him now.

“Nick, he’ll always be part of the group,” Howie said.

“Really? Cuz I don’t see him anywhere,” Nick crossed his arms.

I expected Brian to cut in, to break the tension and to defend Howie’s statements. He just stood silent, his expression unreadable.

I didn’t know what to say either. Howie and Nick stared at each other for what seemed like forever. A car alarm went off in the distance, breaking the silence.

“Did we tell you about that car this morning?” Although Brian had been unwilling to share his thoughts on the Kevin subject, something I was sure would come up again, he used this moment to lighten the mood. “We saw one on fire this morning!” His eyes widened and his country accent became more evident. Like a little boy at show and tell, his face brightened.

“What?” This statement got Nick’s attention.

“Yeah, outside the coffee shop. Tell him, AJ.”

“It looked like a pretty crappy car. I don’t know how old it was… there was smoke everywhere. The manager just stood there.”

“Like…” Brian made an open-mouthed, wide-eyed face. “And I was like, ‘man, get a fire extinguisher!’”

“He went running inside!” I laughed.

It had been pretty funny. Although I felt bad for the girl whose car it was. When we’d left, she looked devastated. It wasn’t the most ideal way to start the week off.

“I wish I would’ve come with you guys this morning!” Nick said.

Howie shook his head at the kidlike response, but he was grinning, too.

“It was probably all your fault,” Brian gave him a stern look and pointed his finger. “We told you it was a one-time thing for the Incomplete video! Don’t get all pyro on us now. If I come out here tomorrow to find my jeep in flames, just remember: I know where you live.”

“Ooh, wow, you gonna come to my house?”

Brian shook his head. “I’ll post a thread on that website you’re always logging onto… um, Livedaily! All day all you’ll hear,” he switched to a high-pitched girls voice, “Is Nick home? Nick? Are you in there? Nick, will you marry me?” He batted his eyelashes.

I high fived him.

“Brian, you’re evil!” Nick cracked up. “Alright, guys, I’m out! See you tomorrow.” He was meeting up with some friends tonight and headed for his car.

“Yeah, I think I’m gonna go, too. I’m getting pretty hungry.”

“Which means McDonalds, right?” Brian asked.

“You know me too well, Rok,” I put on my sunglasses and pushed the button on my keys to unlock the car. “I can give up the drugs and alcohol, but there are some things you just can’t quit.”

“The golden arches are the strongest addictions of all, huh?” he raised an eyebrow.

I nodded. Waving good-bye to him and Howie, I left the parking lot. There was a McDonald’s a few blocks away, on the edge of a run-down part of town, but they had the best fries. I ordered my favorite combo and headed home.

I was going to zone out in front of the television tonight. I didn’t need to stress about the CD this early on. Failure wasn’t an option for me. I couldn’t fail, I just couldn’t. We had a lot riding on this album. Some people didn’t think we’d made the right decision to move forward with only four group members. They believed we had had our day in the sun, that we should throw in the towel.

I couldn’t imagine not being a Backstreet Boy. I’d been in the group since middle school. I could barely remember life before this opportunity had come along. We’d struggled in the beginning. There had been several group members who had quit before we’d lucked out with Kevin and Brian. Before we found the right five people to do this whirlwind of a music career together. We’d risen to the challenge then, so why couldn’t we try to again? How could the four of us quit simply because one wanted to move on with his life?

Were those people right? There were a lot of obstacles to face. We had to figure out how to be a group without our eldest member. We had to prove that we were still relevant to today’s music. We had to fight against the boy band stereotypes, but what else was new? The music scene wasn’t welcoming to “our kind” of music anymore, so we had to work that much harder.

What would I do with myself if I wasn’t up on stage, singing and interacting with the fans? It had been a part of my life so long.

There had been some bickering during the last album. I wondered if we could avoid that now, as well as everything else that lay before us.

Only time would tell.