~*~Brian’s point of view~*~

I couldn’t understand it. I mean, I was a man of faith, but I was having a harder time believing right now. How could He let this happen? I wasn’t the first, and, sadly, I wouldn’t be the last to ask this question after God had taken an innocent life.

And she hadn’t deserved it. To go through this, to experience the never-ending pain I knew it was going to cause. I didn’t think my heart was ever going to stop hurting. I started to wipe my eyes, out of habit, but I realized that I’d cried all of my tears. I didn’t have anything left but emptiness.

I glanced at her, sitting next to Carmen in the pew across from the aisle. Then I returned my gaze to the cross at the front of the room. There were stain glass windows and a wooden cross hanging from the ceiling. During the day, the light coming through the windows was probably beautiful.

Right now, there was only darkness.

I glanced over at them again. She didn’t look back, though. She hadn’t spoken to me since I’d walked in, several minutes earlier.

Carmen noticed my stares and sighed before standing up.

“Hon, I’m gonna go try to call Dianna and Howie again, okay?”

August nodded. When we were alone, I took a deep breath and went to sit next to her.

“Hey,” I said.

“H-” she couldn’t even get the word out without breaking down again.

I put my arm around her, pulling her close. I was surprised but grateful when she didn’t pull away. I gently rested her head on my shoulder, and then leaned my head on top of hers. We sat there for a long while. I didn’t know if she was crying for the baby or AJ.

Or both.

“It’s going to be okay,” I whispered. I didn’t believe my own words, but what else could I say? When she didn’t say anything, I added, “I’m so sorry.”

August couldn’t possibly know how much I meant it.

She sat up again, wiping her face, now red with puffy eyes. She was still beautiful to me.

“I-” I had to clear my throat to keep from getting choked up. “I would do anything to make this better if I could.”

August nodded, eyes vacant. “What if you’d gone with him?”

“Gone where?”

“To the apartments?”

“What do you mean?”

She took another few breaths before she was able to continue. “If you hadn’t thought you needed to check the house, you would’ve gone with- with-”

“AJ,” I finished for her softly. She was right; I would have.

“I don’t know what I would have done,” she cried.

I tried to put my arms around her again, but she shook her head and stood up.

“What if you’d gotten shot and you,” she waved her hands but couldn’t get the words out. Died. “Those words during the fight would’ve been the last things that I’d ever said to you.”

I stood in front of her, putting my arms on her shoulders, realizing what she was saying. “But they weren’t. I’m right here.”

“I’m so sorry, Brian,” August wept. “I’m so sorry.”

“Shhh,” I wrapped my arms around her, stroking her hair. “I’m the only one would should be apologizing. I love you more than anything. My career is meaningless if I can’t tell you about it and share it with you. I should’ve noticed what was going on, I should’ve been around more, been more interested in your life.”

I pulled a piece of paper out of my pocket. I’d grabbed it when we’d left the studio.

“This really isn’t… anything,” I said, handing her the paper. “A song the guys had been working on. Mostly, um… AJ, and he couldn’t figure out the third verse. I was at the studio thinking about us, about…”

The baby.

She unfolded it and scanned through the song. When she got to the third verse, she said, “Sing it?”

I glanced around. No one else was in the sanctuary. I still kept my voice quiet.

If I could be the light to guide you through the darkness, baby

If I could be the one to change the ending to your story

I’d be one in a million, yeah, I’d be one in a million

“That’s beautiful, Brian.”

“Happy anniversary?” I said, weakly, attempting to lighten the mood at least a little. I didn’t know much more sadness and heartbreak either one of us could handle.

I heard someone clear her throat. Turning around, I saw Michelle standing a few feet away. I could tell she hadn’t wanted to interrupt the clip of the song.

“Hey,” I said.

August went over and gave her a hug. “How are you holding up?”

Michelle shrugged. We followed her out of the sanctuary, back into the wing of the hospital.

“The doctors said that he’s stable for now. They’re still worried about internal bleeding and any permanent damage. They’re running some more tests. They… they won’t let me in to see him yet.”

“Oh, I’m sure they’ll let you in soon,” August said.

“I called his mom,” Michelle said. “The first time I ever get to talk to her, and it’s to tell her this. She must think I’m horrible.”

“Of course she doesn’t,” I said. “When’s she coming?”

“She’s calling the airport right now, trying to get the first flight out that she can.”

August started to say something, then paused, an odd expression on her face.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

After another pause, she said, “Yeah.”

I stared at the piece of paper August had handed back to me when I’d sung the verse. “Here,” I passed it to Michelle. “Howie and Nick helped a little, but AJ’s the guy behind the verses and chorus. He wrote the song for you.”

Michelle looked absolutely stunned. It was all she could do to stare at me for a moment. Unable to speak, she nodded, taking the song from me. “Um… I’ll look at this later.” She was trying not to lose it, so I changed the conversation as quickly as I could.

We followed Michelle back to the waiting room. Nick was in there, his head in his hands, sitting by himself in the corner. Carmen returned a few minutes later.

“I finally got Howie to pick up his cell. Apparently they’re both sound sleepers! We’d called their house phone a half dozen times already.” She was tapping her foot, looking annoyed.

“They on their way?” I asked.

Carmen nodded. “Yeah, they were going to head right over here.”

I looked at the clock on the wall. Three AM. I decided to get some coffee from the machine, and try to find tea or something for August, since she hated coffee. I turned to tell her where I was going, but she was gone.

“Where’d August go?” I asked.

Carmen shrugged. I decided to wait a minute and see if August was going to come back. Carmen kept glancing over at Nick, and finally went to sit next to him, putting her arm through his and simply sitting there silently with him.

I started to get a little worried. August and I had taken a step in the right direction. We’d finally spoke, I’d apologized again, and we’d reconciled. I knew we had a long road ahead of us, to get over the loss and for me to change. But I knew we could do it.

Why had she disappeared without a word, though?

Shaking my head, I went to find that cup of coffee. I ended up bringing the extra cup back to Michelle. She looked like she could use some. I yawned and handed it to her.

“Any update?”

Michelle shook her head. “He lost so much blood. If you hadn’t called 911, they wouldn’t have been there to revive him…”

I didn’t like thinking about how close it had come. I was grateful they’d responded so quickly.

Howie and Dianna joined us soon after, and we filled them in on what was going on. I finally decided to call Kevin. I’d been waiting until we heard about AJ’s condition, but I knew I couldn’t wait anymore. I didn’t want Kevin stressing when he couldn’t be here, but he’d be angrier not knowing what was going on. I promised him I’d call with constant updates.

I glanced at the clock. It was now a little past four AM. Carmen and Nick were both asleep, leaning against each other. Howie and Dianna, too, were nodding in and out.

“I’m going to go bug the doctors again,” Michelle sighed, standing up.

A few minutes later, August came back in the room.

“Brian, I need to talk to you.”

“Okay,” I said.

She glanced around, pausing when she saw Carmen and Nick. I smiled slightly. Even in the hospital, with all of this going on, with the week she’d had personally, she could still appreciate a “hopeless romantic” moment.

“Not here, it’s not really… appropriate.”

She dragged me out and down the hallway. We took the elevator to the first floor and went outside. There was a gazebo nearby, with some flowers around him.

“Where were you?” I asked. “I was getting worried.”

“I just had a feeling,” she smiled.

“About what?”

“Brian. I’m pregnant.” Her smile filled her face.

I stared at her. “Wait. What? No you aren’t. I mean…”

August laughed. “I was so sad when I didn’t get to tell you the news. But it turns out, I still get to! I didn’t want to do this in there, with everyone so worried about AJ. It feels so wrong to be happy. And you know I love him, and I’m worried, too, but… I’m pregnant!” she repeated.

“Um… uh… back up, baby,” I said. “How… when… how?”

“After I… told you and left, I went to the doctor,” she started talking really fast, the best indicator of her excitement. “I wanted to make sure. Anyways, I mean, I’d felt sick, there was some… blood. And… several other things,” August waved her hands vaguely, not wanting to get too graphic. “And the doctor agreed with me. He mentioned something about a blighted ovum, and the first trimester, and that almost every woman experiences a miscarriage at some point, but usually they are too soon for anyone to notice. You know, all that doctor speak. I wasn’t really listening. I was too upset. Anyway, he said it sounded like a miscarriage, and he checked me out and everything. I thought it was certain.”

“But?” I urged, hopefully.

“But today, I don’t know. I just had this feeling. I can’t explain it. Anyway, I found a nurse and- a female this time,” she stressed. “We did an ultrasound. I’m going to have to make another appointment for next week. She said it seemed like I’d experience implantation bleeding,” she looked at my expression. “Yeah, I know, gross. But it means that everything is going to be fine. She just said we really needed to monitor the pregnancy more… but that’s fine, because,” August’s eyes filled with tears.

“We’re pregnant,” I grinned and gave her a hug.

It was a true miracle.

We returned inside a few minutes later, deciding to wait to share our news. No one but Carmen and AJ had known about the miscarriage. Our thoughts returned to AJ.

“Well?” I asked Michelle.

“They’re just repeating the same old crap,” Michelle said. “Loss of blood. They said the longer he’s unconscious, the more we have to be worried about.” She shook a little as the words she was saying hit her.

A doctor came in at that moment, getting her attention.

“Miss, you may see him now.”

~*~Michelle’s point of view~*~

I went into the room, taking a deep breath when I saw him. He looked so pale, lying there asleep. Slowly, I walked over to him, trying to ignore the monitors and needles sticking out of him.

“AJ, I am so sorry,” I said, taking his hand.

I was hoping he’d magically sense my presence and wake up. But the monitors stayed the same and his eyes didn’t open.

What if he didn’t wake up? What would I do then?

This wasn’t fair. I should have been the one lying in the hospital. I was comforted only by the fact that Peter was rotting in a jail cell right now. Hopefully he’d be there a long time. If AJ could just get better, then we wouldn’t have anything to worry about anymore.

I love you.

I hadn’t been able to let that sink in until later. After they’d gotten him to start breathing again, after the ambulance ride.

I might never have the chance to say them back to him.

Suddenly, I remembered the song. Brian had said he’d written it for me. I glanced around. No one else was in the room. I got the piece of paper out of my pocket and unfolded it.

She wakes up with the sun

She throws on her clothes

Hoping her car will start

The second time around

The day has begun

The line's out the door

Serving up fraps

Until she can't take anymore

I see it in her broken smile, oh I

Wish I could tell her

You're one in a million

You're going the distance, babe

You're gonna work it out someday

I wish I could tell her

You're one in a million

But you never even look my way

No she never looks my way

She never, never, ever looks my way

She ties up her hair

Her makeup is smeared

Wiping the tears that she wants no one to see

She screams on the pain

I hear every word

Why don't you know how beautiful you are

Just see it in my broken smile

If I could be the light

To guide you through the darkness baby

If I could be the one To change the ending to your story

I'd be one in a million

I'd be one in a million

A tear ran down my cheek. I glanced back at AJ.

“Please be okay, Alex.”