It was just like another ordinary day. I woke up brushed my teeth, got dressed. Then went and let the dog out, checked my emails; Not responding to any of them.

I sighed as I swallowed the lump in my throat, and tried to blink back the tears that where threatening to fall down my cheeks.

I looked at my phone and I had 31 missed calls,I look at the caller ID press delete and listen to my voicemails. They were all from them, they act like they understand but they really have no idea.

They weren't there how could they understand I don't even understand. Nobody was there. How could a busy street have no one there, I used to have everything. The fancy car, diamond ring, a smile that would light up the room, a future a husband. That was all taken away by flashing lights.

It has been 3 months since the accident, they call it an accident but I call it man slaughter. 'Did they really need to take the bottle of pills and go for a drive? Kill my Fiance and my un-born child, They say its hard moving on from something like this but hard doesn't even begin to explain it.

They say im lucky to be alive.... What do I live for? Everyday I look at the home  Lucas and his brother built with there bare hands and the memories that come along with it. As I walk through the rooms of the largely decorated house. I stop at Ayla's room, probably the hardest room to go into. We painted her room yellow just incase alya turned out to be a boy, turns out im left with nothing.

Everyday I feel like I have been burried alive by grief... I hate that I can't talk to anyone because I don't how to respond, Im really fucking sick and tired of hearing everything happens for a reason. I can't look at anyone, everyone reminds me of them. I just really needed to get away, I know I would be missed and its un-belivably selfish of me but sometimes you just need to escape.

So I left my goodbye note on the kitchen table and left my identity with it. I was moving on because if I have to wake up feeling like this, I know it would be the begining to an end.

I smashed the engagement photo on cold blue ceramic tile and watched as the picture shattered into a bunch of shared glass. I took the photo out of the frame taking the photo with me I placed it in my purse. I left my cell phone, left a tear stained individually written goodbye note  to all my friends and family explaining why. Telling them someday I would see them again. I left my car keys, took the the money from my bank account ready to start over, leaving Lucas' family all of his assetts and belongings.

hearing my house phone ring, seeing that once again, it was my mother calling to check in. Little did she know, I was checking out. I sighed grabbed my rain jacket put on my boots and a duffel bag full of belongings, kept the door unlocked grabbed my dog and left my hometown in the rearview mirror of the taxi cab and didn't look back.